Grinchy Glee!

Okay, so let me just put this out there right away. I don't really like Christmas music. As a young misanthrope, I used to say that I hated Christmas music, but that's not really true. It's just as a person who loves music, Christmas music has always been my least favorite kind. There are so many schlocky, fakey, icky holiday songs out in the world, and they are so much harder to avoid than all the schlocky, fakey, icky regular music in the world. There are people who still haven't heard Justin Bieber, but there is no one that can escape twenty terrible versions of "Jingle Bell Rock" around this time of year. So with that in mind, now I shall tell you what I thought about an episode of Glee whose thin plot pretty much only existed so that the characters could sing Christmas songs.

Still, there were some things I liked! It's a Christmas Miracle!

-Last Christmas! It's only the BEST.CHRISTMAS.SONG.EVER! Wham! does it better though.

-Grinch homage! I felt like it visually looked great. Loved the scenes with Becky as the reindeer dog pulling the wagon. It really reminded me of the classic cartoon (not the terrible Jim Carrey cartoon!.

-Britanny. Loved it. Heather Morris has been doing great job all season imbuing Britanny's dumb/brilliant lines with a childlike innocence and it paid off in this episode. She was adorable as Cindy Lou Who in the Grinch scene.

-Artie's walking things! I cannot lie, I was crying a little bit. One thing that I really loved about that scene was the quick shot of Tina's reaction. It reminded us that they had a really sweet relationship going before she dumped him for Mike Chang's abs. (Not that she didn't have a good reason...thankfully they have pretty much dropped that whole "Artie as a misogynist" thing from last season.) I think Jenna Ushkowitz was wonderful in that quick scene, looking loving and grateful at seeing Artie up and about. It was a nice way to play the whole thing. I am not sure how any of this is going to play out for the rest of the season. (Will they just forget about it, using the line "I can't use them all the time" as a way out?) but it was touching for the holiday episode.

-I'll take Sue's turnaround, even though it wasn't really earned. Since it was right after the Artie scene, they kind of had me, so I thought that was sweet too.

-Quotes that made me laugh (out loud, I admit)

-I really really love Coach Beist.

-"I didn't know what it was. I assumed it was a Transformer."
-"It's unseasonably warm, actually, for this time of year."

Things I feel Grinchy about:

-Finn and Rachel. Ugh. Didn't they "officially" break up last week? Also, I didn't like the song she sang to him.

-I bet you a million dollars this exact Rachel and Finn plot will be played out in an upcoming episode. Minus Christmas trees, obviously.

-Okay, (and props to Kate Marciniec here) I didn't really care about Kurt and Blaine singing the sort of rapey "Baby It's Cold Outside" together.

-They 1. made me fear that Santana was going to cut her beautiful, beautiful hair and then 2. intimated that it wasn't her own beautiful beautiful hair. Not cool Glee.

-Um, I'm not really that into Christmas music and this episode had almost zero plot. So that was a bummer to me.

-I haven't hated Will for two episodes in a row and that just feels wrong.

Next week:
Nothing. American Idol is coming in January apparently. Yay.

90210 is making me root for cheating (teenage) couples!

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Adrianna and her ridiculous Christmas spectacle, which took place at her own giant house. With a skating rink.

Due to a tragic VHS (yes I said that, VHS) mishap, I missed last week's episode. From what I gather, here's what happened:

-Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) continued to be awful.
-Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) and Ivy (Gillian Zinser) became BFF.
-Naomi and Oscar talked/flirted.
-Liam (Matt Lanter) tried to help that annoying girl whose guest house he lives in out and got jumped for his troubles.
-Navid (Michael Steger) told Silver (Jessica Stroup) he had feelings for her. (squee!!!)
-Navid dumped Adrianna for being awful, but then got back together with her.
-Teddy (Trevor Donovan) and Ian (Kyle Ribako) went out on a date (squee!!!)
-Deb (Lori Loughlin) and Ryan Matthews (Ryan Eggold) can't deny their attraction or some such thing.
-Dixon (Tristan Wilds) and Annie (Shenae Grimes), though ostensibly the stars of the show, continued to be way less interesting than any of the other characters.


So onto this week's ep!


Adrianna has officially transformed into the most terrible person ever. Most of the time Navid is sitting near her and hearing her talk he can not even mask how nauseated he is by her every word. He honestly looks like he might throw up on her when she sneers through her teeth "This present is so hideous." while smiling at the person who gave it to her. Also, she bought a stupid McMansion house. I know I often harp about how they turned her complex and interesting character into a one dimensional idiot with no feelings or brain, but to be honest, I just want to see her get SMACKED DOWN at this point, so I was totally psyched with Monday's developments. I mean Victor (you know you are awful when I am rooting for that guy over you) exposed her grave robbing to the press AND Silver and Navid totally made out. I was actually cheering as they kissed. Earlier in the episode, when Navid asked her if she had feelings for him and Silver unconvincingly said no and then Ade came down and displayed her horribleness for them once again, all I could say was "If I were Silver, I would have turned to Navid and said, 'Um okay, I don't feel bad anymore. Let's have sex right now." She is that odious. Also, let's be real, Navid and Silver are really cute together. And they're in high school, so whatever. Sorry, Fidelity Watchdog, that's just how it is.


Okay, so the other cheating couple I was rooting for? Annie and Liam. It does seem shocking that I would root for Annie in any way, but Liam told her he was in love with her, and I really just want to see him happy. Also, Charlie is totally weird. Something about that raspy way he talks creeps me out sometimes. And he probably murdered their abusive uncle and let Liam take the blame for it. Yes, I am still going with that theory. (Where is Deb throughout all of this? Her kids take in one of their friends who has no parents and has been beat up, and then her daughter proceeds to have sex with him and sleep in his bed all night long. Too busy getting busy with Mr. Matthews I guess.)

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I was also rooting for the non-cheating but in-hiding couple, Teddy and Ian. Kudos to the CW for letting them kiss a bunch! I was psyched about that! Sometimes network TV can shy-away from letting same-sex couples show affection, so I was pleasantly surprised with these two. I loved that in the beginning of the ep., Ian was all like "sorry, I can't go back into the closet for you." and then as soon as Teddy was all sexily leaning over him at the party he was like "okay, I can be discrete for awhile, that's cool!" Yeah of course you can Ian, because you have eyes, and Teddy is brutally hot. They were of course, not being discrete at all, making out in the hallway at a party. Where Dixon saw, and looked very shocked! Dixon's usually cool about stuff, but he is kind of a bro, so I will be interested to see his reaction to this.



Hmm what else? Oh Ivy! The Ivy stuff was cute and sad all at once. Her crying to her mom (Kelly Lynch) that she just needed her to love her made me tear up a little. I could see that she was going to get her heartbroken by her deadbeat dad from a mile away, but it seemed realistic that it would take her awhile to figure things out. I'm glad she and her weird voiced mom who is a terrible actress worked things out! I also like her and Naomi as friends. Naomi has great friend chemistry with most of the girls on this show! (Though not, strangely enough with Adrianna, who was her best friend when the show began.) And speaking of poor Naomi, that final shot with Mr. McRapeyTeacher creeping in her room was pretty scary!


Viewer quotes:

"Okay, I am putting both Teddy AND Liam on my celebrity freebie list, right now." -S
"You would even root for me to make out with Liam?" -Sh. to his wife.
"Oh man, Teddy is losing his boner for Ian right now watching this." -K. watching Ian destroy some Christmas song at Ade's party.
"I don't usually like to root for infidelity but...YES YES YES MAKE-OUT YES YES!!!"-K


Next week: There is no next week! It isn't coming back until January 24! This means I'll be 30 before I get to watch 90210 again! Tragic!
But when it does come back, there will be more Navid and Silver making out, which is awesome!

Yes Glee, no 90210.

Because of a tragic VHS recording mishap, I didn't get to see 90210 last night. Sad face. Maybe it's on demand or something? I don't think it is. Sigh. I did, however, get to see Glee, so at least I can write about that, and please all you Glee-maniacs or Gleeniacs or whatever the kids are saying these days. Glee neither enraged nor thrilled me last night. It just kind of happened in front of me, and some things I liked while other things I did not. So, here goes!

