Good job Glee!

So after a mess of an episode last week, Glee came back with an "In your FACE KRISTA!!" episode with coherent story lines and themes! Sort of at least, which is all I am really asking!

So what was good?

-Carol Burnett! She's always good. Also, "I don't think you ever truly appreciated the sacrifices I made to become a famous Nazi hunter."

-The wedding vows! They were very cute and touching (though if I were Finn I would be a little pissed about all the Kurt adulation and then the "oh right, and also, Finn is here too..." by both parents.) and I really like those two actors together.

-No Will! I really like episodes where Will has no storyline SO MUCH BETTER. I mean we did have to look at his creepy "proud" face a lot, but that was pretty much it.

-The episode actually made sense!

-Sue's wedding dress for her wedding to herself was lovely and perfect for her. Her handicapable sister was totally right about that.

-Go Mike Chang! Is it just me or was he totally hot when he was defending Kurt?! I also liked his dance up the aisle.

-Kurt decided to transfer. Here are the reasons I like it 1. Doesn't solve the bullying problem all tidy and in a bow. 2. Brings Kurt together with more potential love interests (everyone loves Darren Criss!). 3. He looks good in those blazers. 4. It stressed Rachel out and I think I hate her. ("So this means you'll be competing against us at regionals?!)

-The songs were good, fit in with the story and hit a lot of really nice emotional beats. Less flash than usual, but I think it worked.

Weirdness:

-Well let's be real here, Sue's entire story was totally weird. Her mother, famous Nazi hunter Carol Burnett, is back in town to attend Sue's wedding to herself? I think the pathos of being abandoned by her mean bully of a mother would have worked better with just one totally odd element. With both, it seemed kind of strange that the show wanted us to genuinely feel for Sue there. I still kinda did though, which I am crediting to Jane Lynch, because she is always great.

-Um, it is really weird to make your wedding toast be ALL ABOUT yourself and your almost stepbrother and some issues the two of you have been having personally. I know everyone on 'Glee' thinks everything is ALL ABOUT THEM, but come on, that was the epitome of self-centeredness masquerading as some kind of brave gesture. The song was cute as hell though, I will admit.

-I might be willing to believe that Burt and Carol just didn't have any friends to ask to be their wedding party, so they just had their kids' friends instead, except for the fact that their wedding was filled with huge, cheering, masses of people. Surely one of them could have been a bridesmaid?


Still bugging me (you knew it had to come!):

-Sam/Quinn promise ring/quest to be popular. That shit was dumb. They are cute together sometimes, but that whole proposal thing was creeptastic, and every time he talks about being the most popular guy in school I just want to hit him or fall asleep.

-St. Kurt. Okay, now don't all pile on here, I love Kurt! But at this point his character is treated (by the characters AND the show) as some kind of perfect human who does no wrong and just teaches people how to be better. We just saw him being a bad friend to Mercedes last week, but even that was swept under the rug in the form of that bullshit "Mercedes is eating her feelings" storyline. I mean at the rate of "Kurt is amazing" eps this show is at, next week the entire glee club will just be mourning his transfer and singing songs about how amazing he is for the entire hour. The fact that he is one of the only truly likeable characters on Glee is a failing of the show, it is not because he is some kind of angel sent from heaven to teach us how to be a man or whatever. I like Kurt. I just liked him more when he was multidimensional.

-Um I love Santana being kind of bitch and awesome, but trying to break up Rachel and Finn so she can sleep with seems unnecessarily mean and desperate. Oh well, I guess it wouldn't be Glee if the writers didn't show contempt for at least one of the characters.

-Not enough Puck! Is there ever enough Puck?! I don't know.

-Sue's not principal anymore! She was actually doing a good job!

-The sound cut out at the end, and I made up my own dialogue. Since I was pretty much right on, I think Glee should just hire me to write on the show, and I will whip them into shape! (Sorry Sarah, I had to.)

Next week: REGIONALS OMG OMG OMG!!! Also, Emma is back, which means some yucky Will time.

GET EXCITED!! I'm writing about Glee!!!

