However Long I Stay: Treme, Season 1 Episode 6, "Shallow Water, Oh, Mama."

Before I check back in on HBO's "Treme", I want to point anyone who is a fan of the show to the Times-Picayune and Dave Walker's great "Treme Explained". He does one for each episode, and it really helps put some of the storylines into context as well as explaining some of the throw away comments the characters make. This week, learn why Davis's mom was so horrified that he was working with Jacques Morial, who plays Antoine's mentor, some background on the real Davis, what the title of he episode means, and more. Check it out!

Unlike Dave Walker, I am not an expert on New Orleans or Katrina, but I still think that David Simon and Eric Overmyer's "Treme" gives me plenty to talk about. This episode is the beginning of the back half of the season, which is where Simon generally likes to pick up steam, plotwise. The stories they are telling us here are the small ones, not a grand tragedy like you see on "The Wire" but the way the little, everyday tragedies of life become so much worse when living among the ruins of a place that you love.

Some of the little moments I loved in this episode:

Delmond feeling overshadowed by the tradition his father loves, and yet completely unable to resist the pull of the Indians once he is among them.

Creighton, torn between his career and the fear that he could become something he hates, just another elite exploiting New Orleans.

Toni, in an amazing performance by Melissa Leo, push push pushing so insistently, so quietly, to get the information she needs to find Daymo. The thing I love most about Toni's character is that she is so dogged and persistent in her search for Daymo, because the more she uncovers, the more she sees the horror this poor guy must be going through, yet so patient and sweet with almost everyone she talks to about it. She knows that every person she is bothering about this has a thousand other tragedies to deal with, so she just gives them that little shove to make sure they help her figure out this one.

Davis with his rich, racist family, showing us what he is rebelling against and giving us a reason to root for him.

Antoine, taking care of the man that's taught him everything, and getting a scary glimpse into his own future at the same time.

Janette, trying and failing to ask her staff to work for free, realizing that even though she is amazing at what she does, she is just too far behind to do it anymore. The look on her face as she realized that her dream was done, at least for now and maybe forever, was a great piece of acting from Kim Dickens.

And of course, that silly, ridiculous only-in-New-Orleans parade, with Toni loosening up and being part of the "family of sperm" with Creighton and Sophia. Creighton and Toni's conversation sums up the series so far, with all it's little triumphs and sadnesses.
"Where else could we live, huh?"
"No place else."

90210, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

You know that I love 90210, but I gotta say, there were so many things to hate in this episode! It was killing me man!

(Silver sits alone, after deciding that a dude who tried to buy her off is probably right.)

With only one episode left until the season finale (thanks CW promo people), the writers of this show decided to do as much as possible to annoy the crap out me, including:

-The name of the episode. Maybe it's just me, but I didn't find the fact that Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) is dating some famous singer to be that important to episode, besides in the way that it thwarted my dreams of a Navid/Adrianna reunion. Other than that, who really cares about 'Javianna"?

-Not showing us any aftermath from the whole "Drunk Ryan Matthews" debacle (aka, the greatest thing that has ever happened on this show).

-Jen. (Sara Foster) Being there. (Do not even get me started on the whole pregnancy thing. My actual reaction was "JIGGA WHAT?!" There is documentation of this.)

-Silver (Jessica Stroup) listening to Teddy's (Trevor Donovan) jerkface of a dad (Ryan O'Neal) (who Teddy told her was a jerk like two scenes before) and breaking Teddy's heart because he lost his tennis match. (This is the kind of thing that happens when you demand to meet a dude's parents. Sometimes they're cagey about it for a reason ladies!) Also, the way she says 'match' really annoys me for some reason. So there's that.

-Dixon (Tristan Wilds) and Silver kissing. LET'S NOT GO THERE AGAIN PEOPLE. I did not like the face Dixon made when he and Ivy (Gillian Zinser) made up. Don't even think about it. Just go to Australia and have a good time. At least you get to be away from your awful parents!

(Is it so wrong that I just want these two to stay together?! And go to Australia?!)

-Jasper returned. Man that kid is a weirdo.

-The fact that even though Navid (Michael Steger) and Adrianna are basically in the same group of friends, neither of them ever talked to the SAME person about how they liked each other, so no one could just go "Oh, well he/she totally likes you too, you should just go and talk to her/him about it, like a normal person."

-Navid's crackpot plan. Plans like that should just be titled "I'm going provide the object of my affection with as little information as possible and then feel all heartbroken and crap when they don't get that I love them."

(I know that Dixon WANTS to tell Navid his plan is dumb, but he just doesn't have the heart.

)

-Deb (Lori Loughlin) and Harry (Rob Estes) were at their crazy-awful worst tonight! Lying to each other, using their children to manipulate each other, gen I have to say you can tell which one of them is leaving the show, because Harry was at least 1000 notches more horrible than Debbie, and she was terrible.

There were things I actually liked though, so don't worry!

Aww the scene with Teddy and Silver right before they did it was totally cute, and I was really happy for a minute, even though what happened next was compltely obvious and cliche, I still love them.

I am actually really into the "Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) is an awful girlfriend" storyline, for a couple of reason. One, it is totally consistent with her character that she would want to try to be there for Liam (Matt Lanter), but just be too into her own drama to really be able to be. Also, I think it makes sense that someone like Liam would think he would want to be with someone like Naomi, and then be pretty disillusioned by the reality.

I am also still kind of rooting for Annie (Shenae Grimes) and Liam. There I said it. Again, I feel like characterization is right here, and even though Shenae Grimes' totally grating portrayal of Annie makes it easy to forget, she is supposed to be a sweet, normal, sort of goofy girl, and I can see why Liam would be attracted to her, especially since she is so different from Naomi. (If only she hadn't killed someone! Dammit Annie!)

Stray questions:

Why is Naomi styled like a 40 year old? Her hair especially!