Things I liked:

-Both the sectionals songs that New Directions did were great. I love anything that reminds me of Dirty Dancing, and Tina and Mercedes killed "Dog Days Are Gone"! Good stuff.

-The Hipsters singing "The Living Years" which I always mistake to be my brother Tom's graduation song, even though I am pretty sure it wasn't actually.

-Britanny and Artie! From the magic comb, to the 'adultery misunderstanding' to her telling him she was dancing for him, these two were hilarious and genuinely sweet all night. Maybe these two crazy kids really can make it work!

-Rachel and Finn getting "couples counseling". Jayma Mays was great in this scene! I loved her little "no no no no" to Finn as he was agreeing with Rachel that Santana is "super hot". (Agreed on that one Finn!)

-Also super hot? Puck. Just saying.

-The newest member of New Directions! "I'm not nervous. You know why? Because show choir is stupid."

-Will being non-awful AND yelling at Rachel for being a jerk. Best Will episode in a long long while.

-Rachel speaking and acting like a normal human being in her scene with Kurt. More of that please!

-Kurt having a tough time fitting in with The Warblers. They seem a little cultish to me.

-Emma marrying "the finest dentist who ever lived"!!

-That Tina refers to her boyfriend as "Mike Chang".

-"Asian kiss."

Things I did not like:

-Rachel/Finn/Santana/Puck. Actually, I was fine with it until the whole "Rachel made out with Puck" revelation, because that was dumb.

-No Sue! No one likes that.

-Emma making some kind of weird unsure face like maybe she is still in love with stupid Will. Um, you're married to John Stamos now, just shut up and be happy. Also, Will is gross.

-What was the point of the whole speech to Kurt about The Warblers needing to "fit in and not stand out" when they are basically just a backing group for Darren Criss?! He was standing out a bit, it seemed to me.

-The fact that this episode was just dropped on us without any build up whatsoever. Way to get me excited for Sectionals! I was not at all excited, because the fact that they were going to be competing soon was nothing more than a throwaway line in the last 4 "Kurt Hummel is the most amazing person ever ever ever" eps.

-The fact that The Hipsters were not played by the Young @ Heart Choir. Come on! They need to be on this!

-A tie? I mean I get that this is for dramatic purposes so there is more competing against Kurt, but man, they pretty much just beat one group. Not that impressive really.

-Are these people friends or do they hate each other? Because to be honest, I don't have any desire to cheer on a bunch of awful people who hate each other.

Next week:
Previews are like mind-wipes to me, so I cannot remember! Um, singing is my guess though.

Good job Glee!

So after a mess of an episode last week, Glee came back with an "In your FACE KRISTA!!" episode with coherent story lines and themes! Sort of at least, which is all I am really asking!

So what was good?

-Carol Burnett! She's always good. Also, "I don't think you ever truly appreciated the sacrifices I made to become a famous Nazi hunter."

-The wedding vows! They were very cute and touching (though if I were Finn I would be a little pissed about all the Kurt adulation and then the "oh right, and also, Finn is here too..." by both parents.) and I really like those two actors together.

-No Will! I really like episodes where Will has no storyline SO MUCH BETTER. I mean we did have to look at his creepy "proud" face a lot, but that was pretty much it.

-The episode actually made sense!

-Sue's wedding dress for her wedding to herself was lovely and perfect for her. Her handicapable sister was totally right about that.

-Go Mike Chang! Is it just me or was he totally hot when he was defending Kurt?! I also liked his dance up the aisle.

-Kurt decided to transfer. Here are the reasons I like it 1. Doesn't solve the bullying problem all tidy and in a bow. 2. Brings Kurt together with more potential love interests (everyone loves Darren Criss!). 3. He looks good in those blazers. 4. It stressed Rachel out and I think I hate her. ("So this means you'll be competing against us at regionals?!)

-The songs were good, fit in with the story and hit a lot of really nice emotional beats. Less flash than usual, but I think it worked.

Weirdness:

-Well let's be real here, Sue's entire story was totally weird. Her mother, famous Nazi hunter Carol Burnett, is back in town to attend Sue's wedding to herself? I think the pathos of being abandoned by her mean bully of a mother would have worked better with just one totally odd element. With both, it seemed kind of strange that the show wanted us to genuinely feel for Sue there. I still kinda did though, which I am crediting to Jane Lynch, because she is always great.

-Um, it is really weird to make your wedding toast be ALL ABOUT yourself and your almost stepbrother and some issues the two of you have been having personally. I know everyone on 'Glee' thinks everything is ALL ABOUT THEM, but come on, that was the epitome of self-centeredness masquerading as some kind of brave gesture. The song was cute as hell though, I will admit.

-I might be willing to believe that Burt and Carol just didn't have any friends to ask to be their wedding party, so they just had their kids' friends instead, except for the fact that their wedding was filled with huge, cheering, masses of people. Surely one of them could have been a bridesmaid?


Still bugging me (you knew it had to come!):

-Sam/Quinn promise ring/quest to be popular. That shit was dumb. They are cute together sometimes, but that whole proposal thing was creeptastic, and every time he talks about being the most popular guy in school I just want to hit him or fall asleep.

-St. Kurt. Okay, now don't all pile on here, I love Kurt! But at this point his character is treated (by the characters AND the show) as some kind of perfect human who does no wrong and just teaches people how to be better. We just saw him being a bad friend to Mercedes last week, but even that was swept under the rug in the form of that bullshit "Mercedes is eating her feelings" storyline. I mean at the rate of "Kurt is amazing" eps this show is at, next week the entire glee club will just be mourning his transfer and singing songs about how amazing he is for the entire hour. The fact that he is one of the only truly likeable characters on Glee is a failing of the show, it is not because he is some kind of angel sent from heaven to teach us how to be a man or whatever. I like Kurt. I just liked him more when he was multidimensional.

-Um I love Santana being kind of bitch and awesome, but trying to break up Rachel and Finn so she can sleep with seems unnecessarily mean and desperate. Oh well, I guess it wouldn't be Glee if the writers didn't show contempt for at least one of the characters.

-Not enough Puck! Is there ever enough Puck?! I don't know.

-Sue's not principal anymore! She was actually doing a good job!

-The sound cut out at the end, and I made up my own dialogue. Since I was pretty much right on, I think Glee should just hire me to write on the show, and I will whip them into shape! (Sorry Sarah, I had to.)

Next week: REGIONALS OMG OMG OMG!!! Also, Emma is back, which means some yucky Will time.

GET EXCITED!! I'm writing about Glee!!!

Though if you are a super-huge Glee fan(or Gleek, as is the common parlance), don't get too excited, because I am going to complain about it. But first, because I love you, I will tell you the things I liked about last night's episode!!

1. Gwyneth Paltrow. She was good! I mean I know that this shouldn't be a surprise considering she is an Oscar winning actress and everything, but she has been portrayed as so insufferable and pretentious in the press lately that I was startled at how funny and likeable she was. And her singing voice is pretty good!

2. "Forget You." Despite the fact that it was the clean version and it was missing Cee-Lo's incredible voice, that was a fun number. Good on Gwynnie once again for that!