Though if you are a super-huge Glee fan(or Gleek, as is the common parlance), don't get too excited, because I am going to complain about it. But first, because I love you, I will tell you the things I liked about last night's episode!!

1. Gwyneth Paltrow. She was good! I mean I know that this shouldn't be a surprise considering she is an Oscar winning actress and everything, but she has been portrayed as so insufferable and pretentious in the press lately that I was startled at how funny and likeable she was. And her singing voice is pretty good!

2. "Forget You." Despite the fact that it was the clean version and it was missing Cee-Lo's incredible voice, that was a fun number. Good on Gwynnie once again for that!

3. Will was less terrible than usual. I liked his scenes with Holly Holiday a lot.

4. The flashbacks to Will constantly suggesting Journey songs were hilarious.

So there's a few things, mostly Paltrow related, that I thought were working last night. Things I wasn't so sure about include:

1. PLOT. Oh my god Glee writers, one of the main jobs of writers on television shows is to write a clear and cohesive plot each week. And yet, each week, you FAIL at this. FAIL FAIL FAIL. Let's just look at this week, because if we looked at the entire series as a whole either my head would explode or this one item would be novel-length. So just last night's then?
- Ahem, Sue is principal, Sue is bored with being Will's friend, Sue wants to destroy Glee club, wait, no she wants to disband football, wait no, she wants to ban tater tots. Okay let's settle on that then, tater tots. Mercedes is upset that Kurt keeps ditching her, no wait, she is weirdly obsessed with tater tots, no wait, she is using food to replace love AND Kurt to replace a boyfriend (Of course she is because she is a fat girl, and since fat girls can't get boyfriends they just hang out with gay guys and eat. EWW Glee, eww.) oh now she is going to date a hot guy so presumably the fact that Kurt has been a crappy friend to her since he met a guy he likes is totally fine now, and she will no longer be hallucinating about tater tots. Like, how did these even COME UP as ideas in the writer's room? I imagine the Glee writer's room as a group of dudes coming up with a bunch of scenes and then asking a monkey to come up with the thinnest plot possible to connect them, and then they work on the monkey's plot a little to make it less sensible. Then voila! An episode of Glee is created!
"Okay monkey, connect these things: Will and Mike Chang do a Broadway number, Gwyneth Paltrow as Mary Todd Lincoln, Sue's the principal now, Fat girl loves tater tots, all the Glee kids as little children, Vapo-Rub, gay guys love Vogue, GO!!!" WTF?!

2. Characters. Why are they all jerks most of the time? Is this show just telling me that show-people are jerks? Maybe it is. I guess I can believe that.

3. Mashups. Sometimes they can be cool (Grey Album anyone?) but most of the time they just make both songs sound awful. Since your show's value comes mostly from the fun and cool music, stop with the bad mashups!

4. Sue vs. Will. I know I covered plot pretty generally already, but the whole "Sue is trying to destroy glee club" storyline is way more boring than the "Will and Sue as weird frenemies" plotline. For one, the show is called Glee so I'm pretty sure she is not going to succeed in destroying the glee club. Also, "glee in peril" was the arc of the first season, so it is definitely time to move on. I don't know if this episode was bringing it back for good or just this once (ask the monkey!) but hopefully they will just let it die.

5. Not enough Santana, she is really pretty. Really pretty.

6. How could they ever win a contest when they sing different songs every single week?!! I mean I understand it would be lame if they sang the same songs every week...but the whole "lesson plan" idea is dumb.

I searched and searched (okay, I really just Googled it two different ways) to find the Kelly Kapoor quote from last week's office about Glee, because it really encapsulated my feelings about this show. She asked like half of the plot questions that have been driving me insane all season! Since I can't find that, I will just end with this. There is a lot of potential in this show, and I want it to be better, so it drives me extra crazy when it is stupid. And since it is stupid most of the time, that is a lot of crazy. Come on Glee, be better, you've got a good cast, a good concept, and millions of fans who watch this show every week. DO IT BETTER.

I'm back with some more 90210 talk!

These two are adorable.