Why does Naomi still go to the beach club even though she knows Jen owns it?

Why does everyone drive cars from the seventies?

How sad was it when Liam realized that he got his maid fired for nothing? Stupid Finn Court! (Such a stereotypical Irish name for a stereotypical Irish loser. Ten to one he has a drinking problem too.)

Where is Ryan Matthews?!

Is there really only one jerk in all of West Beverly High? The same kid: took naked pictures of Annie and let them get all over school, blackmailed Dixon into helping break into the school to steal the SAT's, intimated that he will blackmail Harry over that same incident and made of Jasper for his suicide attempt. What kind of kid taunts someone for trying to kill themselves? The one jerk at West Beverly High.


Next week: Boats on fire! That teacher really is a sleaze!! Deb is yelling!! It's crazytown!

So many things to love on 90210! (And one thing to hate with a crazy insane passion.)

(This picture of Mr. Matthews (or Mr. Ryan...Matthews, if you prefer) is the one of the best 90210 screencaps ever.

)

Starting with... Ryan Matthews drunk! Oh it was a sight to behold. Mustard stained shirt. Chili dog hands. The sputtering. The "Taxi Driver" quoting. The way he totally horrified his students. Weirdly, I found this drunken version of Ryan Matthews way hotter than pretty much any other version. I don't know if that says something bad about me or the character, but I think you and I both know I'm going with "the character" on this one. Let's be honest, the guy ran into his ex girlfriend and her husband, which might be a perfectly fine excuse to have a drink or two, to even get a little drunk, but the level of homeless person drunkeness that this guy got to just because he talked to his ex for about thirty seconds was a little unnecessary. And also, amazing. It was beautiful. Because it was my favorite thing ever to happen, let's look at it again, real quick:

Okay so now that we are done basking in the glory that is "Ryan Matthews wasted", we can move onto the rest of the episode, which was kind of hit or miss.

More things to love include:

-Dixon and Ivy! Dixon is doing a lot of turnarounds this season, from idiot to cutie and back again, and in this episode, he was definitely rocking the cutie vibe. Mexican Cokes! The dude is a keeper. This week at least. And ivy deserves to have a nice boyfriend who goes to many different taco trucks to prepare a date for her! She's a cool chick!

-Teddy and Silver! Yeah, I'm back on that wagon, even if the "problem every 30 seconds" thing is getting a little tired. After his admission that he was in love with her, I pretty much melted. I've never seen so many people so concerned about the future of a hot, rich white guy though. Listen up everybody "HE'S GONNA BE OKAY!"

-Brace yourselves for this one, because I can't even believe it myself but...Annie and Liam? Maybe? Do I maybe kind of like them together? Maybe. It's probably mostly the Liam factor working for me here, because Annie hasn't changed enough for me to really like her on her own. She still makes an insane amount of weird faces, is a terrible listener (though not as bad as Naomi!) and annoys the crap out of me. These facts will never change. Trust.

-Naomi being a selfish idiot. I feel bad for Liam and everything, but choosing her over Ivy was always gonna end this way. She is who she is man. Also I am not going to even feel bad for her when her boyfriend falls for Annie.

-Oh Naomi screwing Jen over! That was awesome for the five seconds that is seemed like it might possibly be true!

-Adrianna and Navid on the boardwalk! It's TRUE LOVE guys, just admit it.


Things I hated, with a crazy insane passion:

-Jen's return. I hate the way she talks, I hate the weird way she purses her lips and squints her eyes when she's trying to be intimidating. I hate the how she opens her eyes all big and innocent when she is trying to seem nice. I hate her bony shoulders. I hate everything about her, and I hope that she is dropped in a vat of acid at the end this season. That is all.

Things I just sort of wasn't into:

-Adrianna and Javier singing and stuff. You know I love me some Ade, but this storyline just isn't doing it for me for some reason.

-Also, it is super dumb that Navid was all upset and stuff when he heard her tell Javier that "there was no one special" because as far as she knew, he had a girlfriend. 'Oh man, sorry Navid, for not wanting to come off as a desperate loser to some famous guy that I just met an hour ago by admitting to him that I'm still in love with my nerdy ex boyfriend who dumped me for kissing another dude and also has a girlfriend! I totally get why you are all brokenhearted and betrayed. Makes total sense.' Right on Ade! You make him jealous with that famous Jonas-brother like guy!

-Teddy/Silver/Dad- Silver was cute when she met him, and I liked that he 'surprisingly' liked her. (I was not surprised) but I am just not into the whole "forbidden to be together" thing. It just doesn't seem like a narcissistic movie star would even have time to keep his kid away from some girl on a Vespa.

(All movie stars like it when you are rudely honest with them. It's a fact.

)

-Ugh I hate that Liam's dad turned out to be a deadbeat! I totally saw it coming and was hoping they were going to subvert my expectations. (What? Come on, it's possible that 90210 was going to subvert my expectations. It is!)

-Liam just trusts anyone who is kind of nice to him doesn't he? That just makes me feel really bad for him. Also, it kind of makes me relate to him a little. Oh dear.

-Harry and Deb. I pretty much don't care, but I have to say that if I had adopted an 8 year old from a drug addict and created a pretty decent home for him, I would not let some hot yoga instructor OR some weird work crush OR some murky undefinable distance between my spouse and I (contract negotiations, maybe), cause me to get a divorce and destroy the only stability he has ever known. Unless it turned out I really didn't like him much and wanted to just give him that final push to be screwed up for life. Which I guess they could feel about Dixon, because he can be really annoying, but I think maybe they've misplaced their antipathy towards Annie onto him. My advice for Harry and Deb? Suck it up for a couple more years, then go and bang all the yoga instructors and guidance counselors you want.

Just in case you forgot what was awesome about this episode, I leave you with one final pic:

(This is one of my faves, because it looks like he was eating out of the trash.

)

Next week: Adrianna + Navid is SO about to = Love again. I can feel it.