3. Will was less terrible than usual. I liked his scenes with Holly Holiday a lot.

4. The flashbacks to Will constantly suggesting Journey songs were hilarious.

So there's a few things, mostly Paltrow related, that I thought were working last night. Things I wasn't so sure about include:

1. PLOT. Oh my god Glee writers, one of the main jobs of writers on television shows is to write a clear and cohesive plot each week. And yet, each week, you FAIL at this. FAIL FAIL FAIL. Let's just look at this week, because if we looked at the entire series as a whole either my head would explode or this one item would be novel-length. So just last night's then?
- Ahem, Sue is principal, Sue is bored with being Will's friend, Sue wants to destroy Glee club, wait, no she wants to disband football, wait no, she wants to ban tater tots. Okay let's settle on that then, tater tots. Mercedes is upset that Kurt keeps ditching her, no wait, she is weirdly obsessed with tater tots, no wait, she is using food to replace love AND Kurt to replace a boyfriend (Of course she is because she is a fat girl, and since fat girls can't get boyfriends they just hang out with gay guys and eat. EWW Glee, eww.) oh now she is going to date a hot guy so presumably the fact that Kurt has been a crappy friend to her since he met a guy he likes is totally fine now, and she will no longer be hallucinating about tater tots. Like, how did these even COME UP as ideas in the writer's room? I imagine the Glee writer's room as a group of dudes coming up with a bunch of scenes and then asking a monkey to come up with the thinnest plot possible to connect them, and then they work on the monkey's plot a little to make it less sensible. Then voila! An episode of Glee is created!
"Okay monkey, connect these things: Will and Mike Chang do a Broadway number, Gwyneth Paltrow as Mary Todd Lincoln, Sue's the principal now, Fat girl loves tater tots, all the Glee kids as little children, Vapo-Rub, gay guys love Vogue, GO!!!" WTF?!

2. Characters. Why are they all jerks most of the time? Is this show just telling me that show-people are jerks? Maybe it is. I guess I can believe that.

3. Mashups. Sometimes they can be cool (Grey Album anyone?) but most of the time they just make both songs sound awful. Since your show's value comes mostly from the fun and cool music, stop with the bad mashups!

4. Sue vs. Will. I know I covered plot pretty generally already, but the whole "Sue is trying to destroy glee club" storyline is way more boring than the "Will and Sue as weird frenemies" plotline. For one, the show is called Glee so I'm pretty sure she is not going to succeed in destroying the glee club. Also, "glee in peril" was the arc of the first season, so it is definitely time to move on. I don't know if this episode was bringing it back for good or just this once (ask the monkey!) but hopefully they will just let it die.

5. Not enough Santana, she is really pretty. Really pretty.

6. How could they ever win a contest when they sing different songs every single week?!! I mean I understand it would be lame if they sang the same songs every week...but the whole "lesson plan" idea is dumb.

I searched and searched (okay, I really just Googled it two different ways) to find the Kelly Kapoor quote from last week's office about Glee, because it really encapsulated my feelings about this show. She asked like half of the plot questions that have been driving me insane all season! Since I can't find that, I will just end with this. There is a lot of potential in this show, and I want it to be better, so it drives me extra crazy when it is stupid. And since it is stupid most of the time, that is a lot of crazy. Come on Glee, be better, you've got a good cast, a good concept, and millions of fans who watch this show every week. DO IT BETTER.

I'm back with some more 90210 talk!

These two are adorable.

I'm back! After a one week personal hiatus for which I have no excuse, here I am! So before we get into the new episode here's a quick recap of what happened last week:

-After accidentally taking the wrong baby home from some kind of baby trunk show sale thing and then letting her kid fall off a changing table, Jen (Sara Foster, who I think is prego in real life!) decided she was a terrible mother and abandoned her child, thereby proving she is a terrible mother. (Question, why has no one suggested postpartum depression or worried about Jen at all here? I mean I hate the woman, so that's my excuse, but you would think that her sister or the father of her child might have some concern.)

-Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) and Ivy (Gillian Zinser) teamed up to humiliate Oscar, who I almost just called Oliver. Now Naomi and Ivy are friends.

-Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) stopped acting like a horrible person long enough to make Navid (Michael Steger) and Silver (Jessica Stroup) feel all guilty for their "slow lean in towards a kiss, but not actually a kiss" thing. Who takes that long to kiss someone?!! That was the slowest lean ever.

-After an awesome sting where Silver dressed up like an aspired porn actress, she and Navid found out that his company is a little lax about the whole "over 18 to be in porn thing"/

-Navid freaked out and told his guidance counselor that his father was a child pornographer. (Not exactly how I would have put it, especially if I were 17 year old boy who has actually had sex, but Navid's got a pretty black and white view of the world so it kind of makes sense.)

So those were the major points! On to this week's ep!

-OMG yay Teddy (Trevor Donovan) is back! He is sorry about driving stoned AND totally checking out a gay bar! Yay Teddy! As you can see, I am still loving this storyline. I was thinking that Ian (Kyle Riabko) is being incredibly nice and patient with Teddy considering what a jerk Teddy has been to him, but then I looked at Teddy and realized of course he is, Teddy is crazy hot.

-Annie (Shenae Grimes) had some scenes with Charlie and his college roommates and ex-girlfriend that were so boring I contemplated beginning a campaign to have all college students punched in the face. Because seriously, if this is how college kids talk nowadays, they deserve it.

Weird face alert!

-Then Naomi told Annie she had to have sex with Charlie to "lock him down" which led to Annie coming out of his bathroom in her underwear in front of all his roommates. So that was awesome.

-Then Charlie TOTALLY lied to her about how he got his scars, because Liam has the EXACT same scars yet was not mentioned in his "abusive uncle" story. A theory on this? Charlie killed the abusive uncle and blamed it on Liam. (That was Sarah's theory, not mine, but I like it!)

-Ryan (Ryan Eggold) and Deb (Lori Loughlin) had some awkward sex. (That guy really likes the older ladies!) And then he forgot his baby at her house. Just for a second, but seriously, this poor child. Mistaken for another child, abandoned by his mother and then forgotten by his father in the span of like 3 weeks! That is rough. Jack is gonna be SO troubled on 90210-The Third Generation.

-Navid's dad is now being investigated by the police because of Navid's slip about "child porn" to the guidance counselor last week. Since he is guilty, he decided to just run away. TO IRAN. Because if there is one thing they love in Iran, it's pornographers! I mean come on Mr. Shirazi, this is America and you are clearly incredibly rich, so I think you could probably buy your way out of jail or at least get a pretty lenient sentence. No? Not a good plan? Well okay then, off you go, to Iran, otherwise known as 'the land of freedom'. Don't worry about your wife and children, I'm sure they'll be fine.

-Adrianna was a total insensitive jerk. That could basically be the line for her in every episode. Also, she totally has the #1 single in the country or something.

-At the end, Navid went to Silver, because he needs someone to talk to. Not just someone, her. SWOON.


Best 90210-watcher quotes of the night:

Re: Teddy.
"I still just want to make out with him. He looks like he'd be a good....kisser." -S

"Of course Teddy has no problem getting served at the gay bar, because he looks 35."- K. "That's because he IS 35!"-S.

"There's been awkward no-sex, awkward actual sex and now..."-K. "I want awkward gay sex!"-Sh.

Next week:
WHY CAN I NEVER REMEMBER THE PREVIEWS?! It's because they are awful.

90210 was almost too good to make fun of! (Almost)

See what I'm talking about here?!

Okay, so only two of my predictions from last week came true 1. Dixon (Tristan Wilds) and Ivy (Gillian Zinser) got back together (for like a minute) and 2. Teddy (Trevor Donovan) was back looking all hot and stuff. Super hot! I'm usually not that into Teddy, but his outfit was so freakin' adorable last night I couldn't stand it. I found it unrealistic that Ian (Kyle Riabko) made it through his hosting gig without professing his love for Teddy, and that Silver (Jessica Stroup) didn't want to get back together with him. I really love pea coats and vertical stripes, what can I say?


So what was good? Lots.

-First of all, my dream came true, and we had an episode featuring Teddy, Ian and Navid (Micheal Steger) and NOT featuring Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes)or Jen (Sara Foster). Perfect.

-Navid is adorable. It makes me sad that we had evidence of how great his parents are RIGHT BEFORE he realizes his dad might have used an underage actress in his porn movie. I think it is interesting that they aren't just using his dad's profession as a total joke like they did the first couple of seasons.

-Um, Navid and Silver are totally going to fall in love. I can't believe I have never seen this before, but they are actually the perfect couple! Both smart, ambitious, a little nerdy and they are actually good people! So, SUCK IT ADRIANNA. (On a side note, it is crazy to me how easily I switch couple alliances on this show. Usually I root for couple even years after they have broken up. I don't know if this speaks to the fact that this show really makes the breakups realistic, or just that they are in high school and they shouldn't be together forever anyway, or I am old and jaded and I just don't care anymore. Um, I'm gonna go with YAY 90210 on this one.)