I'm back! After a one week personal hiatus for which I have no excuse, here I am! So before we get into the new episode here's a quick recap of what happened last week:

-After accidentally taking the wrong baby home from some kind of baby trunk show sale thing and then letting her kid fall off a changing table, Jen (Sara Foster, who I think is prego in real life!) decided she was a terrible mother and abandoned her child, thereby proving she is a terrible mother. (Question, why has no one suggested postpartum depression or worried about Jen at all here? I mean I hate the woman, so that's my excuse, but you would think that her sister or the father of her child might have some concern.)

-Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) and Ivy (Gillian Zinser) teamed up to humiliate Oscar, who I almost just called Oliver. Now Naomi and Ivy are friends.

-Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) stopped acting like a horrible person long enough to make Navid (Michael Steger) and Silver (Jessica Stroup) feel all guilty for their "slow lean in towards a kiss, but not actually a kiss" thing. Who takes that long to kiss someone?!! That was the slowest lean ever.

-After an awesome sting where Silver dressed up like an aspired porn actress, she and Navid found out that his company is a little lax about the whole "over 18 to be in porn thing"/

-Navid freaked out and told his guidance counselor that his father was a child pornographer. (Not exactly how I would have put it, especially if I were 17 year old boy who has actually had sex, but Navid's got a pretty black and white view of the world so it kind of makes sense.)

So those were the major points! On to this week's ep!

-OMG yay Teddy (Trevor Donovan) is back! He is sorry about driving stoned AND totally checking out a gay bar! Yay Teddy! As you can see, I am still loving this storyline. I was thinking that Ian (Kyle Riabko) is being incredibly nice and patient with Teddy considering what a jerk Teddy has been to him, but then I looked at Teddy and realized of course he is, Teddy is crazy hot.

-Annie (Shenae Grimes) had some scenes with Charlie and his college roommates and ex-girlfriend that were so boring I contemplated beginning a campaign to have all college students punched in the face. Because seriously, if this is how college kids talk nowadays, they deserve it.

Weird face alert!

-Then Naomi told Annie she had to have sex with Charlie to "lock him down" which led to Annie coming out of his bathroom in her underwear in front of all his roommates. So that was awesome.

-Then Charlie TOTALLY lied to her about how he got his scars, because Liam has the EXACT same scars yet was not mentioned in his "abusive uncle" story. A theory on this? Charlie killed the abusive uncle and blamed it on Liam. (That was Sarah's theory, not mine, but I like it!)

-Ryan (Ryan Eggold) and Deb (Lori Loughlin) had some awkward sex. (That guy really likes the older ladies!) And then he forgot his baby at her house. Just for a second, but seriously, this poor child. Mistaken for another child, abandoned by his mother and then forgotten by his father in the span of like 3 weeks! That is rough. Jack is gonna be SO troubled on 90210-The Third Generation.

-Navid's dad is now being investigated by the police because of Navid's slip about "child porn" to the guidance counselor last week. Since he is guilty, he decided to just run away. TO IRAN. Because if there is one thing they love in Iran, it's pornographers! I mean come on Mr. Shirazi, this is America and you are clearly incredibly rich, so I think you could probably buy your way out of jail or at least get a pretty lenient sentence. No? Not a good plan? Well okay then, off you go, to Iran, otherwise known as 'the land of freedom'. Don't worry about your wife and children, I'm sure they'll be fine.

-Adrianna was a total insensitive jerk. That could basically be the line for her in every episode. Also, she totally has the #1 single in the country or something.

-At the end, Navid went to Silver, because he needs someone to talk to. Not just someone, her. SWOON.


Best 90210-watcher quotes of the night:

Re: Teddy.
"I still just want to make out with him. He looks like he'd be a good....kisser." -S

"Of course Teddy has no problem getting served at the gay bar, because he looks 35."- K. "That's because he IS 35!"-S.

"There's been awkward no-sex, awkward actual sex and now..."-K. "I want awkward gay sex!"-Sh.

Next week:
WHY CAN I NEVER REMEMBER THE PREVIEWS?! It's because they are awful.

