Hollywood Exes: Let's do this thing!

So after my very exciting "Hey, look at me again please!" post from yesterday, it's already recap time! I took notes and everything, super profesh-like, just to show my commitment. You are welcome.

Drea and Brian, pre-tears.

So let's just begin with Drea, because real life has intruded upon her storyline, unfortunately for her. In real life, Drea is divorcing her husband of 2 months, Brian, who has just been introduced on this show. He was cheating or sending sexts or something gross like that. But in show world, they are still planning their wedding and it makes me feel squirmy just watching it. So anyway, Brian is a singer (and a terrible one at that. My notes about his song are just "no no no no") and is recording a song to sing to Drea at their wedding. My favorite part about this is that Drea seems to think that Brian is very brave to try to sing to her, R. Kelly's ex-wife. She keeps bragging about how R. Kelly is the "The King of R&B" (no arguments here) which seems like something that would piss Brian off. Good thing they're already getting divorced, I guess. Another great moment of this recording studio section of the show is when Drea says that Brian's song makes her feel like she's "pregnant in her ear." It is mostly great because everyone laughs until Brian looks at her, puts his hand up and says "Filter." WOMP WOMP- everything is uncomfortable now. I missed this line upon first watching, but Josh rewound it and told me "Something REALLY bad just happened." which is hilarious. I guess he knows how I might react if he did that to me! Drea handled it well though, so good on you, boo-boo.

Then Shanna and Miss Nevada or something go into Jessica's medical spa, which is scary to me. Just the concept of Jessica doing anything "medical" is frightening. I guess this scene was just to let us know that Miss Nevada's brows NEED WORK.

Nicole and Mayte meet to discuss what I have just decided to call "Sugarbowlgate." Quick recap of that: Nicole had a brunch, and at said her brunch her 18 year old daughter had a purse with fur on it and some baseball player's wife (probably trying to get on this show) was wearing fur. This enraged Mayte and caused her to run away from the brunch, and whilst she fled, Nicole's large glass bowl of raw sugar was smashed on the kitchen floor. Mayte at first claimed this was an accident that happened while she was grabbing her purse, but she already had her purse in her hand soo... Anyway, at this sit down, Nicole reasonably asks for an apology and points out that even if it WAS an accident, the normal person thing to do would have been to be like "Oh dear, I broke something, I am so sorry, let me help you clean it up." Mayte responds to this by saying "Well, we both have our stories...", which, what?! Not really. She refuses to apologize, calls it a "beautiful accident" (PSYCHO), and then asks if they can just move on. She does offer to replace the sugar bowl, but that is the only decent thing she says to Nicole. Nicole realizes that she is way too awesome for this, so pretty much whatever, but now she knows Mayte is batshit insane.

Crazy Mayte. 

We then get a super awkward scene between Cray Cray Mayte and her boyfriend Humberto, who decide during dinner they want to have a baby, and then go to their bedroom to make one, but not before inviting her one million dogs into the room with them. NO NO NO.

Drea returns in a super sad sequence where she tries on wedding dresses and her assistant casts doubt on her impending nuptials. It just kind of bummed me out,  except for the part where Drea kept calling her assistant Tony,  "my boo-boo kitty." That part was awesome.

THEN (yes, there is more!) Shanna has a poker party for charity or something? I am not clear on why. These things happen at the party:

• Jessica meets a guy that she thinks is hot. Nicole does not like his vest. "That vest is killing me right now. Somebody get him a shirt." Nicole is the best.
• Sheree gets drunk and it makes me like her more.
• Drea's assistant Tony has a talk with her fiance Brian in which he says that R. Kelly "runs Chicago." It made me think maybe R. Kelly is gonna have this guy killed or something now.
• Sheree confronts Mayte about how she missed her husband's 40th bday party (where she was supposed to be making mojitos!). Sheree has been ON about this every damn episode. They make up, basically because Mayte brings up a baby she lost many years ago and there is a not a good way to argue with that. Sheree acknowledges in her talking head that Mayte was just using the dead baby thing to get out of the argument, so basically I am liking Sheree more every minute in this ep!

At some point Jessica goes and visits her 17 year old daughter on a modeling shoot, where she makes sad noises about her daughter moving away sometime soon. During this scene I wrote "Remember that show Empty Nest?!" to myself. Yes, I do, self. I do indeed. 

The last scene of the show is another cringe-making Drea and Brian scene, where Drea tries to convince him to reverse his vasectomy so she can have his baby. I have to say, I gotta side with Brian in this scene, because she knew this guy didn't want to have kids 3 months ago when she met him and last week or whenever she agreed to marry him. So she just seems kind of delusional here. 

Next week:

Jessica and Shanna get into it over something, finally bringing Shanna into the action! Also more Drea and Brian. Yeesh. 

Get excited people who used read this blog 4 years ago! I'm back!

I was recently wondering why I could not find any good recaps of the horrible, super trashy, and insane reality shows that Josh and I watch on a weekly basis. They are so ripe for hilarious (yet kind, these ARE real people) commentary! So I decided that if no one was going to do it for me, I would have to do it myself! (This is the "bootstraps" mentality so favored in this country, so naturally, I expect a lot of props).

While I have read many hilarious "Real Housewives" recaps, I can never find any good recaps of the reality shows on VHI, including "Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta" and "Hollywood Exes." Where are my kindred spirits who cannot help but love Lil Scrappy?! Or others who are willing to acknowledge that Matye Garcia is disturbingly insane, and almost never makes any sense at all?! (Prince really dodged a bullet there.) So here I am to give you a quick primer on these two shows.

First, let's start with Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, because wow. There is a lot going here. Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta is one of the most obviously scripted reality shows I have seen, and yet it is also seems weirdly invested in having characters expose all of the artifice. The minute you might say to yourself  "Are Stevie and Joseline even actually married?" like 20 other cast members are asking the same thing.

This season we have:

Steve J (a producer) and Joseline ( a performer of some sort), who are terrible, being fake married and fake rich, after years of torturing his ex and mother of his child Mimi, who I always liked but now is pretending that a porn she made with her greasy boyfriend is actually a stolen sex tape, which somehow makes me like her less. (This show is not appropriate for children, in case you didn't get that). So they are always trying to take each other down, yet Mimi and Stevie have some kind of undeniable connection that makes them sort of still into each other as they try to expose each other's dirty secrets etc. So basically, super great soap opera plot here, though these days no one is exactly rootable.

Lil Scrappy, you gotta love him.

Then there is Lil Scrappy, a rapper who is a sweet man-child with a PSYCHOTIC mother named Momma Dee. She is scary and always hates his girlfriends and says things like "She is B.I.C.T.H- in that order!" (I am not sure what she thinks that spells.) Scrappy stories are pretty much always the same. He has a girlfriend, or a fiancee, but then he also has this SUPER HOT, nice, "friend" who relentlessly wants to sleep with him, usually, weirdly, at the behest of his mother. Even though he is always cheating on his girlfriend, I cannot help but love him, because he seems so sweet and just desperate for all the love he can get, and when you look at the woman who raised him, you are kind of like "I get that." It's kind of like how everyone hates Don Draper for being a cheating drunk, but when you really consider his upbringing you think to yourself "It's a miracle this guy isn't a serial killer!" (Maybe I

Kirk and Rasheeda, he is the WORST.

will recap the season finale of Mad Men for you high-minded people.) Same goes, to a lesser degree, for Lil Scrappy. Also he has this charming marble-mouthed way of speaking and is pretty funny. He's my favorite person on this show, by far.

Kirk and Rasheeda are a married couple who are having problems. She is a rapper and he is sort of her manager, but it seems like he just says mean stuff to like it's his job. So, their problems are basically that Rasheeda is cool and smart and Kirk is the absolute WORST. He seemed okay until last season when he cheated on his pregnant wife, and then had the gall to deny his child demand a paternity test from her. (Um, YOU are the one who cheated dude.) This season he has already told his child's grandmother not to kiss the baby and attempted to hire a hot nanny so he could just have a side-chick right in his damn house. He is weirdly mean to Rasheeda all the time, and even Stevie J, former holder of the title "the absolute WORST" thinks he is being shady and should just be nice to his wife.