-Teddy is still angrily (and interestingly!) struggling with his sexuality, and Ian is still bringing it up EVERY TIME he sees him. Stop apologizing for making him uncomfortable dude! That is what is making him uncomfortable! (I still really like these two, can't wait til they move past this awkward phase!)

-I think the whole Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) pressing charges against Cannon (Hal Ozsan) storyline was done really well. I loved the exchange in the police station about "fair fights" I liked her and Oscar working together to find out the truth about him, and even though the whole Cannon fleeing the country thing is a little silly, I liked how they portrayed Naomi as really needing this closure, and not at all agreeing with Annie (Shenae Grimes) that "it's over now." This is a really tough subject to handle on a fairly light show, and I think for what it is, they've done a pretty good job.

-Well if he can't be drunk and funny, at least they are letting Mr. Matthews (Ryan Eggold) be likeable and smart. So that's something.

-So I like Oscar now. This just in.

-Also, I loved loved loved that the key to catching Cannon was the fact that he got all insane when Oscar (Blair Redford) suggested he had a Cockney accent, and that Oscar was thinking about his fake accent SO MUCH he brought it up to Naomi for no real reason! British snobbery saves the day once again!!

-No Jen or Deb! (I know I liked them last week, but I did not miss them At. All.)

-"The Undies" thing was sort of funny. Way funnier than the stupid human auction thing.

Bummer things:

-Dixon and Ivy broke up again. Again. Will they ever just have sex?!!

-Harper's voice is so annoying. Her dad is played by a super nice dad from a show from my childhood that I cannot remember right now, but even so, I didn't like seeing him be a jerk.

-Seriously where is this Liam storyline headed? Now he's a drug mule? Or going to have to beat those dudes up? Will he need Annie's help or something? I'm not seeing it.

-Liam seems as about annoyed with his storyline right now as I am.

-I hate the girl who plays Laura, the purse cocaine girl. I mean Liam is hot and everything, but her shamelessness is consistently gross and not funny. They have a tough time with funny on this show. At least when they are purposely trying to be humorous.

-Ivy needs to get her attitude back! Stop the moping!

-The woman who plays the cop is still a terrible actress.

Next week:
Did you forget for a second that Adrianna is a terrible terrible person? Well, next week, you will remember! Dear lord, if 90210 was actually the show that the CW's promo department makes it look like, I couldn't even watch it as a joke.

90210 has performed a miracle!

And what are the miracles I am talking about here? There were a few surprises in this week's episode of 90210, but I will admit, really only one miracle. Okay here goes. This is tough for me to believe, but here it is: I didn't hate Jen. I kind of even liked her. I mean Sara Foster is still just awful, (see Nathan Rabin of the AV Club's review of The Big Bounce for an incredibly satisfying takedown of her skills as an actress) but Jen's anger after finding out that Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) had been raped made her sympathetic while still being in character. I have been wondering how they were going to humanize the monster and figured that giving her a baby was supposed to do it, so I'm glad she found out and was able to let her sisterly instincts shine through. Also, if Deb (Lori Loughlin) continues to put her in her place with a smile, ("Jen, don't be a bitch. Follow me girls!") she might become one of my favorite characters on the show! So there it is. I liked both Jen and Deb in this week's episode. If that is not a miracle, then I don't know what one is. (Note: It is entirely possible that I don't know what one is.)

Other pleasant surprises in the ep?

-Maybe Jen is gonna take down Mr. McRapey?!! That has the makings of awesomeness.

-Ryan (Ryan Eggold) didn't even hesitate to risk his job for Naomi and the rest of the girls at West Bev's safety. I was afraid he was going to have some kind of moral dilemma that we were supposed to sympathize with, which would have been ridiculous, because it is incredibly clear what the right thing to do there would be.

-Dixon (Tristan Wilds) actually just told Ivy (Gillian Zinser) the truth! A little late maybe, but it was still refreshing to see him just spill his guts totally.

-Oscar finally went through with his plan to destroy Laurel! This story has just been plugging along in the background for me, and in a weird way, I kind of found myself sympathizing with Oscar. I mean this woman helped destroy his family and began a chain of events that would eventually lead to his mother's death, not to mention the fact that she was sleeping with him, a kid she had known since he was a child, AFTER having already slept with his father. That is some gross stuff Laurel. Seriously. So I was kind of rooting for him. I do feel bad that poor Ivy was caught up in the whole thing though. She did not take it well, let me say that. Hopefully this will lead her to forgiving Dixon, and then they can finally sleep together and she can the best night of her life!

Things I did not like:

-Despite some arresting visuals, the Liam (Matt Lanter) story is not working for me,
I don't really get where he is coming from re: Annie, and the whole "living the pool house of a crazy girl who likes him obsessively" thing just isn't as funny to me as it is to the writers of this show. I am not even remotely interested in these two having wacky hijinks.

-Adrianna Jessica Lowndes). Ugh ugh ugh. Ugh. When Navid (Michael Steger) told her "You're not a bad person." I was yelling "Yes she is! She really really is!" at the screen. Then, just a few scenes later, she proves it by deciding to stick with Uncle Creepy. I am really disappointed that they have taken a character with a lot of layers (addiction, pregnancy, troubled relationship with mom, acting ambition vs. wanting to just be a kid, etc.) and reduced her to an idiot whose only personality trait is a desire for fame. Yuck.

-No Teddy (Trevor Donovan) and Ian! I want my Teddy and Ian!!! Just give me an episode that features Teddy and Navid and I will be a happy camper. I am always missing one of them.

Assorted weirdness:

-The Annie (Shenae Grimes) and Charlie story. I never before got a feeling that maybe Charlie was a psycho, and I am not even sure if we are supposed to think that is a possibility or if we are just supposed to think that Annie is insane and paranoid. Given those two choices, I will always assume that the girl making seizure faces is crazy. Charlie and Liam having matching scars did intrigue me though.

-Are there really stores where muscular men help you whilst not wearing a shirt? This seems creepy to me. All I could think about was the fact that they could be sweating on the merchandise or something.

-Jack vs. Jacques = who cares?

Next week: Damn it! I cannot remember the preview at all. Here are some assumptions: Dixon and Ivy get back together, Jen does something awful to Mr. Cannon, Silver and Navid get to use their judgeyness for good instead of annoyingness by totally judging Adrianna, and Teddy is back, looking all hot and stuff. Let's see what pans out!!

90210- Better Late than Never?

Oh they are going to make the cutest couple!

Well I'm a little late here, but here I am, ready to talk about "Catch Me if You Cannon", which involved no actual catching of Mr. Cannon, but some catching of Ian. So there was catching. I gotta tell you, whoever names these episodes does a terrible job.

Even though the setup was beyond cliche, I am still liking Teddy (Trevor Donovan) and Ian's (Kyle Riabko) scenes together. Though at this point if Ian ever wants to date Teddy he might end up in an abusive relationship. Teddy was so aggressive with him that I really wasn't sure if he was going to catch him when he was falling off the roof! I guess the aggression makes sense because Teddy is definitely struggling with his sexuality. I like that the show seems to be taking the slow burn approach with this, because it makes it a bit more realistic. I am really liking the Ian character too! The show is definitely not shying away from any aspect of this story, including Teddy's 'performance problems' with the ladies...I wonder if Silver ever experienced that?

And speaking of Silver...well Silver's plan to catch Mr. Cannon (or as you may know him "Mr. Rapes-a-lot") was as stupid and ill-conceived as I thought it would be. Also, dangerous! Oh Silver. The one thing I loved about this entire storyline was that they put Silver (Jessica Stroup) in like 8-inch heels for that last scene where she is trying to intimidate him. She was towering over him! That's probably why he looked nervous, because I don't really know why he would be shaking in his boots over Silver's next 'great plan'. I would love to see him get his comeuppance though, so prove me wrong Silver and Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord)! (I won't even mention Adrianna's contributions to this 'plan', mostly because they consisted of her standing around and mumbling. They are really killing this character for me this season. And where was Navid?!!)

I chose this one because Jen looks stupid in it.