90210 was almost too good to make fun of! (Almost)

See what I'm talking about here?!

Okay, so only two of my predictions from last week came true 1. Dixon (Tristan Wilds) and Ivy (Gillian Zinser) got back together (for like a minute) and 2. Teddy (Trevor Donovan) was back looking all hot and stuff. Super hot! I'm usually not that into Teddy, but his outfit was so freakin' adorable last night I couldn't stand it. I found it unrealistic that Ian (Kyle Riabko) made it through his hosting gig without professing his love for Teddy, and that Silver (Jessica Stroup) didn't want to get back together with him. I really love pea coats and vertical stripes, what can I say?


So what was good? Lots.

-First of all, my dream came true, and we had an episode featuring Teddy, Ian and Navid (Micheal Steger) and NOT featuring Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes)or Jen (Sara Foster). Perfect.

-Navid is adorable. It makes me sad that we had evidence of how great his parents are RIGHT BEFORE he realizes his dad might have used an underage actress in his porn movie. I think it is interesting that they aren't just using his dad's profession as a total joke like they did the first couple of seasons.

-Um, Navid and Silver are totally going to fall in love. I can't believe I have never seen this before, but they are actually the perfect couple! Both smart, ambitious, a little nerdy and they are actually good people! So, SUCK IT ADRIANNA. (On a side note, it is crazy to me how easily I switch couple alliances on this show. Usually I root for couple even years after they have broken up. I don't know if this speaks to the fact that this show really makes the breakups realistic, or just that they are in high school and they shouldn't be together forever anyway, or I am old and jaded and I just don't care anymore. Um, I'm gonna go with YAY 90210 on this one.)

-Teddy is still angrily (and interestingly!) struggling with his sexuality, and Ian is still bringing it up EVERY TIME he sees him. Stop apologizing for making him uncomfortable dude! That is what is making him uncomfortable! (I still really like these two, can't wait til they move past this awkward phase!)

-I think the whole Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) pressing charges against Cannon (Hal Ozsan) storyline was done really well. I loved the exchange in the police station about "fair fights" I liked her and Oscar working together to find out the truth about him, and even though the whole Cannon fleeing the country thing is a little silly, I liked how they portrayed Naomi as really needing this closure, and not at all agreeing with Annie (Shenae Grimes) that "it's over now." This is a really tough subject to handle on a fairly light show, and I think for what it is, they've done a pretty good job.

-Well if he can't be drunk and funny, at least they are letting Mr. Matthews (Ryan Eggold) be likeable and smart. So that's something.

-So I like Oscar now. This just in.

-Also, I loved loved loved that the key to catching Cannon was the fact that he got all insane when Oscar (Blair Redford) suggested he had a Cockney accent, and that Oscar was thinking about his fake accent SO MUCH he brought it up to Naomi for no real reason! British snobbery saves the day once again!!

-No Jen or Deb! (I know I liked them last week, but I did not miss them At. All.)

-"The Undies" thing was sort of funny. Way funnier than the stupid human auction thing.

Bummer things:

-Dixon and Ivy broke up again. Again. Will they ever just have sex?!!

-Harper's voice is so annoying. Her dad is played by a super nice dad from a show from my childhood that I cannot remember right now, but even so, I didn't like seeing him be a jerk.

-Seriously where is this Liam storyline headed? Now he's a drug mule? Or going to have to beat those dudes up? Will he need Annie's help or something? I'm not seeing it.

-Liam seems as about annoyed with his storyline right now as I am.

-I hate the girl who plays Laura, the purse cocaine girl. I mean Liam is hot and everything, but her shamelessness is consistently gross and not funny. They have a tough time with funny on this show. At least when they are purposely trying to be humorous.

-Ivy needs to get her attitude back! Stop the moping!

-The woman who plays the cop is still a terrible actress.

Next week:
Did you forget for a second that Adrianna is a terrible terrible person? Well, next week, you will remember! Dear lord, if 90210 was actually the show that the CW's promo department makes it look like, I couldn't even watch it as a joke.