We also have Karlie Redd, who is a singer, I think, and is right now dating rapper Yung Joc. Well at least she was until she found that he was sleeping with their real estate agent, who revealed this to Karlie when she was showing them a house they might rent. So that seemed super real and not a set up. Another note on Karlie, she pretends to 29 when she is pretty clearly a decade older. Just own it, girl!

Massachusetts' own Benzino, former owner of The Source magazine, is also sort of on this show, and he got shot in real life during the filming, so I expect his role in the latter half of the season will increase. He is friends with Stevie J, which means he is probably a terrible person deep down, but manages to come off okay most of the time, as long as he doesn't get his own storyline.

Oh and Waka Flocka Flame and his fiancee whose name I cannot remember are also on this. He seems nice and they are planning a wedding so I am sure this will all blow up at some point soon, because this show is definitely not about having happy people on it.

There are some other ladies on the show who are ostensibly, if you look at the titles, main characters, but so far this season they mostly seem to exist to comment on the personal lives of the aforementioned.

So that's Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta. Are you even ready for Hollywood Exes? I don't know if I am, but here goes.

Hollywood Exes, oh boy. 

Hollywood Exes is a show that is an a more traditional reality show style, as in, the network makes these people have all these weird parties and events that puts them together and then they fight and at some point in the season, they all go on a trip together and fight some more. Lovers of Real Housewives are encouraged to check this out. On this show we have:

Nicole Murphy, Eddie Murphy's ex wife. She is beautiful and amazing, why Eddie Murphy would have left this woman is beyond me. She is now engaged to Michael Strahan, from Live with Michael and Kelly, who seems great, so good for her.

Jessica Canseco, Jose Canseco's ex, who is the kind of person who has no filter and therefore says really inappropriate things all the time, but people still kind of like her. Perfect for a reality show, bravo VH1!

Andrea Kelly, R. KELLY's  ex wife,  and who is EXACTLY as insane and weird yet great as you might expect R. Kelly's ex to be. She comes up with a lot of catchphrases, such as "Check yo' email" and "Hollywood fa boo-boo." She is very emotional and gets so fired up all the time, about basically everything. VH1 really did a bang up job casting this show.

Mayte Garcia, Prince's ex. A fanatical animal rights activist, she has no problem destroying people's things if they even let someone wear fur in her presence. She also has no self awareness whatsoever. She is someone who has pretty clearly benefited from being insanely beautiful for her entire life, so has never had to actually be normal or treat people respectfully. She thinks that if she smashes her friends things "accidentally" in a blind rage over a fur purse, that SHE is the one who deserves an apology. Ugh Mayte. ugh.

Sheree Fletcher, Will Smith's ex. Like LONG AGO ex. Who was married to him for two years. And unlike Mayte, who is in a similar situation, she doesn't even really seem to give a crap about Will Smith or think about him ever, which is good. However, we're stretching the premise here. She's a preacher's wife and is always moralizing so I really dislike her.

These are the most interesting Hollywood Exes. Martin Lawrence's ex, Shamicka, and Shanna Moakler, ex of Travis Barker AND Oscar De La Hoya (double Hollywood Ex!!) are on it as well. They're kind of new, I'm not attached to them yet. Shamicka seems nice and boring, Shanna seems nice and kind of funny. But everyone on reality show seems nice until you get them into mansion in Aspen or some shit, and then everything goes BONKERS.

While the cast of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta has to contend with marriages being destroyed, sex tapes, miscarriages, and even being shot, the ladies of Hollywood Exes basically just fight about sugar containers being smashed on the floor, mojitos not being made, birthday parties being skipped, and fur hats being set on fire as a prank. The stakes are lower, which means this show rarely if ever veers into that "Oh god, this is depressing, I am a bad person for watching this" kind of territory. They are rich ladies with rich lady problems, for the most part. How nice for them.

So your assignment? Watch these shows! Then I can recap them for you and together we will laugh and laugh. It'll be great, trust me!

Guess who's back? Krista's back! Back temporarily. To talk about 90210!

So I am finally, FINALLY not taking a class for five minutes of my life, and I decided that it was the perfect time to check in and talk about this season of 90210! Mostly because like 75% of what is going on is annoying the crap out of me, and it would really help me to get these emotions out.

I mean I understand the need for drama, but why does almost everything have to be terrible? For almost everyone? I mean they were practically playing the soundtrack to Schindler's List over the preview for next week's episode! So let's list the hateable things about this season so far. I'm telling you, we'll all feel better.

1. TEDDY LEFT! WTF show?! Teddy was pretty much the only character that I haven't wanted to punch at some point, even when he was being jerky or ridiculous. (Though the best part of last week's ep was when Ivy told him to stop whining and feeling sorry for himself and buck up, seeing as he is incredibly rich, handsome, white and healthy. He is kind of a whiner.) I like Teddy, and I was loving his friendship with Silver, and his romance was cute, and it is so lame that they wrote him out, especially since Annie continues to have a large role.

2. The entire Silver/Navid plot. I hate hate HATE television plots where the only real problem between two people is that one of them keeps lying about something stupid. Now, I will admit that 9021o gave Navid a pretty decent reason to lie to Silver. (I mean the cops told him to, and I suppose she is the type of person who would show up at his uncle's office screaming about how he's a car thief and she's on her way to report him to the police.) But still, it just seems insane to tell someone you just have to lie to them, without any other information for that person whatsoever. It also seems weird to dump your boyfriend after finding out he is in way over his head in some kind of insane high-end car thieving ring...oh no wait, I guess that makes sense. If I were Navid, I totally would have cracked and told Silver 20 minutes after that teenage cop told me not to. (Note to cops, I am not a good candidate for undercover work.) Anyway, I am pretty sure that Silver's new boyfriend's kid is gonna totally fall in love with her and think she's her new mommy and stuff, and then the whole Navid being 21 Jumpstreet will come out and it will take FOREVER for them to get back together because Silver will feel all guilty over the kid, and my annoyance will continue. (Yes, I pretty much just want them to get back together, they were cute, whatever.)

3. Ivy & Raj Faking being better and dumping your wife? Bad move Raj, especially since the entire point of you marrying her was so you could experience marriage before you died. I guess now he wants to experience divorce? Pro tip: it's not as fun.

5. Back from the dead Alaska Fisherman- This plot really had the makings for awesomeness, with the whole "banging-your-presumably-dead-friend's-prego-wife-and-then-it-turns-out-he's-not-actually-dead" thing, but instead they just hugged it out and the wife went back to Alaska with him. I was hoping for some kind of psycho stalking attempted murder or something.

8. Liam hates modeling- Why? Liam is super hot, but damn, no one wants to see some kid whine about how people want to take pictures of him because he is super hot. Just let him sexily own a bar and model on the side, and stop having stories based around jobs and money. They are boring and suck, and these people should just have money and shut up about it.

9. Annie and Dixon are broke See above. We know it's gonna work out, so instead of forcing Annie to turn tricks, let's just have them be all set with the inheritance money so they can move forward with drug problems, car accidents and the like. I mean whoring yourself out for your brother's rehab? That is just too depressing for 8pm on a Tuesday night.

10. Naomi's a bad girlfriend We know that, she's been a bad girlfriend since 90210 started. It is actually one of the only consistent character traits anyone on this show has ever had. I don't need be reminded of it again, twice, with two different guys in the first half of the season. (I miss Max. I am into nerd-love.)

11. Naomi caring SO MUCH about the Greek Council. She's gorgeous, beautiful, rich as hell, and apparently a talented event planner being groomed to take over a successful business when she's 20. Why would getting to be treasurer for her college's Greek Council even register at this point? Maybe this is because I went to a college where frats and sororities were thought of as havens for idiots, but this Greek life crap is totally uninteresting to me.