Jen (Sara Foster) and Ryan (Ryan Eggold) had their baby. I think it looked like Ryan somehow, even though it was a little baby that just kind of looked like a baby. Other people thought I was insane, but I really thought the kid looked like him. The baby was cute, Jen was awful, and I can't wait until she dies and Ryan has to raise little Jack/Jacques on his own or something. That sounds like it has the makings for adorableness! Paging 90210 writers! Make this happen!

Hmm what else happened on this episode? Kind of a lot actually!

-Dixon (Tristan Wilds) does not have HIV (big surprise there.), but he did dump Ivy (Gillian Zinser) because he thought he did (this was one of those JUST TELL PEOPLE THE TRUTH moments) and then she banged Oscar, who is just sleeping with her to somehow ruin her mother's life. I assume he is going to ruin her mother's life by grossing her out to death, because at this point the mom has slept with him and his dad and Oscar has slept with both Ivy and her mom. That is yucky.

-Annie got back together with Charlie (even though he is still has some kind of secret regarding screwing Liam over) and decided not to donate her eggs. Because she held the spawn of the devil and Ryan.

-Why did Annie hold Jack/Jacques you might ask? Because Deb now works for Jen as some kind of assistant/Nanny person. Therefore integrating Jen and Ryan with th rest of the cast, because let's be honest, I haven't seen Mr. Matthews in school much lately.

-Liam (Matt Lanter) is living in his car. His brother offered him a hotel room to live in (I was like YES!!! Just like Dylan McKay!!!) but he just trashed it instead so as to really let his brother know that he hates him. What a badass. He's still mad at Annie for reasons I do not understand, so she's getting back with the brother. Probably a good plan, Annie, except for his evil secret or whatever. Eh, I'd chance it.


Next week:
All I really remember from the preview is a lot of shots of Liam without his shirt on, so I am assuming it's gonna be a good episode.

90210- The good, the bad, THE CRAZY

The Good:

-The whole Liam (Matt Lanter) trying to seduce Annie (Shenae Grimes) storyline. It was fun, it brought me back to a Dylan/Brenda type thing and it had some shirtless Liam. A lot of win going on there. Also, Shenae Grimes had a good episode where she didn't annoy the crap out of me and acted kind of normal and cute.

-Silver (Jessica Stroup) going all mama-bear and wanting to protect Naomi (Annalynn McCord)! Even though I am sure this will lead so some kind of ill thought out and dangerous plan, still, I like it. And, let's be real, her hair looks better now that it's growing out. (I didn't think it was that bad short though...)

-Silver dumping Teddy (Trevor Donovan) for being a 'homophobic jerk'! Yes! Good for her! Lots of teenage girls would try to make excuses for him, but she was like "NEXT!" (She is definitely in for a surprise on that front though...)

-Teddy and Ian's (Kyle Riabko) palpable sexual chemistry! I think Trevor Donovan is doing a pretty admirable job of portraying someone confused and afraid of his own feelings. When I heard about this storyline I felt like it was kind of out of the blue, but I think with good performances from both guys AND the great chemistry between them, it's actually really working.

-Ivy (Gillian Zinser) decided she wants to sleep with Dixon (Tristan Wilds)! Cause she lurves him! So cute. And, judging by the way his former ladyfriends have acted, get ready for the best night of your life Ivy!!! Oh, wait, maybe not...

-Deb didn't totally annoy or bore me, so I'm putting her in the good column. Remember this at Emmy time Lori Loughlin!

The Bad:

-The entire Adrianna storyline, including Jessica Lowndes' horrendous acting. She did a lot of good work in the first couple of seasons, but she has been just awful this season!

-Lack of Navid! Come on, now Navid is just a nerd joke punchline or a concerned boyfriend? I demand MORE NAVID!

-If people on TV would just tell other people the truth, like once in awhile, there lives would be so much easier! I'm looking at you, Adrianna Tate-Duncan!

-The entire concept of charity bachelor auction of high school boys is, in a word, BAD. Also, the dance routine made me feel embarrassed.

-Liam being super mad at Annie for dating his estranged half brother. Because she clearly did not know.

THE CRAZY-

-Um, showing up at a charity bachelor auction of high school boys to tell your ex (who is a kid and you are an adult, just btw) who hates you with a passion because of a faked pregnancy, that you are HIV POSITIVE. I mean she BID ON HIM! That is totally crazytown. Sasha, you have not changed a bit.

-Sasha's reveal that Dixon might be HIV positive made me gasp! Whoa!!!

-Javier's uncle is really crappy at blackmailing. You can't just keep pushing and pushing when you are blackmailing someone! You gotta make them feel comfortable for awhile like things are gonna be okay and then BAM you hit them with your next demand. Doing it all at once is recipe for, at best, the truth to come out, and at worst, for you to get murdered. Hey, Uncle Creepy, why don't you watch a few episodes of Law & Order and get back to me. Your blackmailing methods are kind of insane.

-Annie's gonna donate her eggs! There's gonna be a little baby Annie running around! I can't wait to see the crazy baby faces he or she makes!

Next week: The previews showed me something dumb and almost totally unrelated to any of the stories I cared about this week. Oh, right. Deb is gonna work for Jen. Wow! My two least favorite characters together at last! A real dream come true here.

90210- A hook up, some making up, an OD, and Silver finally gets it.

Oh where to begin?! I'm gonna start with Silver Jessica Stroup), mostly because her picture is right there. (Thanks for having a whole two decent pictures from this episode up, cwtv.com) Silver spent the first half of the episode being a stone cold bitch to everyone, (pretty much just Naomi and Teddy, but you get me) except the obviously creepy Mr. Cannon. Thank goodness that annoying girl forced her to edit those stupid "where will I be in 10 years" (um, playing a teenager on 90210?) videos, because without them not only would she have continued being mean to Teddy, she would have totally gotten raped. Sometimes, being incredibly annoying is helpful!

So Silver narrowly escaped the grossness that is, Mr. Cannon; Raping Teacher. Thank goodness that tea was too hot! I found the whole "Mr. Cannon is gonna roofie Silver" scene so weird, because he was acting strangely nervous about the whole thing, instead of being the vicious predator he was with Naomi. I was like "Are we supposed to feel bad for him here because he is getting so flustered? What is going on? Maybe this was his first time using roofies?"

So after getting stalked, invited to a teacher's house and almost roofied, finally, Silver gets it, and runs straight to Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord), who has accidentally overdosed on some sleeping pills and wine. Ugh. It grosses me out to no end that Silver just didn't believe Naomi even though she was so clearly a mess. Also, where has Annie been in this whole story? Doesn't she know a thing or two about not being believed? Anyway, instead of just calling 911 like a normal person, Silver keeps shaking Naomi and trying to talk to her. This chick is just full of the smart moves lately.

Oh, and she text-forgave Teddy (Trevor Donovan), which I am sure the dude was giddy about.

EXCEPT- it turns out that Teddy hooked up with a guy in the five seconds that they weren't together!!! BOOYEAH! Ladies, if your boyfriend spends a night in a fancy hotel with a guy after you have been broken up for less than 24 hours...he's gay. So there it is. It looks like the whole Teddy/Silver thing is about to get interesting! Thanks to 90210 and Jessica Stroup for making Silver really annoying to me so that I don't care if she and Teddy break up. Also, the dude he hooked up with was cute!

Hmm, in Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) news, her boyfriend was M.I.A. (seriously, IS Navid on this show anymore?), she is an awful person who stole a dead man's song and then became a Youtube sensation. But, GIRL BUSTED. Javier's uncle has a demo him singing the song six months ago! I can't believe it turns out that her brilliant plant to steal his songbook isn't going to work! I assume that Javier's uncle is gonna use this information to blackmail her, despite the fact that he swore that he would do anything to preserve "this kid's legacy" or something. (Side note, when I die, I really want a big-ass picture of me like Javier had at the front of the room during the memorial. Take note friends and family: BIG ASS PICTURE O' ME. What's good enough for Javier is good enough for Krista. )

On the Annie tip, Shanae Grimes needs to go back to acting class, because the weird faces were in full effect! Granted, she had to react to some strange conversations, but still. Tone down the face honey. It turns out that Hallie Lowenthal and Jack from Days of Our Lives (Where is Jennifer?!!) want her to sell them her eggs so they can have a baby. They point out that Annie kind of looks like Hallie Lowenthal (which I never would have noticed, but it's kinda true) and has a great smile or something. This "find an intern that kind of looks like one of us to sell us her eggs" is the strangest scheme ever. But somehow I totally called this, I think because of the 'responsible" thing in the first episode. However, I legitimately do no know if she's gonna go for it. So good on you 90210, nice suspense.