90210: Worst. SAT's. Ever.

jpg"> (Dixon's awesomeness could not last too long. So now he is lame again.)

Things are pretty much not going well for anyone at West Beverly High right now, unless you count Navid, but things really only seem to be going well for him because he has no storyline whatsoever. (NOT COOL 90210!) For everyone else, there is a lot of a added stress to the whole "SAT's are coming up!" thing. There was also a lot of added dumbness in this episode. Such as:

Dixon. Oh Dixon, why did you even act kind of cool for five minutes in the last episode and make me think I could love you again? Dixon's total dumbosity was unparalleled in this ep. He lost $6000 to the guy who take that naked photo of Annie (real nice loyalty there dude, letting him play), believed some stupid story about how this idiot wanted to get into the school to 'decorate his girlfriend's locker' (yeah that sounds like it's worth six grand Dixon, sure.) stood in the middle of the damn school so that the security camera could get a real good look at his face, and then, to top it all off, TOLD THE GUY that his dad is letting them off so Dixon doesn't get in trouble. Way to ruin your Dad's career there, man. Nice job.

jpg"> (But how will you survive without college?! All you have are looks, money, and athletic ability!

)

Also dumb? Silver. Let's see, Teddy is the son of a movie star, looks like a model, and plays pro tennis. I think he'll be okay without college! Really no need to worry that he's not studying for the SAT's or planning to go to college, because I think he's gonna be fine. Life has a funny way of working out for rich, gorgeous people who also happen to be incredibly athletically talented. One more thing. Not returning your boyfriend's calls because his ultra famous movie star dad didn't know he had a girlfriend...kind of an overreaction there. You probably could have fought it out with him before the SAT's, so as not to make both of you insane during a test that you seem to think is pretty darn important.

Annie. I guess she's over the whole "I killed a guy" thing and is onto being angsty about her parents AND Liam. Okay sure, that seems like a way bigger deal than being guilty of MURDER.


Harry Oh man. His dumbess abounds, because he is an adult so he doesn't even have the whole "idiot teenager" excuse. I'm sure not telling Deb about how he is risking his career to protect Dixon is really going to make that marriage even stronger.

Deb. Seriously lady, don't tell your husband you kissed a crazy-hot guy and liked it unless you just want to get a divorce.

One more, and you know I hate this but it's true. Liam. I have so many questions for him, including, 1. Why are you hanging out with Annie? 2. Why do you suddenly like Annie? 3. If you suddenly like Annie and can never love Naomi again, why did you fake that did an get back together with her? Also, why can't you forgive her again? 4. Do you not think stealing from your stupid step-dad is a terrible plan? He seems to be evil to the core, so I am sure he will have you boiled in oil or something when he finds out. 5. Really? You're not even a little suspicious about the whole "Dad was framed, just need a little seed money" thing? I mean I want your dad to be a good guy too but, come on! Oh Liam.

jpg"> (It is a rare thing for TV ex-con dads to go legit. Let's see it happen here, 90210!

)

So basically, the only character who both had a storyline and didn't act foolishly tonight was Naomi. The poor girl admitted that she lied about that Australian teacher AND called herself a pervert (of justice) in front of the whole school. It was great. She promised to never lie again and reunited with Liam, and things were just going swimmingly! She was even getting everyone smoothies! But then something truly truly awful happened. JEN RETURNED. NOOOOOOOOOOO!


Next week: Spoiler Alert! I saw some awesome photos of Ryan Matthews, on the beach, looking bedraggled, covered in mustard, and possibly eating out of the trash! YES!!! You will be seeing those on this blog next week. Also, Silver meets Teddy's Dad, Ryan O'Neal. Like most dads on this show, he seems like a jerk.

Back with the streets I know; will never take me anywhere but here. Treme: Season 1, Episode 2: "Meet de Boys on the Battlefront."

This second episode seemed to be an episode about dreams thwarted, or at least tainted. We have Davis losing his job (a job which almost seemed to define him in the first episode, gone just a few minutes into the second), Janette having to beg her parents for a loan and still not getting enough to keep her restaurant or her ruined house together, Delmond having a great time in the city he abandoned only to get arrested for smoking weed, Sofie getting to come back to school in New Orleans at the expense of poorer kids, Albert getting a member of his tribe back but not before committing a shocking act of violence and most poignantly, LaDonna believing that her brother has been found, only to come face to face with the wrong David Brooks.

LaDonna's plight is one of the toughest to watch, because in her we see a strong woman trying so hard to hold so much together. The well being of her mother, her brother, her bar, her marriage and her kids are all on her shoulders, and in Khandi Alexander's performance you can see a woman who is bending but not about to break. In the scene where her husband suggests that she sell the bar and move to Baton Rouge it takes just a few facial expressions for the audience to see that this will not end well. She is not willing to give up her past or her home, no matter that right now her city is in ruins. Like many of our main characters, she is left, but not leaving.


We meet some new characters this week (Simon and Overmeyer LOVE their sprawling casts) in Sonny and Annie, street musician and possible con artists who seem to be getting a little sick of tourists and well wishers in their town. We also see some new sides to the characters we met last week, including a sweetness previously undetected in Davis (he really seemed to want to send those kids somewhere where they would have a good time!) and an intense anger and brutality in Albert. Dave Walker of NOLA.com is doing some very interesting annotations of each episode, and I really liked his explanation of Albert's actions. He mentions that depression and a kind of temporary insanity were rampant in the city after Katrina, and people often did things that they would not have done in normal circumstances. Something about reading his ideas on Albert's brutal beating of the thief made me feel a little better about it, and not so bad about how much I enjoyed his final scene, practicing with his lone tribe member. I am definitely a huge fan of Clark Peters, and I want Albert to be a man I can root for, despite this act of violence. I am sure it will not go entirely unpunished though. If I learned anything from The Wire it's that Simon and co. rarely let a bad or a good deed go unpunished.