12. Vinny from Jersey Shore guesting on the show twice. Ugh.

There were also things I liked though, don't worry! They include:

-Liam's hair in this episode. He should go without bangs ALL THE TIME. Damn.

-Dixon and Adrianna are kind of cute, and I actually buy her transformation from evil to good.

-Liam owns a bar! It's so Peach Pit After Dark, I love it! (Oh Dylan McKay. I miss you.)

-Annie getting that mean grandson to let her have all Marla's money! Yay for not having to hear her worry about being broke anymore! I do think it's funny that she felt so entitled to the inheritance even before she knew the grandson was a jerk who couldn't care less about Marla. I mean she knew the woman for like, 6 weeks, tops. How does that make her more entitled to the money than Marla's actual family?

-Annie's "boyfriend" calling up and proposing some girl on girl action in Hawaii! That dude is all class. (I laughed super hard at this, so it counts as a like.)

-The girl who hit Liam deciding that she was going to run from the cops after she realized that he is a model with a big billboard. Also made me laugh super hard.

-Everyone lives in Naomi's mansion. Perfect.

-Holly and Naomi's rivalry being about something real (love of a mother!) instead of about something involving a sorority.

-The fact that Millie from Freaks and Geeks is still playing a teenager, 12 years after her Junior year at William McKinley High School.

Let's hope that Liam recovers fully and sexily from his motorcycle accident and never brushes his hair forward again. Also that Navid's Dad has returned to help get out from under his evil uncle's thumb, Silver ditches the old guy and gets back with him, and Dixon's drug problem rears it's ugly head again. (See, I don't want everything all happy-happy joy joy!) Also, I would like to hear Adrianna write a song about how she's sorry about trying to make Silver kill herself, and Naomi to just find herself a sex slave that likes to be dominated and do her bidding so she doesn't have to worry about whiny boyfriends. I also hope Holly develops an eating disorder and Annie gets nostalgic for her days as an escort and does it just for fun now that her money's come through. Oh, and that the dead Alaska fisherman comes back to get his revenge with a hook or something. That would be cool. And Teddy comes back and continues being awesome and stuff. And Raj lives! All of that should happen.

Next week: Well, if the soundtrack of the preview is anything to go by, the Holocaust, or something just as bad, I guess.

90210- I really wish I was in Ojai too.

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Okay, I've been shoveling snow for 5 hours, so even though I'm not exactly the yoga retreat type, right now I would be all over going to Ojai to get in touch with my feelings or whatever. Also, I would really love a chance to tell Adrianna she is a horrible person in a sweat lodge. Or wherever really.

Okay what was awesome?

- Everyone yelled at Adrianna (except Navid, which would also have been great.). It was amazing. They even pointed out that what she did was twisted and immoral! And that she was shallow and irritating! It made me so so happy

- Adrianna was likeable for like 5 seconds! She talked about giving up her baby for adoption, and how it affected her, she cried and seemed like the rounded, vulnerable interesting character she used to be. And then...well, she blew it pretty quickly and spectacularly.

- Charlie left! Now I don't have to hear his weird scratchy young Michael Jackson voice anymore. Yay!

- And Annie and Liam are together! Oh man, I don't know how I went from hating Annie to really rooting for her to be Liam, but here we are. I think I just want Liam to be happy.

- Annie had an awesome and incredibly loud meltdown about how she hated her stupid cousin, when said cousin was two doors down, and yet had no idea why the cousin might be acting weird. It was a stunning example of teenage obliviousness. Also, it was really funny. And the cousin is super annoying, so I kinda feel her on this one.

- Navid and Silver did it. In a tent, on a yoga retreat, with Adrianna about 50 feet away. It was hot.

- Dixon asked if his chest was getting too big. It was funny. Also, no, you look fine.

Some things sucked:

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- Emily, the annoying cousin. She is mean AND annoying, Also, even as a brunette, she's a dead ringer for Kelly Taylor, who I hate. (She STOLE Dylan while Brenda was in Paris! Disgusting.) Emily better keep her mitts of Liam. This character is a good idea though, because it is making me genuinely like Annie.

- Ryan/Deb ruined date. Nobody cares. Seriously, they're both off the show next season, so there really is no one that cares.

- Naomi is so obviously going get taken advantage of by that yoga guru and her weird sidekick. Probably even next week.

- ADRIANNA SELLING HER BABY STORY AND DECIDING TO GET HER BACK FOR PUBLICITY AND MONEY. I put that in all caps because it seems that she is the absolute worst person ever, just like I have been suspecting all season.

-Navid didn't dump Ade yet. Just dump her dude, she's terrible.

- No Teddy!

Next week: My DVR cut off the preview, but my guess is that Naomi is going to get taken advantage of by that yoga guru, Adrianna is going to continue being awful with almost zero consequences and Navid and Silver are going to agonize over their affair. Also, Liam and Annie will probably get it on a lot.

90210 is back, and so am I!

Luckily only one of us has tons of drama going on. We start off right where we left off, at Ade's stupid Christmas party. So we've got Navid (Michael Steger) and Silver (Jessica Stroup) kissing, Teddy (Trevor Donovan) and Ian (Kyle Riabko) kissing, Dixon (Tristan Michaels) and Cannon creeping (on Teddy/Ian and Naomi, respectively), Ade's big secret being revealed on TMZ or something and Liam (Matt Lanter) and Annie (Shenae Grimes) basking in the afterglow of doing it. And now, things are about to get crazy.

cwtv.comMr. Cannon, looking psychotown.

Let's just go at these dramas from biggest to smallest, because today, that's how I roll.

Naomi/Cannon/Silver- This part had it all! Knives, almost murder, yelling, tears, and horrible horrible plans. Let's be real here, Cannon's plan was incredibly terrible. Tying up former victims and almost-victims and making them say that it was all made up on video, where there are clearly under duress? Then stealing one his victims trust funds? Sure dude, that's gonna make you look totally innocent. I'm sure your wife will coming running to find you under your next assumed name. What a coincidence that the guy Naomi fake-accused of sexual harassment was a real-rapist. That's just bad luck right there. Anyway, I thought AnnaLynn McCord did a pretty good job during the whole "Ima gonna kill him" scene, and the dude who plays Cannon brought it for that one as well, even though he was kind of over the top for the rest of the hostage situation. Though I usually really like her, Jessica Stroup was really doing it for me in the scenes. I guess "oh-my-god-we're-gonna-die" kind of acting just isn't her thing.

On a side note, I watched O.G. 90210 this weekend (along with Shenae Grimes in Degrassi, I was really preparing for this!) and when Erin came on my boyfriend yelled "It's baby Silver!" and it was awesome.

Ivy/Dixon- This storyline become a drama-filled frontrunner when Ivy almost died!

cwtv.comIvy, about to fake an injury.

I found it sort of weird that after saving her life, Dixon just left. "Hey, glad you didn't die, I'm out!" I mean this was a girl that a few weeks ago, he was in true love with. I'm pretty sure I would stay to make sure my worst enemy was okay and not traumatized after almost drowning, but apparently Dixon is still really mad about the whole Oliver thing. It's kind of creepy how pissed he is that he doesn't get to take Ivy's virginity. Dixon is pretty much being a huge creep this entire episode though, so it makes sense. Anyway, after all the near death drama, Ivy is apparently cleared to compete in some surf meet, and then fakes an injury to get out of it because she is too scared to surf. Which, duh Ivy, of course. You almost died about an hour ago, so maybe you're not quite ready to get back up on the board again.