Um what else? Dixon (Tristan Wilds) and Ivy (Gillian Zinser) got back together, and Dixon didn't even have to grovel because it turned out Ivy lied to him about how she's a virgin. It also turns out that Ivy has major daddy issues. And another thing, Oscar (that's the British guy) is out to destroy Ivy's mom (Kelly Lynch) for ruining his father's life! His machinations make a lot more sense now that I know this. So, daddy issues for everyone then!

No Deb (yay!), no Jen (super yay!) no Ryan (boo!) no Navid (super boo!).


Next week: SPOILER ALERT, looks like Naomi's gonna be okay, because usually, after a traumatic event you don't hold a MAN AUCTION!!

90210-Finally, someone told Jen to "Suck it!"

I am really starting to love Naomi. As is she, obviously.

I have to say, the beginning of the show where Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) got her money back and Jen (Sara Foster) got denied was definitely the best part. It kind of went downhill from there for me. I think it is because every story line went exactly where I expected it to go (yet everyone acts completely inexplicably), with the exception of the whole Annie (Shenae Grimes)/Liam (Matt Lanter) thing. (Come on, no one expected that!!) Here's a breakdown!


The Good:

-Naomi told Jen to "suck it"! That was the best thing that happened! By far!

-The entire Naomi story is going well so far for me. She was pretty much the only character focused on tonight whose actions made any sense whatsoever. Even her lies seem like typical teenage screwups, especially considering what she has been through. And I completely understand why she wanted to run down the creepy rapist teacher.

-No Deb!

-The writers remembered that Liam was all rebellious and stuff!

-Naomi's 18th birthday party makes the tiara I wore at mine look decidedly tame.

The Bad:

-Jen is still on the show.

-Ryan Matthews' hair. And lack of drunk person beard.

-Ugh the fact that Ryan (Ryan Eggold) is moving in with Jen and she has to be on bedrest and she is so so alone and so sad and can't force anyone else to take care of her. I do not want to see Jen redeemed by pregnancy, motherhood, love or any combination thereof.

-Annie and Liam schmoopy talk. I thought I was okay with them being together, but then I saw it, and it was gross.

- The fact that everyone on this show with an accent is evil.

-The fact that I caught myself wondering "Is Navid (Michael Steger) even on this show anymore?"

-Seriously Ivy (Gillian Zinser), that was the tamest body shot ever. I cannot even understand why you would be pissed off at Dixon about such a thing.

-Silver's dress, Ivy's dress (or whatever it was) and to a lesser a extent, Naomi's dress.

The Inexplicable:

-Um, I guess Teddy's (Trevor Donovan) a drunk now? Or something? (THAT'S why his mouth tasted bad!)

-The fact that British dude is sleeping with Ivy's mom (Kelly Lynch), and somehow has concocted a plan to sleep with Ivy, as a means to keep sleeping with her mom? I don't get it. Women don't like it when you sleep with their daughters. This guy as a lot to learn about seduction.

The British dude is looking more than a little lurky here.

-Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) continues her downward spiral towards becoming a total sociopath. Remember when I used to like her?!

-Adrien Grenier is the drummer in a band? Okay. Good for him!

-Okay, let's talk about West Beverly High's "Senior Advisor" program. Why does it necessitate so much alone time between rapey teachers and students? I know that Harry: Amazing Principal, Terrible Husband is gone, but there has to be someone in the administration who can fix this!

-Annie meets a dude, decides to date Liam, dumps Liam and then calls the first dude all in like 2 days? Said dude is actually Liam's brother? Does he know Annie dated Liam for five seconds? Is Liam going to totally freak out when he sees them together? (The answer to that last question is a big fat YES.) This whole storyline is weird. At least I don't have to see Annie kiss Liam anymore.

- At this point, Dixon (Tristan Williams) has become the most likable character on the show.

-Silver completely disbelieving Naomi when admitted that Mr. McRapeypants, Journalism Teacher, raped her. Considering the character of Silver is supposed to be some big feminist, it doesn't sit with me that she would just dismiss that accusation out of hand the way she did, even considering Naomi's previous actions.

Silver's dress is incredibly ugly, as is her attitude!

-Also, why is Silver fawning all over Mr. McRapeypants, Journalism Teacher anyway? He is clearly weird, and being totally inappropriate with her.



Next week: Adrianna's transformation into a super terrible person will be complete!

90210 is back! And it's crazy!

Wow. Let no one say that 90210 didn't come back with a bang. I mean, I don't think anyone actually banged, but you know what I mean. That episode was intense!

First things first though. 90210 has tragically moved to Mondays. This is tragic because I watch it with my friends on Tuesdays, and do something else on Monday nights, so now you have to wait until Tuesday night for my posts and I have to spend the day running away from people who try to talk about 90210 to me. SPOILER ALERT people! I think we will all make it through this difficult time though, so not to worry.

On to this crazy episode! I'm gonna go by character, because so much happened in this ep, I don't even know how else to unpack it! I mean, there was an earthquake and everything!

I like Annie (Shenae Grimes) so much more now that she has learned to tone down her face.

Annie (Shenae Grimes)- Well either Shenae Grimes reads my blog or she spent the summer taking acting lessons, because her crazy face-making is down at least 80%. So good for her! Because of this, I hated her slightly less than usual, which is a pretty big achievement when you consider the fact that the only consequences she faced for drunkenly killing a guy were some offscreen house arrest and some hugs from her mom or something. I actually yelled "That's it?!" to my friend Sarah, even though her two kids were sleeping mere feet away from me and I should not have been so loud! But my rage got the better of me.

Anyway, I was actually halfway moved in the scene with scheming theater owner or whatever she is, where she talked about how killing that dude was a part of her and she was forever changed by it. It must be acting classes.

By the way, the scheming theater lady is played by the woman who played the hated Hallie Lowenthal on My So-Called Life, so I will have no problem hating her when her evil plan unfolds. (What nefarious thing does she want to do with Annie that requires her to be beautiful, responsible AND desperate? I cannot even venture a guess. How does 'responsible' ever work into a scheme!?)

So, the takeaway here is, I hate Annie less. Also, I have to admit that kiss with Liam was kind of hot. (Um, I would date the HELL out of that guy if I were her. Friends schmiends Annie!)

Phew, I had a lot to say about Annie's storyline, even though it wasn't even close to the craziest. Most insane story? It's a toughie, but I'm gonna give it to...Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes). Um, apparently over the summer Adrianna became a terrible terrible person. Thanks for taking all the joy out of the long awaited Ade/Navid reunion 90210! I mean when you find yourself asking about your career hours after watching your ex-boyfriend die in front of your eyes, it's time to reevaluate your priorities. "Oh man Laurel, sorry about someone you have known for like 10 years dying tragically, but the real question is, when am I getting back into the studio?!" I don't care how jerky he was being right before he died, that does not excuse stealing his songs and trying to record them as your own! I did enjoy it when Navid (Michael Steger) told her he had always been "lukewarm" on her songwriting. Nice accidental burn Navid!

Teddy/Silver- Everything about that storyline seemed kind of weird and rushed to me, but I do dig the Mia Farrow thing Silver(Jessica Stroup) has going on this season. Also I have been too spoiled about future developments with them to talk about it too much now! (Feel free to ask me about it in the comments or something! Or when you see me.) Poor Teddy (Trevor Donovan) and his torn ACL. Now instead of being a professional tennis star he'll just have to be the rich son of a famous actor. What will he do now? Go to college?! Oh how will he go on?!