This was a darker episode, but I must mention how much I am enjoying Wendall Pierce as Antoine. He's got this whole charming rogue thing down pat. Is it any surprise that a man who can flirt like that with his trombone has more than a few illegitimate children running around town? His odyssey to Bourbon Street and beyond for a paying gig added a nice touch of levity to the episode (loved his conversation with those Wisconsin kids!) as well as giving it that nice kick of music that is becoming this show's trademark.

But where is it all going? I am not sure yet, but I think I can see the hints of larger storylines on the horizon. We have Toni and Ladonna on a search for Daymo, about to embark on a mission through some kind of bureaucratic hell that may not have any kind of happy ending for them. Many of the characters, Janette, Davis, Antoine, Albert, and seemingly Sonny and Annie are just trying to find a way to get through the day and keep their lives, which are all in differing states of disrepair, together. Creighton is trying to tell his story, his city's story, without exploiting the less privileged people around him (which of course he can't.) At this point I'm not sure if there will be an overarching plot of any sort, or if this is just a story about rebuilding homes and lives and all the pain and messiness and beauty that comes with that. Either way, I am looking forward to what's coming next.

90210 Made me happy!

(One of things that made me happy about this episode of 90210...this picture of Liam.

)

Oh man, I was so into this episode of 90210! Many things made me very, very happy.

Starting with...Scott Patterson, (Luke from Gilmore Girls!) as Liam's (Matt Lanter) Dad! Unlike his Mom, he is actually old enough to be his parent, and I loved him on Gilmore Girls, and he and Liam hugged and everything, so that makes me think he is going to be cool, despite the whole "just got out of jail" thing. I am so excited about this development! Yay Scott Patterson!

Other awesomeness? Dixon (Tristan Wilds) has finally gotten off the "Great Big Jerk Train" and gotten back to being totally adorkable! If Ivy (Gillian Zinser) wasn't totally smitten by his nerdy little dance to Bob Marley at that party, she has a heart of stone. Also, when he was teaching her how to DJ, that was pretty hot.

By the way, I kind of like how they are slowplaying Dixon's gambling problem storyline. I mean it's a dumb storyline, but at least they are just mentioning it once in a while and letting it gain momentum before everyone ends up staging an intervention or something.

Somehow, I was simultaneously charmed by how cute Navid (Michael Steger) was with Lila AND how they seem to be paving the way for Navid and Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) to get back together. Michael Steger really does a great job portraying Navid's inherent sweetness without going over the top. I really do believe him as a genuinely nice guy, with just the right amount of geekiness, but not so much that you can't understand why these girls are into him. And since I wanted them to get married, I obviously want him back with Ade! Sorry Lila.

I am liking Ivy's mom a little bit more this episode, especially since she gave Adrianna such good advice at the party. And everyone loves a pothead!

I was also really excited that Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) recanted before she ruined that poor teacher's life, though I was really confused how everyone found out so quickly. Did Liam have a glass on the door or something? And how did Ivy find out? I thought the show did a good job making Naomi sympathetic even though she had done something pretty awful. I will say this though, having Annie draw parallels to her own secret from Naomi's made me realize that they did not do a good job making Annie sympathetic. Maybe it's just the face. Though, Naomi was nostril flaring it UP last night. It's like these kids took acting lessons from Joey Tribiani or something!

I do think they are trying to make up for Annie's horrible "Jasper will never tell!" smile last week by showing that she is still feeling guilty and have stress dreams and the like. Still, she's pretty awful.

There were a few things that left me befuddled last night though, and one of them being Annie and Silver's "dress up like whores" outing to test drive the Mustang. That was the dumbest, most convoluted way ever to get Annie to have some kind of PTSD attack about hitting the bum. Since she was driving from Naomi's house home when she hit him, aren't there about a hundred easier ways to get her driving down that road again? And why would either of them think they are lost? Dumb.

(Annie, thinking about whether killing a homeless person is better or worse than falsely accusing someone of sexual harassment.

)

Another was good ol' Ryan "Wake and Bake" Matthews. I feel like they don't know what to do with him, so they always have him sleeping with older women and flirting with substance abuse problems. I mean we never even got to see how his drinking problem was going, and now he's going to become a pothead?!! Or not, maybe just have a fun and functional relationship with Ivy's mom? I really cannot tell where this storyline is going. I like the character, so hopefully they will figure him out at some point. What about he and Liam being all buddy-buddy? Let's bring that back!

And even though I want her and Navid to get back together, I can't believe Gia cheated on Ade! I feel like their relationship was portrayed as really functional and mature, and Gia as totally into Ade as well as smart and funny and then BAM! One fight and she's hooking up with her ex! Gia, you used to be cool.

Next week: Teddy and Silver have a fight (sad face.), Liam and Naomi make up (fakely or something), and Liam and Annie have a moment (ewwww!). God poor Liam really has a thing for liars.

You're the shit, and I'm knee-deep in it. Treme, Season One, Episode One, "Do You Know What It Means"

Like his critically acclaimed “The Wire” (The best show that ever existed. Watch it!), David Simon’s “Treme” is not interested in holding your hand. The first episode had no “here are the characters, this is the plot” presentation, it plunks you down in the middle of these lives and asks you to make some deductions and figure things out. That’s right. It’s TV that asks something of you, of your brain and of your heart. Because the place it puts you is New Orleans, 3 months after Katrina. In scene after scene the questions “How’s your house?” and “How much water you get?” are asked and answered, with only a hint of the destruction of houses and people that went on. But even if life goes on for some, and the questions are casual, “Treme” shows us the pain and devastation of a city that was almost destroyed. When Albert Lamoreaux (Clark Peters) sees his house for the first time since fleeing the storm, it’s not just the water damage or the mud floor that grabs you, it’s the way you can look at his face and see that he is absolutely gutted. And then, in moments, his jaw is set in steely resolve, and it is clear, he’s not leaving.