Adrianna/Navid/Silver- Speaking of PTSD, Ade is faking it to try and get out of the fact that she is essentially a grave robber, but it ain't working. So of course, even though Navid was gonna dump her and then eventually be with Silver, he feels like he can't because she is such a wreck. I don't really get this, because she is just facing the consequences for a totally awful thing that she has done, so I don't really think he should feel bad for dumping her on her ass. I mean just get her to rock bottom faster Navid, she'll thank you later. This show just loves to keep the couples I like apart, doesn't it.

cwtv.com Liam and Charlie make up from their feud that makes no sense.

Liam/Annie/Charlie- Yes it does! Because even after making me kind of like Annie and want her to be with Liam, now this show is keeping them apart as well! I feel so betrayed 90210. You made me root for Annie! And then, just like that, you revealed that the reason Liam hated his brother so much was completely stupid and senseless (I maintain there is NO WAY this was the plan all along, because they did everything they could to make Charlie seem kind of sinister.) So anyway, when they were little kids, one time, Charlie was mean to Liam and let him get beat up by their evil uncle. But Charlie himself was beat by the evil uncle many many times, and was only mean to Liam to make him leave (which...wouldn't the beatings make you leave?). So pretty much the story doesn't make sense, Liam being crazy mad and refusing to even hear his brother out doesn't make any sense, and now, Annie and Liam cannot be together. So blech. Also, Annie has an annoying cousin who wants to take over her life, and I gotta tell you, I'm not looking forward to that storyline.

At the bottom of the drama rung, we have Teddy/Ian/Dixon. Basically Dixon saw Teddy and Ian kissing, and then acted like a 10 year old about it, asking Navid "why would two guys kiss?" and then being all cage and weird and afraid Teddy is going to hit on him at any minute. In the end, he just asks Teddy about it and Teddy lies for like 5 seconds before saying he didn't want to talk about and not to tell anyone. Don' t trust him Teddy, since he's morphed into a tween, the whole school should know in about 8 hours.

Next week:
The girls go on a spa day or something? The previews almost totally ruin this show. I hate you CW promo makers.

Grinchy Glee!

Okay, so let me just put this out there right away. I don't really like Christmas music. As a young misanthrope, I used to say that I hated Christmas music, but that's not really true. It's just as a person who loves music, Christmas music has always been my least favorite kind. There are so many schlocky, fakey, icky holiday songs out in the world, and they are so much harder to avoid than all the schlocky, fakey, icky regular music in the world. There are people who still haven't heard Justin Bieber, but there is no one that can escape twenty terrible versions of "Jingle Bell Rock" around this time of year. So with that in mind, now I shall tell you what I thought about an episode of Glee whose thin plot pretty much only existed so that the characters could sing Christmas songs.

Still, there were some things I liked! It's a Christmas Miracle!

-Last Christmas! It's only the BEST.CHRISTMAS.SONG.EVER! Wham! does it better though.

-Grinch homage! I felt like it visually looked great. Loved the scenes with Becky as the reindeer dog pulling the wagon. It really reminded me of the classic cartoon (not the terrible Jim Carrey cartoon!.

-Britanny. Loved it. Heather Morris has been doing great job all season imbuing Britanny's dumb/brilliant lines with a childlike innocence and it paid off in this episode. She was adorable as Cindy Lou Who in the Grinch scene.

-Artie's walking things! I cannot lie, I was crying a little bit. One thing that I really loved about that scene was the quick shot of Tina's reaction. It reminded us that they had a really sweet relationship going before she dumped him for Mike Chang's abs. (Not that she didn't have a good reason...thankfully they have pretty much dropped that whole "Artie as a misogynist" thing from last season.) I think Jenna Ushkowitz was wonderful in that quick scene, looking loving and grateful at seeing Artie up and about. It was a nice way to play the whole thing. I am not sure how any of this is going to play out for the rest of the season. (Will they just forget about it, using the line "I can't use them all the time" as a way out?) but it was touching for the holiday episode.

-I'll take Sue's turnaround, even though it wasn't really earned. Since it was right after the Artie scene, they kind of had me, so I thought that was sweet too.

-Quotes that made me laugh (out loud, I admit)

-I really really love Coach Beist.

-"I didn't know what it was. I assumed it was a Transformer."
-"It's unseasonably warm, actually, for this time of year."

Things I feel Grinchy about:

-Finn and Rachel. Ugh. Didn't they "officially" break up last week? Also, I didn't like the song she sang to him.

-I bet you a million dollars this exact Rachel and Finn plot will be played out in an upcoming episode. Minus Christmas trees, obviously.

-Okay, (and props to Kate Marciniec here) I didn't really care about Kurt and Blaine singing the sort of rapey "Baby It's Cold Outside" together.

-They 1. made me fear that Santana was going to cut her beautiful, beautiful hair and then 2. intimated that it wasn't her own beautiful beautiful hair. Not cool Glee.

-Um, I'm not really that into Christmas music and this episode had almost zero plot. So that was a bummer to me.

-I haven't hated Will for two episodes in a row and that just feels wrong.

Next week:
Nothing. American Idol is coming in January apparently. Yay.

90210 is making me root for cheating (teenage) couples!

j
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Adrianna and her ridiculous Christmas spectacle, which took place at her own giant house. With a skating rink.

Due to a tragic VHS (yes I said that, VHS) mishap, I missed last week's episode. From what I gather, here's what happened:

-Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) continued to be awful.
-Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) and Ivy (Gillian Zinser) became BFF.
-Naomi and Oscar talked/flirted.
-Liam (Matt Lanter) tried to help that annoying girl whose guest house he lives in out and got jumped for his troubles.
-Navid (Michael Steger) told Silver (Jessica Stroup) he had feelings for her. (squee!!!)
-Navid dumped Adrianna for being awful, but then got back together with her.
-Teddy (Trevor Donovan) and Ian (Kyle Ribako) went out on a date (squee!!!)
-Deb (Lori Loughlin) and Ryan Matthews (Ryan Eggold) can't deny their attraction or some such thing.
-Dixon (Tristan Wilds) and Annie (Shenae Grimes), though ostensibly the stars of the show, continued to be way less interesting than any of the other characters.


So onto this week's ep!


Adrianna has officially transformed into the most terrible person ever. Most of the time Navid is sitting near her and hearing her talk he can not even mask how nauseated he is by her every word. He honestly looks like he might throw up on her when she sneers through her teeth "This present is so hideous." while smiling at the person who gave it to her. Also, she bought a stupid McMansion house. I know I often harp about how they turned her complex and interesting character into a one dimensional idiot with no feelings or brain, but to be honest, I just want to see her get SMACKED DOWN at this point, so I was totally psyched with Monday's developments. I mean Victor (you know you are awful when I am rooting for that guy over you) exposed her grave robbing to the press AND Silver and Navid totally made out. I was actually cheering as they kissed. Earlier in the episode, when Navid asked her if she had feelings for him and Silver unconvincingly said no and then Ade came down and displayed her horribleness for them once again, all I could say was "If I were Silver, I would have turned to Navid and said, 'Um okay, I don't feel bad anymore. Let's have sex right now." She is that odious. Also, let's be real, Navid and Silver are really cute together. And they're in high school, so whatever. Sorry, Fidelity Watchdog, that's just how it is.


Okay, so the other cheating couple I was rooting for? Annie and Liam. It does seem shocking that I would root for Annie in any way, but Liam told her he was in love with her, and I really just want to see him happy. Also, Charlie is totally weird. Something about that raspy way he talks creeps me out sometimes. And he probably murdered their abusive uncle and let Liam take the blame for it. Yes, I am still going with that theory. (Where is Deb throughout all of this? Her kids take in one of their friends who has no parents and has been beat up, and then her daughter proceeds to have sex with him and sleep in his bed all night long. Too busy getting busy with Mr. Matthews I guess.)