But it cannot be said that Teddy's not a good guy, because he did try to stop Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) from gangbanging some kids from school. She'll thank you for that some day pal, I promise. There are things that I like about this Naomi rape story, including, to be honest, the idea of having villain that is not one of the main cast and is truly beyond redemption, even if I think he might be a cartoonish in his awfulness. Unfortunately, I am not so sure that Annalynn McCord is a strong enough actress to carry this story. (Though they really did her a favor in rape reporting scene but casting one of the most wooden actresses ever. Was that a real cop or something?) I also don't like that they have her resorting to classic "slutty" behavior, especially since that is exactly what Annie did after she killed a dude. (Sext anyone?!) Hey 90210 writers, all women don't deal with trauma by becoming sex maniacs! I'm interested to see where this goes though, so I'm withholding judgment.

Since this the only couple I like left to root for, THEY BETTER NOT BREAK UP.

Ivy/Dixon/Austin Powers- There are so many reasons that I don't understand why Ivy would be fantasizing about that douchey British guy. Here are just a few:

1. His stupid ponytail

2. His accent isn't even hot.

3. He seems very inconsiderate.

4. Dixon is rocking a hot "young Michael Jackson" thing this season.

5. Dixon is obviously a tiger in the sack, considering Silver got his name tattooed on her hip after their first time and an ADULT WOMAN faked a pregnancy so she could keep sleeping with him.

6. They love each other! So step off Ponytail!

Deb(Lori Loughlin)- Big fat WHO CARES. For real. No one does.

Liam (Matt Lanter) Got kicked out of his house, wants Annie for some reason, is still hot. Here's a picture:

Ryan Matthews (Ryan Eggold)- I miss his drunk person beard.

The Kardashians- They suck at acting, Khloe's outfit was super unflattering, and I think in real life they would give their friend a dress, because they seem nice. Not that I watch shows with them in it or anything like that. I'm just saying.

Next week: I feel like the previews were kind of cryptic...Silver has Naomi's rapist as a senior advisor (which is an incredibly important thing at West Bev apparently), Teddy's mouth tastes bad? I don't know. Hopefully Jen (Sara Foster) won't be back, because I was annoyed just see her in the previouslies.

"I Never Thought About Love, When I Thought About Home" Mad Men: Season 4, This Season So Far.

So far, this season of Mad Men has not been engaging me the way the first few seasons did. I was so exhilarated to see Don and Co. strike out on their own at the end of "Shut the Door, Have a Seat" I didn't fully consider the implications of such a move. The "successful at work/disaster at home" formula worked for me, and I have been have a hard time adjusting to the "shaky at work/unmitigated and total disaster in every other walk of life" identity that Don has taken on this season. Even though Don Draper is a right bastard, I don't really like seeing him get what's coming to him. Watching him pathetically unable to woo women who would have been throwing themselves at him a year before, seeing him forced to say goodbye to the one person who can actually say "I know everything about you, and I still love you.", seeing his children miserable without him (and with the ever more monstrous Betty) is just getting too relentlessly grim for me. Even the moments in the show that cause you to laugh or smile do it wistfully, with nothing like the triumph that came when Don Draper would get a one-up on someone in seasons past.


Don't get me wrong, the acting is still wonderful, and Jon Hamm still amazes me with how he is able to shift from being Don Draper to Dick Whitman in subtle, barely perceptible ways. (Get this man an Emmy!) The show is still miles better than anything on television right now. But there is something of letdown in the fact that even though it seemed that many characters were getting the change they wanted and so needed at the end of last season, they are still just stuck. Stuck married to idiot man-children, stuck being idiot man-children, stuck making a choice between career girl and happy homemaker, stuck between something new and something old. But more than the that, the grimness comes from a sense that each of these people is just so alone. Don, Joan, Peggy, Betty, these are all incredible dynamic people afraid to show their true selves to anyone, afraid to give love, to be loved, to actually connect with someone else. It brings a darkness to the show that is making it hard for me to connect with them this season.


So my hope for the rest of the season? Don gets a little swagger back, Joan gets a little spine back (at home), Peggy realizes she can have a different life than her mother and still be happy....and Betty? Well, it's hard to imagine a happy ending for her, even with my relentless optimism. Um, Betty keeps ignoring Bobby and therefore does not totally destroy him the way she will her daughter? That's kinda happy. I'll take it. (Also, more Roger. NEED MORE ROGER)

Lost, Series Finale. So much crying.

So, Lost ended, and I sobbed. I, for one, found the series finale to be pretty satisfying. I don't think any television show could actually hold up to the kind of scrutiny Lost fans will be putting the finale, though I can certainly see that it all doesn't fit together quite perfectly. But saying that, there was mostly greatness going on last night, especially with the character beats/emotional moments. We'll get to that in a minute, but FIRST, let's talk about what mysteries the show actually solved for us and where it left us hanging. (I think that the big stuff has pretty much been revealed, but leave your biggest Lost questions in the comments if you disagree!)

What is answered:

What is the Island anyway?
This one, in my opinion was made fairly clear in the show and stated explicitly in these leaked pages from the script. It's a cork keeping the world out of hell. So it's pretty damn important.

What was up with the Dharma Initiative?
It totally baffles me that people still ask this question. They were a research group studying the Islands unique properties. They were sort of weird, but mostly in a human, explainable way.

Why can't ladies have babies on the Island?
Because of "The Incident", whether that incident was the electromagnetic even caused by Dharma's drilling or the hydrogen bomb set off by Juliet. Ethan was the last child born on the island, not long before this.

What was up with The Others? Why did they do such weird and awful things?
Hmm a group of the faithful doing awful things in the name of a peaceful dude? Weird, that never happens.

Why does Jacob bring people to the island?
Because the Smoke Monster wants to kill him, and he needs to find someone to replace him.

Why them?
Their lives sucked. They were, well, lost.

What happens when the Smoke Monster leaves the island?
I think he needs the light to be out to leave the island, so pretty much, the world gets sucked into hell.

Questions where they left us hanging:

A lot of the purgatory world.
I think there a lot of weird things going on over there in purgatory world (Why did Jack have a son? With Juliet? Since when did Christian Shepard get so great that he leads people into heaven? Where did Faraday, Miles, et all end up?) but I think most of it is kind of purposely left open for interpretation. I get why that annoys some people, but it doesn't annoy me. (Jack had a son to work out his daddy issues, Christian spent time in the purgatory world redeeming himself, Faraday passed through with his family, etc.) and as a subset to this:

What was the deal with the shot of the Island being sunk in the beginning of this season?
Maybe there's no hell in purgatory world so no need for the island? But we know Ben and his dad at least remember the island existing in that world so...is that a false memory? Are they only living the time loop from 815 landing to going to heaven, and the rest is just fake memories? Or did they actually live these lifetimes in this world getting ready to move on? And if the second one is true, what happened to the island?


Waaaaaaalt!
Okay, it was a mistake. Casting a kid on the cusp of puberty to play someone the same age for years on end was a mistake. I get why people want to know about Walt, but I guess I am cool with it because he isn't the only character on the show to have unexplained magical powers. Hurley can see and talk to dead people. Miles can hear the thoughts of corpses. Jacob can make people immortal. We never saw the origin of any of those powers, and I am satisfied to say that Walt had some supernatural abilities, and he was trying to use them help his friends on the island.

"Raised by another"
Aaron seemed fine being raised by Kate. Maybe Claire's mom just paid that psychic to convince her not to give up her baby for adoption or something.

The numbers.
How did the lighthouse numbers end up in so many places? How did the Dharma people get them? I guess they didn't mean anything more than the degrees on the mirror in the lighthouse. We did win at Keno playing them on Saturday night though, so I think they must mean something.

What's the deal with the four toed statue? Who built it?
Jacob maybe? I don't even really have a theory for this one.

Time travel?
Narrative-wise I think the time travel story was enormously successful. It explained a lot about Dharma, Widmore, Ben's origins and gave us Sawyer/Juliet. I still don't really get why the Island time traveled though. Or why it stopped. The time travel thing seemed so important in Season 5, and even though I think it delivered in a lot of ways, it seemed not to mean much this season.