Why? There are a lot of questions that we don’t get an exact answer to yet in this episode. We know that Albert is staying for practice, and that he is some kind of ‘chief’, but without doing the extra research on Mardi Gras Indians the exact ‘why’ still remains a bit of a mystery. Other questions? What does John Goodman’s character do exactly? Why does Davis (Steve Zahn) hate his neighbors? How are all these people intertwined?

Simon uses quick beats to define his large cast of characters. You see all of Antoine Baptist’s (Wendall Pierce) charm and hard luck the very first time he tries to hustle a cab driver out of a fare. He lives out of the city now, but he needs to get back in to play music, to make money, to see people. He is a man battling to get back to his old life, even if his old life means no more than not having to take a cab into town to scramble for gigs.

And it takes only three scenes, two of anger and one of love, to show the viewer that Creighton (John Goodman) and Toni (Melissa Leo) are pretty perfectly matched. A couple passionately devoted to the city and its people, and determined to use the little power they have through influence and money to affect some positive change. We also see that even in their privileged position, roadblocks are constantly thrown in their way.

We are given a few intriguing narrative threads to look forward to. One is LaDonna (Khandi Alexander) and Toni’s search for LaDonna’s brother Daymo, who has been missing since the storm. By episode’s end, we know that Daymo was in jail when the storm hit, and was moved by the sheriff’s department. We have a maybe love story between Davis and Jeanette (Kim Hickerson), the owner of a local restaurant. Another is Albert’s quest to get his tribe ready for Carnival, as well as an already intriguing father-son dynamic between him and his son. Clark Peters as Lester Freamon is one of my favorite characters on “The Wire”, so I for one am really looking forward to this story. With a cast this stellar, there is a lot to look forward to this season.

Though “Treme” is in some ways a story of Katrina, it is also a story of after. Of how people find joy and music and beauty in the bleakest of places. Of how home is still home, even if it’s nothing but the dirty remnant of the life you once had. It’s a story of rebuilding a place, and the rebuilding of people.

Melrose Place "Some Street in L.A." (Sepulveda actually)

So, I felt slightly less rage at this episode than the promo led me to believe I would, but there were still plenty of thing to make me feel ragey, such as:

-Jonah(Michael Rady). Pretty much everything Jonah did in this episode made me want to slap him. Slappable offenses include: acting like he has some great moral compass, bidding on stupid Riley (Jessica Lucas) at her stupid fundraiser, trying to shame Ella(Katie Cassidy) into acting how he wanted her to, not appreciating his great girlfriend, getting all warm and fuzzy about stupid Riley at the casting of his stupid movie, demanding that the studio sell him his movie back after he has one disagreement with the director (characterized as a "big fight" by both parties even though it was about two seconds long and as heated as Riley and bearded Billy Campbell making out) and then of course, having his dream come true and wanting to tell Riley instead of Ella, and then making an annoying puppy dog face at Riley and Drew (Nick Zano). Haaate. I am starting to dislike Jonah more than Riley to the point that I now want her and Drew to be happy so that she can rub it in his face. See what you've done to me Jonah?!! Now I hate you more than Riley!! (My hate for you is contingent on your actions, so you can still fix this. I will always hate Riley, no matter what.)

-Riley's totally bizarre fundraiser outfit. She looked insane.

-Why does everyone act like Riley is the prettiest girl in the world?!! Why?!

-I am mad that Ella didn't take Riley out on a date. That, I would like to see.

-Where did Riley get the money to throw that fundraiser in the first place?!

-I don't want to see any more of Drew's band. And obviously, neither did anyone else at that party.

-I can't believe they had that nerdy guy dump Ella. (In the Valley!) Isn't our girl going through enough here?!

-I hate that Ella didn't slap Jonah and make my dreams come true, but instead just acted incredibly cool and mature and then admitted to David (Shaun Sipos) that she was really into Jonah. And that she can't ever sleep with David again without being a jerk because Lauren(Stephanie Jacobsen) is in love with him.

There were some things I liked too though!

-First and most importantly of all, there were NO OLDTIMERS. I never thought I would say this, but I pretty much hate all of the original Melrose Placers and would be quite happy to never see them again. (Bummer for me.)

-David and Ella team up! They are hotness!

-Lauren gets through to David! Of course he understands what it's like to have to be constantly proving yourself worthy of your father's love. BOOM goes the dynamite Lauren, you're golden.

-David's restaurant gets a great review, with a little help from Ella and Lauren. I really do like that they are actually showing us that these people are friends instead of just telling us the way they were in the first half of the season. I also like both Riley and Ella's conversation with Lauren about her whoring ways.

-Drew isn't a psycho, he believes that Micheal's valve is killing people! Awesome! Take him down Drew!


Next week:
Ugh, Amanda's back. You are not revitalizing Melrose Place this time around, Heather Locklear, sorry to say. And if Riley doesn't shoot down Jonah, Ima gonna kill someone.

90210-"Sweaty Palms and Weak Knees"

What did I love (or get sweaty palmed over?) about 90210 this week, you might ask? Well let me see:

-The awesome "arty" picture of Annie in front of the Hollywood Sign that Jasper had in his room. It's totally normal to have a picture of your girlfriend making the ugly cry face in a frame!

-Speaking of ugly faces, Jasper sure made a lot of them during his suicide attempt!

-The fact that I was actually kind of interested in the Anne/Jasper plot for once! (Suicide always jazzes things up!)

-I loved that Jasper's obviously totally rich Dad told Annie that Jasper was really affected by his uncle's death. "We are fabulously wealthy, but we pretty much decided to just let him become a drunken homeless person while simultaneously letting our weirdo teenage kid hang out with him. How did this plan go wrong?!!" It is always such a shock when the drunk bum brother goes before the ridiculously affluent one.