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I was also rooting for the non-cheating but in-hiding couple, Teddy and Ian. Kudos to the CW for letting them kiss a bunch! I was psyched about that! Sometimes network TV can shy-away from letting same-sex couples show affection, so I was pleasantly surprised with these two. I loved that in the beginning of the ep., Ian was all like "sorry, I can't go back into the closet for you." and then as soon as Teddy was all sexily leaning over him at the party he was like "okay, I can be discrete for awhile, that's cool!" Yeah of course you can Ian, because you have eyes, and Teddy is brutally hot. They were of course, not being discrete at all, making out in the hallway at a party. Where Dixon saw, and looked very shocked! Dixon's usually cool about stuff, but he is kind of a bro, so I will be interested to see his reaction to this.



Hmm what else? Oh Ivy! The Ivy stuff was cute and sad all at once. Her crying to her mom (Kelly Lynch) that she just needed her to love her made me tear up a little. I could see that she was going to get her heartbroken by her deadbeat dad from a mile away, but it seemed realistic that it would take her awhile to figure things out. I'm glad she and her weird voiced mom who is a terrible actress worked things out! I also like her and Naomi as friends. Naomi has great friend chemistry with most of the girls on this show! (Though not, strangely enough with Adrianna, who was her best friend when the show began.) And speaking of poor Naomi, that final shot with Mr. McRapeyTeacher creeping in her room was pretty scary!


Viewer quotes:

"Okay, I am putting both Teddy AND Liam on my celebrity freebie list, right now." -S
"You would even root for me to make out with Liam?" -Sh. to his wife.
"Oh man, Teddy is losing his boner for Ian right now watching this." -K. watching Ian destroy some Christmas song at Ade's party.
"I don't usually like to root for infidelity but...YES YES YES MAKE-OUT YES YES!!!"-K


Next week: There is no next week! It isn't coming back until January 24! This means I'll be 30 before I get to watch 90210 again! Tragic!
But when it does come back, there will be more Navid and Silver making out, which is awesome!

Yes Glee, no 90210.

Because of a tragic VHS recording mishap, I didn't get to see 90210 last night. Sad face. Maybe it's on demand or something? I don't think it is. Sigh. I did, however, get to see Glee, so at least I can write about that, and please all you Glee-maniacs or Gleeniacs or whatever the kids are saying these days. Glee neither enraged nor thrilled me last night. It just kind of happened in front of me, and some things I liked while other things I did not. So, here goes!

Things I liked:

-Both the sectionals songs that New Directions did were great. I love anything that reminds me of Dirty Dancing, and Tina and Mercedes killed "Dog Days Are Gone"! Good stuff.

-The Hipsters singing "The Living Years" which I always mistake to be my brother Tom's graduation song, even though I am pretty sure it wasn't actually.

-Britanny and Artie! From the magic comb, to the 'adultery misunderstanding' to her telling him she was dancing for him, these two were hilarious and genuinely sweet all night. Maybe these two crazy kids really can make it work!

-Rachel and Finn getting "couples counseling". Jayma Mays was great in this scene! I loved her little "no no no no" to Finn as he was agreeing with Rachel that Santana is "super hot". (Agreed on that one Finn!)

-Also super hot? Puck. Just saying.

-The newest member of New Directions! "I'm not nervous. You know why? Because show choir is stupid."

-Will being non-awful AND yelling at Rachel for being a jerk. Best Will episode in a long long while.

-Rachel speaking and acting like a normal human being in her scene with Kurt. More of that please!

-Kurt having a tough time fitting in with The Warblers. They seem a little cultish to me.

-Emma marrying "the finest dentist who ever lived"!!

-That Tina refers to her boyfriend as "Mike Chang".

-"Asian kiss."

Things I did not like:

-Rachel/Finn/Santana/Puck. Actually, I was fine with it until the whole "Rachel made out with Puck" revelation, because that was dumb.

-No Sue! No one likes that.

-Emma making some kind of weird unsure face like maybe she is still in love with stupid Will. Um, you're married to John Stamos now, just shut up and be happy. Also, Will is gross.

-What was the point of the whole speech to Kurt about The Warblers needing to "fit in and not stand out" when they are basically just a backing group for Darren Criss?! He was standing out a bit, it seemed to me.

-The fact that this episode was just dropped on us without any build up whatsoever. Way to get me excited for Sectionals! I was not at all excited, because the fact that they were going to be competing soon was nothing more than a throwaway line in the last 4 "Kurt Hummel is the most amazing person ever ever ever" eps.

-The fact that The Hipsters were not played by the Young @ Heart Choir. Come on! They need to be on this!

-A tie? I mean I get that this is for dramatic purposes so there is more competing against Kurt, but man, they pretty much just beat one group. Not that impressive really.

-Are these people friends or do they hate each other? Because to be honest, I don't have any desire to cheer on a bunch of awful people who hate each other.

Next week:
Previews are like mind-wipes to me, so I cannot remember! Um, singing is my guess though.

Good job Glee!

So after a mess of an episode last week, Glee came back with an "In your FACE KRISTA!!" episode with coherent story lines and themes! Sort of at least, which is all I am really asking!

So what was good?

-Carol Burnett! She's always good. Also, "I don't think you ever truly appreciated the sacrifices I made to become a famous Nazi hunter."

-The wedding vows! They were very cute and touching (though if I were Finn I would be a little pissed about all the Kurt adulation and then the "oh right, and also, Finn is here too..." by both parents.) and I really like those two actors together.

-No Will! I really like episodes where Will has no storyline SO MUCH BETTER. I mean we did have to look at his creepy "proud" face a lot, but that was pretty much it.

-The episode actually made sense!

-Sue's wedding dress for her wedding to herself was lovely and perfect for her. Her handicapable sister was totally right about that.

-Go Mike Chang! Is it just me or was he totally hot when he was defending Kurt?! I also liked his dance up the aisle.

-Kurt decided to transfer. Here are the reasons I like it 1. Doesn't solve the bullying problem all tidy and in a bow. 2. Brings Kurt together with more potential love interests (everyone loves Darren Criss!). 3. He looks good in those blazers. 4. It stressed Rachel out and I think I hate her. ("So this means you'll be competing against us at regionals?!)

-The songs were good, fit in with the story and hit a lot of really nice emotional beats. Less flash than usual, but I think it worked.

Weirdness:

-Well let's be real here, Sue's entire story was totally weird. Her mother, famous Nazi hunter Carol Burnett, is back in town to attend Sue's wedding to herself? I think the pathos of being abandoned by her mean bully of a mother would have worked better with just one totally odd element. With both, it seemed kind of strange that the show wanted us to genuinely feel for Sue there. I still kinda did though, which I am crediting to Jane Lynch, because she is always great.

-Um, it is really weird to make your wedding toast be ALL ABOUT yourself and your almost stepbrother and some issues the two of you have been having personally. I know everyone on 'Glee' thinks everything is ALL ABOUT THEM, but come on, that was the epitome of self-centeredness masquerading as some kind of brave gesture. The song was cute as hell though, I will admit.

-I might be willing to believe that Burt and Carol just didn't have any friends to ask to be their wedding party, so they just had their kids' friends instead, except for the fact that their wedding was filled with huge, cheering, masses of people. Surely one of them could have been a bridesmaid?


Still bugging me (you knew it had to come!):

-Sam/Quinn promise ring/quest to be popular. That shit was dumb. They are cute together sometimes, but that whole proposal thing was creeptastic, and every time he talks about being the most popular guy in school I just want to hit him or fall asleep.

-St. Kurt. Okay, now don't all pile on here, I love Kurt! But at this point his character is treated (by the characters AND the show) as some kind of perfect human who does no wrong and just teaches people how to be better. We just saw him being a bad friend to Mercedes last week, but even that was swept under the rug in the form of that bullshit "Mercedes is eating her feelings" storyline. I mean at the rate of "Kurt is amazing" eps this show is at, next week the entire glee club will just be mourning his transfer and singing songs about how amazing he is for the entire hour. The fact that he is one of the only truly likeable characters on Glee is a failing of the show, it is not because he is some kind of angel sent from heaven to teach us how to be a man or whatever. I like Kurt. I just liked him more when he was multidimensional.