Did the hydrogen bomb make the purgatory world thing?
And if so...huh?

Libby.
Some people really want to know more about Libby, why she was in the mental institution with Hurley and why did she give Desmond the boat. I am not one of those people.

What happened to everybody not dead?! (before they were dead)
Did Desmond get home? Did Kate, Sawyer, Claire, Miles, Lapidus and Richard make it?! Did Kate and Claire raise Aaron together? Did Desmond and Penny get another awesome reunion that I was deprived of? What did Hurley and Ben do on the Island after everyone left? How long were they on there for? Is Ji-Yeon still super cute? I of course know they did this on purpose, but still, I want to know.

So there are questions unanswered, plot holes that can only be filled with crazy theories and narrative threads dropped. I admit that. But I still think that finale was pretty much amazing. The character stuff just worked for me totally, and I am a huge sap so I cried a lot. The reunions and flashbacks were pretty much uniformly amazing. The best ones?

Sawyer and Juliet- This is pretty much what I have been waiting for all season. I know some people don't watch this show for love stories and character studies, but those people need to stop being such robots and have a heart. The Juliet/Sawyer love story in Season 5 was one of the best and most surprising storylines, and it was so amazing to see them together again. Had I been alone, when he said "It's me baby, I'm here." I probably would have made the most terrible sobbing noise. Josh Holloway and and Elizabeth Mitchell sold it. Even the doubters knew at that point, Juliet and Sawyer belonged together.

Jack and Locke- To see John Locke again! The real John Locke, whole, with all his memories. That kind, gentle smile he gave Jack from the hospital bed made me so happy. I think that the purgatory/heaven angle of the story was most satisfying for me because of Locke. I needed to see him find out that he was right all along, and that he was special. Terry O'Quinn is an amazing actor, and if some network doesn't pick up his buddy cop show with Michael Emerson, I'm gonna take out a loan and film in my parent's backyard or something.

Charlie and Claire-This is where the full on crying started. They have been apart for so long, and Charlie dying to try and rescue them was so sad. I was just really happy to see them together again. And the way Charlie looked at Aaron...with such love. I am choking up right now! Right now!

Other moments that destroyed me emotionally:

-Jack and Kate saying goodbye on the cliff. Sniff. Jate forever!!!

-Jack passing on the mantle of Island protector to Hurley.

-Hurley asking Ben for his help, and Ben accepting beautifully. Michael Emerson is so good.

-Jack telling Desmond that he had done enough and he needed to go home to his family.

-Jack dying with Vincent by his side, looking so happy that his friends had made it off the island, and completely ready to go. Great work by Matthew Fox in that scene. It was brutal, and I am actually kind of crying again thinking about it.

Best Cinematography goes to:
Jack jumping at the Smoke Monster on the cliff. Sometimes the visuals can be cheesy on Lost, but that scene made up for it, because it looked awesome enough for pretty much the rest of the series.

For me this show was always about the characters first, and the mysteries second. Despite the unanswered questions, I think the creators served the characters they created incredibly well. From the joy on Jin and Sun's faces when they realized who they really were to the fact that Jack was the last to accept he was dead, the characters were spot-on. For a show with such ambitious plots, Lost never lost track of who the people we were rooting for really were. It's not a perfect show, but that's a rare achievement in such a long running TV series. So yay Lost!

P.S.

I seriously could not pictures up on this, because it was making me sad looking at them.

A darker side of West Bev.

Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) is having a really bad night. And her hair looks like someone's mom's.

Well, the finale started all sweetness and light, with everyone's (ie. my) favorite couples reuniting all sweetly and stuff. But let me tell you, once the clock hit that 8:35 mark, things went downhill FAST! Here's your finale scorecard!

Reunited:
Ivy (Gillian Zinser) and Dixon (Tristan Wilds)- Twice actually. These two were super cute tonight, and I loved that Ivy was totally embarrassed yet touched by Dixon's dorky planetarium show. Hopefully Deb (Lori Loughlin) and Harry (Rob Estes) will be too busy getting divorced and dealing with Annie to even notice that he's gone, and these two can have a great time in "Allstrailia" (that's how Dixon says it.) and continue their cuteness next season. In an episode where almost everything turned pretty sour at the end, these two got a happy-ish ending, even if Dixon has to bail on the trip.

Teddy (Trevor Donovan) and Silver (Jessica Stroup)- Silver tried to resist getting back together with Teddy for some unknown reason, but eventually she caved, probably because he looks like a Ken-doll, is pretty smart, sweet, rich and plays pro-tennis. Or, "tiniss" as Silver calls it. They were pretty much the only two people on the show who didn't have some kind of bummer ending, so when I start to get sad about all the awful things that happened, I just think of the pretty and smile.

This is the exact kind of attitude I would have had at a lame "passing the torch" school ceremony thing. Which is why I love Ivy (Gillian Zinser).

Navid (Michael Steger) and Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes)!- Yay! My favorite teenage couple is back together! And they are awesome as ever! So great right? Fine, no problem, everything is great? But no, of course not, because that would be boring or something. Not to me, but to viewers who aren't interested in seeing a show exclusively about how awesome Navid and Adrianna are, and how they do and say cute and funny things. So that means stupid Javier has to ask Ade to go on a world tour with him. For a year. She better not go. Or better yet she should go, and then see that Javier is just a creep trying to get with her, and then she can come back and run into Navid's arms! There. I just wrote Season 3's Navid/Adrianna arc for you 90210. You're welcome.

Broken Up:
Liam (Matt Lanter) and Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord). Because Naomi is the world's worst girlfriend if you want someone to talk to or help you on a regular basis. Sometimes she can really come through in a clutch, but most of the time, she is just a self centered idiot. So he dumped her, pretty rightfully. Bummer for Naomi.

Harry and Deb! Pretty much. That is obviously what is going to happen. Mostly because Deb seems to hate Harry with her entire soul and since her kissing a hottie yoga teacher didn't do it, she's gonna harp him into hating her back. Have a fun summer Wilson kids!

Getting Closer:
Liam and Annie (Shenae Grimes). I want to like this couple, I really do. They could be the Brenda/Dylan of new 90210. But oh, Annie. You are so annoying.

Fired:
Harry! For the whole covering up for Dixon thing, which I find totally unrealistic because school administrators do things like that all time. I think it is part of the reason people want power. So they can use it to help their family and friends, right? The superintendent was probably a woman who hated Harry, because all women do.

Setting an awesome boat on fire:
Jasper. What a jerk. I love seeing him hobble away on his crutches though. He is one dedicated arsonist.

Beating the crap out of Jasper:
Liam! Don't kill him dude! Even though your boat is awesome, he is so not worth it! On the brighter side, maybe his parents will forget all about the whole "stealing coins" thing. I know I practically have.


Pregnant with a drunk's baby!
Well that would be Jen. Good for her.

Drunk!
Well that would be Ryan Matthews, teacher extraordinaire. He stole a shuttle van, drunk drove that to his own car, failed to help Naomi and then hit the sign, causing fire to spout out of it and then follow his car in a line. It was beautiful. I have to be on Jen's side here when she says she doesn't want him around her baby. And to think, he's not even the worst teacher in town!

Worst Teacher in Town:
Mr. Australian or British guy or whatever that Naomi accused to sexually harassing her. The final scene with him and Naomi was awful and really scary! I hope something happens or someone saves her at the last minute because it would be terrible if that creepy teacher raped her. Too dark 90210! Too dark!

Next Season:
Um, it turns out Liam's boat is fireproof, Jasper goes to jail forever, Ethan comes back and saves Naomi, Annie gets facial reconstruction surgery and comes back looking like Katie Cassidy, Navid and Adrianna go on world tour together, Teddy wins a tennis championship thanks to Silver, Dixon and Ivy have a boss time down under, Ryan's drunk driving is not discovered and he goes to rehab, the baby inside Jen temporarily gives her a soul, and she kills herself while giving birth because she doesn't want to go back to being the soulless creature she once was, and a newly clean Ryan cutely raises the baby, with lots of visits from Auntie Naomi. Oh and Harry and Deb move to China. It's gonna be awesome!