-Gia and Adrianna! Still cute!

-Teddy and Silver! DREAMY.

-The fact that the only restaurant/club that anyone who goes to West Bev put up an incredibly huge and expensive looking set so that The Gloria Steinems could play one song, for their first ever show. They are going to be so disappointed when they start playing dirty rock clubs.

-That The Gloria Steinems have their own van. (I know the guitarist is supposed to be daughter of a famous musician but still...)

-That when Ivy's mom says she "knows" a guy, it means she's slept with him.

- I think Dixon got a haircut! Or something. He looks better to me for some reason.

-Dixon and Ivy's fake relationship! He got her a good present and everything! He's a way better fake boyfriend to her than he was a real boyfriend to Silver. Hmm does that tell you something Dixon?

What did I hate about it?

-No Navid. We saw more of his girlfriend than him! They better not be marginalizing him!

-Everything else about Ivy's mom. It was just a little too cliche, the whole "child is the parent, mom is sleeping with the teacher, don't call me mom in public" thing. Oh AND she's a record executive. AND she only wants to sign Ade, not the whole band. Wow, how original.

-It could not be more obvious that Annie didn't really kill Jasper's uncle. Because if she did, she would be the worst person in the world and totally unrootable. She's already awful enough, because she thinks she killed someone and is keeping quiet about it.

Things I am just not sure how I feel about:

-No Deb & Hot Yoga Guy (a.k.a. Lucky #3) - I am a little sad about the demise of the parents, I think, but I was super excited to remember over the weekend that Hot Yoga Guy is played by Greg Vaughn, who in addition to playing Lucky # 3 on GH, also played Cliff, Donna's firefighter goody too-shoos boyfriend on Beverly Hills, 90210!

-Naomi and Liam. I kind of like that Naomi is stirring up trouble, cause let's be honest, that's what she's there for, but I also like her and Liam together and hate to see her screw it up like this! He better run into the arms of Ivy when he finds Naomi is lying about the whole "Australian teacher sexually harassed me" thing. Also, I love that after assaulting a teacher the first thing that Harry does is ask Liam if has a good reason. Like, if he has a good reason it's okay to attack someone?

Next week:
I missed the previews because I was in the bathroom! Damnit!

Melrose Place "Santa Fe" or Life is Unfair

So why is life unfair you may ask? Because we live in a world where it is completely plausible that a man like Jonah (Michael Rady) ( (reasonably attractive, currently successful but usually broke, whiny) can have his choice of TWO women, and a woman like Ella (Katie Cassidy) (totally hot, driven, successful) is nothing more than a rebound for a confused idiot. Seeing Jonah and Drew (Nick Zano) fight over Riley (Jessica Lucas) made my blood boil! That coupled with the fact that Ella was totally cool about it and in next week's preview Jonah is trying to get Riley back make me HATE JONAH. Moron. So that is what I have to say about that!

Other thoughts:

-Everyone over 40 on this show is an unrepentant sociopath. I mean I don't even understand how I am supposed to enjoy the reunion between Jo (Daphne Zuniga), Jane (Josie Bissett), Michael (Thomas Calabro) and Amanda (Heather Locklear) when not one of these people have even one redeeming quality?! They are all just desperate losers trying to destroy the next generation for the flimsiest of reasons possible. They are awful, and I hate them. Especially Amanda and Jane, because they are destroying Ella's career, and she worked SO HARD. Also, Michael, because he was pretty much going to rape Lauren (Stephanie Jacobsen) by blackmailing her into sex.

-Speaking of Lauren...OMG! I love that she just admitted to being prostitute like that! I wish she had done that before breaking up with David (Shaun Sipos) and driving him back to thievery which kicked off the stupid "blonde girl blackmailing David into sex" (very popular on this show) storyline which is boring and lame. I really liked the scene where David and Lauren talked about their feelings, because he was justifiably hurt and angry, and she was open and vulnerable. He's love starved, so he won't be able to resist the "I love you" from her for long.
'
-Two good burns tonight- Drew to Jonah- So desperate you throw a party like this just to show everyone how AWESOME you are!" And Ella about Jo "Did somebody complain that this party wasn't bossy and overbearing enough?!"

-Of course Riley makes Lauren being a whore all about her. "Remember, I know what it's like to have the rug pulled out from under your whole life..." Because being forced to become a hooker so you don't have to give up on your dream of being a doctor is JUST LIKE breaking up with your boyfriend of five years. Exactly the same,

-What was Drew doing with that body at the end there? I thought he was the normal one! Non-broody and everything!

Next week:
Jonah tries to get back together with Riley and disses Ella. Jonah, you are officially moving to the hate list. Jerk.

90210-"Clark Raving Mad" or I missed the beginning, fill me in!

Yes, it is tragic. Because Charter Communications cannot make a functioning DVR, 90210 didn't record last night, even though I have it set to record ALL EPISODES. So when I got home at 8:40, I decided I at least had to catch the last 20 minutes! So here's what I saw! Anyone want to fill in the blanks for me?

-Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) and Gia (Rumer Willis) had an interesting conversation about human sexuality, the Kinsey Scale, and then made out. I am definitely starting to like these two! They were pretty cute together.

-Things seem to be going well with Adrianna and the band and Navid (Michael Steger) and his new lady, because there was a sweet band scene at the end there.

-Teddy (Trevor Donovan) and Silver (Jessica Stroup) got back together! Yay! After they kissed he picked her up and swung her around all cutely and it reminded me how incredibly tiny she is.

-Dixon's mom left, and before she went, decided to remind Dixon that gambling is awesome, to help him out with that burgeoning gambling problem he's working on.

-Also, Dixon's mom totally BUSTED Debbie kissing her yoga instructor (Go Lucky # 3) and told her not to sacrifice her marriage with her idiot goofball husband for a totally hot, intelligent and understanding man. Um, great advice Dana. (I don't like to be pro-adultery, but Harry's had all the sensitivity and suavness of Homer Simpson this season! Come on man!)