-Um I love Santana being kind of bitch and awesome, but trying to break up Rachel and Finn so she can sleep with seems unnecessarily mean and desperate. Oh well, I guess it wouldn't be Glee if the writers didn't show contempt for at least one of the characters.

-Not enough Puck! Is there ever enough Puck?! I don't know.

-Sue's not principal anymore! She was actually doing a good job!

-The sound cut out at the end, and I made up my own dialogue. Since I was pretty much right on, I think Glee should just hire me to write on the show, and I will whip them into shape! (Sorry Sarah, I had to.)

Next week: REGIONALS OMG OMG OMG!!! Also, Emma is back, which means some yucky Will time.

GET EXCITED!! I'm writing about Glee!!!

Though if you are a super-huge Glee fan(or Gleek, as is the common parlance), don't get too excited, because I am going to complain about it. But first, because I love you, I will tell you the things I liked about last night's episode!!

1. Gwyneth Paltrow. She was good! I mean I know that this shouldn't be a surprise considering she is an Oscar winning actress and everything, but she has been portrayed as so insufferable and pretentious in the press lately that I was startled at how funny and likeable she was. And her singing voice is pretty good!

2. "Forget You." Despite the fact that it was the clean version and it was missing Cee-Lo's incredible voice, that was a fun number. Good on Gwynnie once again for that!

3. Will was less terrible than usual. I liked his scenes with Holly Holiday a lot.

4. The flashbacks to Will constantly suggesting Journey songs were hilarious.

So there's a few things, mostly Paltrow related, that I thought were working last night. Things I wasn't so sure about include:

1. PLOT. Oh my god Glee writers, one of the main jobs of writers on television shows is to write a clear and cohesive plot each week. And yet, each week, you FAIL at this. FAIL FAIL FAIL. Let's just look at this week, because if we looked at the entire series as a whole either my head would explode or this one item would be novel-length. So just last night's then?
- Ahem, Sue is principal, Sue is bored with being Will's friend, Sue wants to destroy Glee club, wait, no she wants to disband football, wait no, she wants to ban tater tots. Okay let's settle on that then, tater tots. Mercedes is upset that Kurt keeps ditching her, no wait, she is weirdly obsessed with tater tots, no wait, she is using food to replace love AND Kurt to replace a boyfriend (Of course she is because she is a fat girl, and since fat girls can't get boyfriends they just hang out with gay guys and eat. EWW Glee, eww.) oh now she is going to date a hot guy so presumably the fact that Kurt has been a crappy friend to her since he met a guy he likes is totally fine now, and she will no longer be hallucinating about tater tots. Like, how did these even COME UP as ideas in the writer's room? I imagine the Glee writer's room as a group of dudes coming up with a bunch of scenes and then asking a monkey to come up with the thinnest plot possible to connect them, and then they work on the monkey's plot a little to make it less sensible. Then voila! An episode of Glee is created!
"Okay monkey, connect these things: Will and Mike Chang do a Broadway number, Gwyneth Paltrow as Mary Todd Lincoln, Sue's the principal now, Fat girl loves tater tots, all the Glee kids as little children, Vapo-Rub, gay guys love Vogue, GO!!!" WTF?!

2. Characters. Why are they all jerks most of the time? Is this show just telling me that show-people are jerks? Maybe it is. I guess I can believe that.

3. Mashups. Sometimes they can be cool (Grey Album anyone?) but most of the time they just make both songs sound awful. Since your show's value comes mostly from the fun and cool music, stop with the bad mashups!

4. Sue vs. Will. I know I covered plot pretty generally already, but the whole "Sue is trying to destroy glee club" storyline is way more boring than the "Will and Sue as weird frenemies" plotline. For one, the show is called Glee so I'm pretty sure she is not going to succeed in destroying the glee club. Also, "glee in peril" was the arc of the first season, so it is definitely time to move on. I don't know if this episode was bringing it back for good or just this once (ask the monkey!) but hopefully they will just let it die.

5. Not enough Santana, she is really pretty. Really pretty.

6. How could they ever win a contest when they sing different songs every single week?!! I mean I understand it would be lame if they sang the same songs every week...but the whole "lesson plan" idea is dumb.

I searched and searched (okay, I really just Googled it two different ways) to find the Kelly Kapoor quote from last week's office about Glee, because it really encapsulated my feelings about this show. She asked like half of the plot questions that have been driving me insane all season! Since I can't find that, I will just end with this. There is a lot of potential in this show, and I want it to be better, so it drives me extra crazy when it is stupid. And since it is stupid most of the time, that is a lot of crazy. Come on Glee, be better, you've got a good cast, a good concept, and millions of fans who watch this show every week. DO IT BETTER.

I'm back with some more 90210 talk!

These two are adorable.

I'm back! After a one week personal hiatus for which I have no excuse, here I am! So before we get into the new episode here's a quick recap of what happened last week:

-After accidentally taking the wrong baby home from some kind of baby trunk show sale thing and then letting her kid fall off a changing table, Jen (Sara Foster, who I think is prego in real life!) decided she was a terrible mother and abandoned her child, thereby proving she is a terrible mother. (Question, why has no one suggested postpartum depression or worried about Jen at all here? I mean I hate the woman, so that's my excuse, but you would think that her sister or the father of her child might have some concern.)

-Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) and Ivy (Gillian Zinser) teamed up to humiliate Oscar, who I almost just called Oliver. Now Naomi and Ivy are friends.

-Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) stopped acting like a horrible person long enough to make Navid (Michael Steger) and Silver (Jessica Stroup) feel all guilty for their "slow lean in towards a kiss, but not actually a kiss" thing. Who takes that long to kiss someone?!! That was the slowest lean ever.

-After an awesome sting where Silver dressed up like an aspired porn actress, she and Navid found out that his company is a little lax about the whole "over 18 to be in porn thing"/

-Navid freaked out and told his guidance counselor that his father was a child pornographer. (Not exactly how I would have put it, especially if I were 17 year old boy who has actually had sex, but Navid's got a pretty black and white view of the world so it kind of makes sense.)

So those were the major points! On to this week's ep!

-OMG yay Teddy (Trevor Donovan) is back! He is sorry about driving stoned AND totally checking out a gay bar! Yay Teddy! As you can see, I am still loving this storyline. I was thinking that Ian (Kyle Riabko) is being incredibly nice and patient with Teddy considering what a jerk Teddy has been to him, but then I looked at Teddy and realized of course he is, Teddy is crazy hot.

-Annie (Shenae Grimes) had some scenes with Charlie and his college roommates and ex-girlfriend that were so boring I contemplated beginning a campaign to have all college students punched in the face. Because seriously, if this is how college kids talk nowadays, they deserve it.

Weird face alert!

-Then Naomi told Annie she had to have sex with Charlie to "lock him down" which led to Annie coming out of his bathroom in her underwear in front of all his roommates. So that was awesome.

-Then Charlie TOTALLY lied to her about how he got his scars, because Liam has the EXACT same scars yet was not mentioned in his "abusive uncle" story. A theory on this? Charlie killed the abusive uncle and blamed it on Liam. (That was Sarah's theory, not mine, but I like it!)

-Ryan (Ryan Eggold) and Deb (Lori Loughlin) had some awkward sex. (That guy really likes the older ladies!) And then he forgot his baby at her house. Just for a second, but seriously, this poor child. Mistaken for another child, abandoned by his mother and then forgotten by his father in the span of like 3 weeks! That is rough. Jack is gonna be SO troubled on 90210-The Third Generation.

-Navid's dad is now being investigated by the police because of Navid's slip about "child porn" to the guidance counselor last week. Since he is guilty, he decided to just run away. TO IRAN. Because if there is one thing they love in Iran, it's pornographers! I mean come on Mr. Shirazi, this is America and you are clearly incredibly rich, so I think you could probably buy your way out of jail or at least get a pretty lenient sentence. No? Not a good plan? Well okay then, off you go, to Iran, otherwise known as 'the land of freedom'. Don't worry about your wife and children, I'm sure they'll be fine.

-Adrianna was a total insensitive jerk. That could basically be the line for her in every episode. Also, she totally has the #1 single in the country or something.

-At the end, Navid went to Silver, because he needs someone to talk to. Not just someone, her. SWOON.


Best 90210-watcher quotes of the night:

Re: Teddy.
"I still just want to make out with him. He looks like he'd be a good....kisser." -S

"Of course Teddy has no problem getting served at the gay bar, because he looks 35."- K. "That's because he IS 35!"-S.

"There's been awkward no-sex, awkward actual sex and now..."-K. "I want awkward gay sex!"-Sh.

Next week:
WHY CAN I NEVER REMEMBER THE PREVIEWS?! It's because they are awful.

90210 was almost too good to make fun of! (Almost)

See what I'm talking about here?!

Okay, so only two of my predictions from last week came true 1. Dixon (Tristan Wilds) and Ivy (Gillian Zinser) got back together (for like a minute) and 2. Teddy (Trevor Donovan) was back looking all hot and stuff. Super hot! I'm usually not that into Teddy, but his outfit was so freakin' adorable last night I couldn't stand it. I found it unrealistic that Ian (Kyle Riabko) made it through his hosting gig without professing his love for Teddy, and that Silver (Jessica Stroup) didn't want to get back together with him. I really love pea coats and vertical stripes, what can I say?


So what was good? Lots.

-First of all, my dream came true, and we had an episode featuring Teddy, Ian and Navid (Micheal Steger) and NOT featuring Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes)or Jen (Sara Foster). Perfect.

-Navid is adorable. It makes me sad that we had evidence of how great his parents are RIGHT BEFORE he realizes his dad might have used an underage actress in his porn movie. I think it is interesting that they aren't just using his dad's profession as a total joke like they did the first couple of seasons.

-Um, Navid and Silver are totally going to fall in love. I can't believe I have never seen this before, but they are actually the perfect couple! Both smart, ambitious, a little nerdy and they are actually good people! So, SUCK IT ADRIANNA. (On a side note, it is crazy to me how easily I switch couple alliances on this show. Usually I root for couple even years after they have broken up. I don't know if this speaks to the fact that this show really makes the breakups realistic, or just that they are in high school and they shouldn't be together forever anyway, or I am old and jaded and I just don't care anymore. Um, I'm gonna go with YAY 90210 on this one.)

-Teddy is still angrily (and interestingly!) struggling with his sexuality, and Ian is still bringing it up EVERY TIME he sees him. Stop apologizing for making him uncomfortable dude! That is what is making him uncomfortable! (I still really like these two, can't wait til they move past this awkward phase!)

-I think the whole Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) pressing charges against Cannon (Hal Ozsan) storyline was done really well. I loved the exchange in the police station about "fair fights" I liked her and Oscar working together to find out the truth about him, and even though the whole Cannon fleeing the country thing is a little silly, I liked how they portrayed Naomi as really needing this closure, and not at all agreeing with Annie (Shenae Grimes) that "it's over now." This is a really tough subject to handle on a fairly light show, and I think for what it is, they've done a pretty good job.

-Well if he can't be drunk and funny, at least they are letting Mr. Matthews (Ryan Eggold) be likeable and smart. So that's something.

-So I like Oscar now. This just in.

-Also, I loved loved loved that the key to catching Cannon was the fact that he got all insane when Oscar (Blair Redford) suggested he had a Cockney accent, and that Oscar was thinking about his fake accent SO MUCH he brought it up to Naomi for no real reason! British snobbery saves the day once again!!

-No Jen or Deb! (I know I liked them last week, but I did not miss them At. All.)

-"The Undies" thing was sort of funny. Way funnier than the stupid human auction thing.

Bummer things:

-Dixon and Ivy broke up again. Again. Will they ever just have sex?!!

-Harper's voice is so annoying. Her dad is played by a super nice dad from a show from my childhood that I cannot remember right now, but even so, I didn't like seeing him be a jerk.

-Seriously where is this Liam storyline headed? Now he's a drug mule? Or going to have to beat those dudes up? Will he need Annie's help or something? I'm not seeing it.

-Liam seems as about annoyed with his storyline right now as I am.

-I hate the girl who plays Laura, the purse cocaine girl. I mean Liam is hot and everything, but her shamelessness is consistently gross and not funny. They have a tough time with funny on this show. At least when they are purposely trying to be humorous.

-Ivy needs to get her attitude back! Stop the moping!

-The woman who plays the cop is still a terrible actress.

Next week:
Did you forget for a second that Adrianna is a terrible terrible person? Well, next week, you will remember! Dear lord, if 90210 was actually the show that the CW's promo department makes it look like, I couldn't even watch it as a joke.

90210 has performed a miracle!

And what are the miracles I am talking about here? There were a few surprises in this week's episode of 90210, but I will admit, really only one miracle. Okay here goes. This is tough for me to believe, but here it is: I didn't hate Jen. I kind of even liked her. I mean Sara Foster is still just awful, (see Nathan Rabin of the AV Club's review of The Big Bounce for an incredibly satisfying takedown of her skills as an actress) but Jen's anger after finding out that Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) had been raped made her sympathetic while still being in character. I have been wondering how they were going to humanize the monster and figured that giving her a baby was supposed to do it, so I'm glad she found out and was able to let her sisterly instincts shine through. Also, if Deb (Lori Loughlin) continues to put her in her place with a smile, ("Jen, don't be a bitch. Follow me girls!") she might become one of my favorite characters on the show! So there it is. I liked both Jen and Deb in this week's episode. If that is not a miracle, then I don't know what one is. (Note: It is entirely possible that I don't know what one is.)

Other pleasant surprises in the ep?

-Maybe Jen is gonna take down Mr. McRapey?!! That has the makings of awesomeness.

-Ryan (Ryan Eggold) didn't even hesitate to risk his job for Naomi and the rest of the girls at West Bev's safety. I was afraid he was going to have some kind of moral dilemma that we were supposed to sympathize with, which would have been ridiculous, because it is incredibly clear what the right thing to do there would be.

-Dixon (Tristan Wilds) actually just told Ivy (Gillian Zinser) the truth! A little late maybe, but it was still refreshing to see him just spill his guts totally.

-Oscar finally went through with his plan to destroy Laurel! This story has just been plugging along in the background for me, and in a weird way, I kind of found myself sympathizing with Oscar. I mean this woman helped destroy his family and began a chain of events that would eventually lead to his mother's death, not to mention the fact that she was sleeping with him, a kid she had known since he was a child, AFTER having already slept with his father. That is some gross stuff Laurel. Seriously. So I was kind of rooting for him. I do feel bad that poor Ivy was caught up in the whole thing though. She did not take it well, let me say that. Hopefully this will lead her to forgiving Dixon, and then they can finally sleep together and she can the best night of her life!

Things I did not like:

-Despite some arresting visuals, the Liam (Matt Lanter) story is not working for me,
I don't really get where he is coming from re: Annie, and the whole "living the pool house of a crazy girl who likes him obsessively" thing just isn't as funny to me as it is to the writers of this show. I am not even remotely interested in these two having wacky hijinks.

-Adrianna Jessica Lowndes). Ugh ugh ugh. Ugh. When Navid (Michael Steger) told her "You're not a bad person." I was yelling "Yes she is! She really really is!" at the screen. Then, just a few scenes later, she proves it by deciding to stick with Uncle Creepy. I am really disappointed that they have taken a character with a lot of layers (addiction, pregnancy, troubled relationship with mom, acting ambition vs. wanting to just be a kid, etc.) and reduced her to an idiot whose only personality trait is a desire for fame. Yuck.