-Apparently someone told Naomi she could have something if she slept with him. Liam wants her to tell on the guy, and not act like "a doormat like our mothers are." Whoa, way harsh dude.

-Jasper threatened to kill himself! Do you think he'll do it?! How much blood will Annie have on her hands by the time this school year is out!

Melrose Place- I finally discovered the mystery behind the episode names! This is worth reading just for that!

Two things before we begin:

1. I finally figured it out! I am going to stop obsessing about the episode names from now on! I guess Melrose Place names all the episodes after streets in L.A. or something? Is that supposed to be clever? It seems to me the writers just don't have even the tiniest bit of creativity left in them after writing the episode, so they just name it after somewhere they drove by earlier.

2. CWTV.com has the worst selection of pictures for this show. It is basically always just the same two scenes from 10 different angles. This week? Pool basketball and Amanda vs. Riley confrontation. Hopefully you don't have a powerful need to see more angles of either of those scenes, because you're just getting one of each.

So onto the show! What even happened?! Well let's see...

Amanda/Riley/Bearded Billy Campbell- I think we're supposed to...like Riley(Jessica Lucas)? Maybe? With her whole "I'll get the funding for my schools, even if I have to raise every last cent myself!", I think we are supposed to find her admirable and like-able. I don't, so it doesn't really matter what they want. This storyline was a dud for me, for a few reasons.
1. Riley.
2. It went nowhere
3. Bearded Billy Campbell and Riley have absolutely no sexual chemistry, and I do not buy that he would break up with Amanda for her. I mean, Riley and I would have more chemistry together, and I hate her!
The only good thing about this for me is that maybe Amanda will do a lot of awful things to Riley in the future because of her boyfriend stealing. Fingers crossed!

David/Lauren- Sigh. Stupid Lauren really did break up with David and not give him a reason. I really wanted to believe she would find a way out that didn't involve breaking David's heart and driving him back to thievery. The bright side is, maybe now that he has slept with that girl so that she won't tell her mobster (or something) father that David stole from him, when they get back together, David will totally understand her whorish ways!

Drew (Nick Zano)- He is called Drew! Score one for me against CWTV.com! He was also much less annoying this time around, and I will admit, it is nice to have someone who doesn't take everything SO SERIOUSLY around. He is far less broody than the rest of them.

Ella/Jonah- I actually really liked this story line! It totally makes sense that Ella and Jonah would have a few bumps in the road towards "couplehood", and it was nice to see a few layers in both characters. We see that Ella has a reason for those rough edges (child of divorce, tough upbringing) and that Jonah had a tendency to be a bit suffocating to those he loves. And of course, I was happy to seem them work it out for now, because I love Ella almost as much as I hate Riley, and the fact that this makes Ella happy while making Riley miserable is pretty perfect.

Next week:
Drew and Jonah BETTER NOT be fighting over Riley. Seriously. Also: Lots of old-timey Melrosers in one place! Melrose Place!

90210- "What's Past is Prologue" A pretty good title for a pretty good episode!

So there were some things missing from this episode of 90210, but I think that the fact that I still really enjoyed this episode despite there being no drunk Ryan Matthews, very little Liam, Silver and Teddy having problems and Deb NOT going psycho means that it was a pretty strong showing!

We had:

-Gia (Rumer Willis) making me kind of like and care about her! I mean she's a super spy, she seemed really happy that Teddy wasn't going to cheat on Silver even though we have zero evidence that she is even friends with Silver, and let's be honest, we're all sick of hearing Adrianna whining about Navid! So go Gia! I totally wanted her to kiss Ade in the bathroom instead of just admitting she likes her, but whatevs, she's still cool.

-Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) trying out to be the singer in a band. (What kind of band? I don't know what kind of high school band is looking for Adrianna's show tunes voice, but Gia seems to think they're cool, so I'll go with it. Another question... Why would Lila (Amber Wallace) schedule a date on the very night she was supposed to be auditioning singers for her band? I mean we all know bass players don't matter, but come on, show some commitment here, Lila!) And then finding out that a member of the band is the very same girl she just saw Navid making out with and then talked about very loudly from about 2 feet away!

-Naomi's (AnnaLynn McCord) gossip report for The Blaze. Classic.

-Annie (Shenae Grimes) getting stalked by Jasper (Zachary Ray Leonard)! AND he stole her car to hide the evidence of her homicidal driving! I love that she actually said to Silver at one point "We all make mistakes sometimes, and we need to just, move on." Look, sometimes you murder someone with your car and leave them for dead, and then you just need to MOVE ON. Obviously Annie.

-Deb (Lori Loughlin) was so cute being all threatened by Dixon's (Tristan Wilds) birth mom! Also, her yoga instructor was SO CUTE being there for her and telling her that her feelings were valid and all that. Yay Lucky # 3 from General Hospital! Deb was TOTALLY rocking some crazy Annie faces in this episode! Now we know that crazyface is a genetic condition!

-Harry (Rob Estes) is truly the densest man alive. They are writing him as such a clueless goofball this season!

-I love that one offhand mention of gambling from his formerly crazy birth mom is enough to begin a gambling problem for Dixon (You KNOW that is where this is going!). Looks like Deb and Harry didn't spend enough on counseling for him.

-Silver (Jessica Stroup) and Teddy (Trevor Donovan) having some relationship growing pains! (He's gonna forgive her for spying on him! He has to! He must!) I mean everyone meets up with a sex buddy just for coffee when "trying" monogamy! And everyone sends random lesbian friends to spy on boyfriends who used to be big man-sluts! This is all totally normal and they are going to go back to being all cute and awesome and stuff sometime soon.