-No Teddy (Trevor Donovan) and Ian! I want my Teddy and Ian!!! Just give me an episode that features Teddy and Navid and I will be a happy camper. I am always missing one of them.

Assorted weirdness:

-The Annie (Shenae Grimes) and Charlie story. I never before got a feeling that maybe Charlie was a psycho, and I am not even sure if we are supposed to think that is a possibility or if we are just supposed to think that Annie is insane and paranoid. Given those two choices, I will always assume that the girl making seizure faces is crazy. Charlie and Liam having matching scars did intrigue me though.

-Are there really stores where muscular men help you whilst not wearing a shirt? This seems creepy to me. All I could think about was the fact that they could be sweating on the merchandise or something.

-Jack vs. Jacques = who cares?

Next week: Damn it! I cannot remember the preview at all. Here are some assumptions: Dixon and Ivy get back together, Jen does something awful to Mr. Cannon, Silver and Navid get to use their judgeyness for good instead of annoyingness by totally judging Adrianna, and Teddy is back, looking all hot and stuff. Let's see what pans out!!

90210- Better Late than Never?

Oh they are going to make the cutest couple!

Well I'm a little late here, but here I am, ready to talk about "Catch Me if You Cannon", which involved no actual catching of Mr. Cannon, but some catching of Ian. So there was catching. I gotta tell you, whoever names these episodes does a terrible job.

Even though the setup was beyond cliche, I am still liking Teddy (Trevor Donovan) and Ian's (Kyle Riabko) scenes together. Though at this point if Ian ever wants to date Teddy he might end up in an abusive relationship. Teddy was so aggressive with him that I really wasn't sure if he was going to catch him when he was falling off the roof! I guess the aggression makes sense because Teddy is definitely struggling with his sexuality. I like that the show seems to be taking the slow burn approach with this, because it makes it a bit more realistic. I am really liking the Ian character too! The show is definitely not shying away from any aspect of this story, including Teddy's 'performance problems' with the ladies...I wonder if Silver ever experienced that?

And speaking of Silver...well Silver's plan to catch Mr. Cannon (or as you may know him "Mr. Rapes-a-lot") was as stupid and ill-conceived as I thought it would be. Also, dangerous! Oh Silver. The one thing I loved about this entire storyline was that they put Silver (Jessica Stroup) in like 8-inch heels for that last scene where she is trying to intimidate him. She was towering over him! That's probably why he looked nervous, because I don't really know why he would be shaking in his boots over Silver's next 'great plan'. I would love to see him get his comeuppance though, so prove me wrong Silver and Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord)! (I won't even mention Adrianna's contributions to this 'plan', mostly because they consisted of her standing around and mumbling. They are really killing this character for me this season. And where was Navid?!!)

I chose this one because Jen looks stupid in it.

Jen (Sara Foster) and Ryan (Ryan Eggold) had their baby. I think it looked like Ryan somehow, even though it was a little baby that just kind of looked like a baby. Other people thought I was insane, but I really thought the kid looked like him. The baby was cute, Jen was awful, and I can't wait until she dies and Ryan has to raise little Jack/Jacques on his own or something. That sounds like it has the makings for adorableness! Paging 90210 writers! Make this happen!

Hmm what else happened on this episode? Kind of a lot actually!

-Dixon (Tristan Wilds) does not have HIV (big surprise there.), but he did dump Ivy (Gillian Zinser) because he thought he did (this was one of those JUST TELL PEOPLE THE TRUTH moments) and then she banged Oscar, who is just sleeping with her to somehow ruin her mother's life. I assume he is going to ruin her mother's life by grossing her out to death, because at this point the mom has slept with him and his dad and Oscar has slept with both Ivy and her mom. That is yucky.

-Annie got back together with Charlie (even though he is still has some kind of secret regarding screwing Liam over) and decided not to donate her eggs. Because she held the spawn of the devil and Ryan.

-Why did Annie hold Jack/Jacques you might ask? Because Deb now works for Jen as some kind of assistant/Nanny person. Therefore integrating Jen and Ryan with th rest of the cast, because let's be honest, I haven't seen Mr. Matthews in school much lately.

-Liam (Matt Lanter) is living in his car. His brother offered him a hotel room to live in (I was like YES!!! Just like Dylan McKay!!!) but he just trashed it instead so as to really let his brother know that he hates him. What a badass. He's still mad at Annie for reasons I do not understand, so she's getting back with the brother. Probably a good plan, Annie, except for his evil secret or whatever. Eh, I'd chance it.


Next week:
All I really remember from the preview is a lot of shots of Liam without his shirt on, so I am assuming it's gonna be a good episode.

90210- The good, the bad, THE CRAZY

The Good:

-The whole Liam (Matt Lanter) trying to seduce Annie (Shenae Grimes) storyline. It was fun, it brought me back to a Dylan/Brenda type thing and it had some shirtless Liam. A lot of win going on there. Also, Shenae Grimes had a good episode where she didn't annoy the crap out of me and acted kind of normal and cute.

-Silver (Jessica Stroup) going all mama-bear and wanting to protect Naomi (Annalynn McCord)! Even though I am sure this will lead so some kind of ill thought out and dangerous plan, still, I like it. And, let's be real, her hair looks better now that it's growing out. (I didn't think it was that bad short though...)

-Silver dumping Teddy (Trevor Donovan) for being a 'homophobic jerk'! Yes! Good for her! Lots of teenage girls would try to make excuses for him, but she was like "NEXT!" (She is definitely in for a surprise on that front though...)

-Teddy and Ian's (Kyle Riabko) palpable sexual chemistry! I think Trevor Donovan is doing a pretty admirable job of portraying someone confused and afraid of his own feelings. When I heard about this storyline I felt like it was kind of out of the blue, but I think with good performances from both guys AND the great chemistry between them, it's actually really working.

-Ivy (Gillian Zinser) decided she wants to sleep with Dixon (Tristan Wilds)! Cause she lurves him! So cute. And, judging by the way his former ladyfriends have acted, get ready for the best night of your life Ivy!!! Oh, wait, maybe not...

-Deb didn't totally annoy or bore me, so I'm putting her in the good column. Remember this at Emmy time Lori Loughlin!

The Bad:

-The entire Adrianna storyline, including Jessica Lowndes' horrendous acting. She did a lot of good work in the first couple of seasons, but she has been just awful this season!

-Lack of Navid! Come on, now Navid is just a nerd joke punchline or a concerned boyfriend? I demand MORE NAVID!

-If people on TV would just tell other people the truth, like once in awhile, there lives would be so much easier! I'm looking at you, Adrianna Tate-Duncan!

-The entire concept of charity bachelor auction of high school boys is, in a word, BAD. Also, the dance routine made me feel embarrassed.

-Liam being super mad at Annie for dating his estranged half brother. Because she clearly did not know.

THE CRAZY-

-Um, showing up at a charity bachelor auction of high school boys to tell your ex (who is a kid and you are an adult, just btw) who hates you with a passion because of a faked pregnancy, that you are HIV POSITIVE. I mean she BID ON HIM! That is totally crazytown. Sasha, you have not changed a bit.

-Sasha's reveal that Dixon might be HIV positive made me gasp! Whoa!!!

-Javier's uncle is really crappy at blackmailing. You can't just keep pushing and pushing when you are blackmailing someone! You gotta make them feel comfortable for awhile like things are gonna be okay and then BAM you hit them with your next demand. Doing it all at once is recipe for, at best, the truth to come out, and at worst, for you to get murdered. Hey, Uncle Creepy, why don't you watch a few episodes of Law & Order and get back to me. Your blackmailing methods are kind of insane.

-Annie's gonna donate her eggs! There's gonna be a little baby Annie running around! I can't wait to see the crazy baby faces he or she makes!

Next week: The previews showed me something dumb and almost totally unrelated to any of the stories I cared about this week. Oh, right. Deb is gonna work for Jen. Wow! My two least favorite characters together at last! A real dream come true here.