-Navid (Michael Steger) went on a date with a cute girl! It was pretty sweet, even if he did take her the same place that Liam and Naomi had their horrible awkward date. That may be the only place West Beverly High kids go on dates now that "The New Peach Pit" is defunct. I still want him to just forgive Adrianna, but until then, these two are cool with me.

Next week:
Ugh I have to tell you that I really hated the preview for next week's show. "Like, omigod, two girls kissing! How SCANDALOUS!!" This is a show where high school kids have: no parents, drug addictions, and relationships entirely based upon sex, not to mention the possibility that one of them has KILLED someone, so let's not act like lesbian characters are some big controversy all of a sudden. I mean Gia has an ex-girlfriend that was mentioned casually and Gia and Adrianna have already had a pretty steamy kiss, so I don't really see the need to act all ridiculous about the episode where they actually get together, CW promo team. Grow up!

Melrose Place- it giveth, it taketh away.

So I think this week's Melrose Place episode, "Stoner Canyon" (Do not ask me, I do not have any idea where the names of these episodes originate. And yes, I am TRYING to stop obsessing about it, but it's hard, okay?!) can be easily divided into two categories. Things I loved, and things I hated. (It's a simple show people.)

Things I loved:

Ella (Katie Cassidy) and Jonah (Michael Rady)! Together! All vulnerable and stuff! (But if you break her heart, Jonah Miller, I swear, I WILL become a fictional character and get you!)

Jonah changing the ending of his movie (which, I have to say, sounds worse and worse the more I hear it described.) to reflect the fact that it turns out Riley (Jessica Lucas) SUCKS.

David (Shaun Sipos) explaining to Michael (Thomas Calabro) like 10 times that when he slept with Vanessa (Scary Brooke Burns), it was before Michael and she knew each other. "Before you even met." "You didn't even know each other." "You hadn't even met her." Let me reiterate Dad, YOU DID NOT KNOW EACH OTHER.

Michael actually being a doctor instead of a psycho.

Amanda (Heather Locklear) Googling "pain in chest and shortness of breath" after being told she had just lost 15 million dollars and then acting like Michael was crazy when he suggested she was having panic attacks. She is so much dumber than I thought.

Also, Amanda being really insecure about bearded Billy Campbell and other women. The dragon lady is fallible!

They all still seem like actual friends instead of strangers who live in the same building like they did before the break.

Things I hated:

Michael blackmailing Lauren to break David's heart. For one this is crazy, and for two, I think someone as smart as Lauren could figure a way to get out of it. Like say, telling David Michael is threatening her and that she wants to pretend to break up so that he will back off and stop being a psycho boss. Then she can keep her whorish ways a secret and NOT break David's heart. She is dumb if she goes through with this. Like, 'Googling "chest pain and shortness of breath" after being told she lost 15 million dollars' dumb.

Ugh Nick Zano's entire character, whose every move I predicted throughout the entire show. He does look better thinner and less muscley though, so I'll give you that, Zano. (I thought he was named Drew from the show, but CW website is calling him Nick. I am just going to wait and see who's right.)

The fact that Nick (or Drew) is all into Lauren and these two are probably going to hook up. Poor David.

Riley.

The fact that bearded Billy Campbell was nice to Riley and funded her project.

The fact that everyone acts like Riley is so pretty when Ella is clearly just as pretty or prettier than her.

That Jonah at some point in his life thought Riley was really funny.

Here's hoping:

Nick (or Drew) and Riley get together and pull a Violet and Auggie and ride off into the sunset forever.

Next week:

Riley kisses bearded Billy Campbell! I guess Amanda was totally right to be insecure about him! I cannot wait until she brings down her righteous life-ruining fire down on Riley!

90210- It's back! And better than...last week!

I think 90210 returned to fine form last night, recovering from last week's episode quite nicely. And since everyone loves lists, let's just do an homage to Clint Eastwood and make it "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly."

The Good:

By being all fiesty, cute and funny (and, of course, Girl Fighting), Naomi (Annalynn McCord) won me AND Liam (Matt Lanter) over to the Liam + Naomi = LOVE side. Sorry Ivy! Besides, since when is mind-blowing sex not a good basis for a relationship?

Dixon (Tristan Wilds) got totally busted trying to keep Teddy (Trevor Donovan) and Silver (Jessica Stroup) apart, and got punched in gut for his evil machinations! Also, people kept mentioning his birth mother ignoring him.

Silver totally BURNED Dixon when he was trying to get back with her! "I really really value your friendship." Ouch.

Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) has pretty hair. (Thanks for NOT providing a picture of that cwtv.com!)

Annie (Shenae Grimes) actually did something smart and figured out a way to get rid of Jasper (Zachary Ray Sherman) with a minimum of weird face making. Even I didn't like seeing her suffer that much.

Annie wrote a confession that was autosaved on her computer! I can't wait to see her suffer for killing that homeless dude! She made a lot of weird faces while trying to email her parents her murder confession. Ah, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

After some typical Silver style waffling, SILVER AND TEDDY KISSED! Sweet! Maybe I should start a fan site for this fictional couple I am unnaturally preoccupied with! Oh wait, someone else already did that, so, I'm out of luck.
http://www.fanpop.com/spots/silver-and-teddy
Also, I guess I don't need to post that Teddy and Silver montage video i made scored to "My Heart Will Go On". "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" was a WAY better song choice.

So the whole Teddy and Silver thing is going well, and for me, that is GOOD. This was my actual note at the end of the episode concerning this: "MAKE OUT!!!!! YES!!!!!!! Tilver! Seddy! Fave couple ever!"
Adrianna and Navid (Michael Steger), you have been replaced in my heart.

The Bad:

No Navid.

Ugh Annie's back in the clique again. I kind of liked it when she had her own separate story line that I could zone out during.

Adrianna and Rumer Willis are just not doing it for me.

I really just want this Annie killing a bum storyline to wrap up, so can she just turn herself in and find out that she didn't really kill a dude after all. And then everyone can judge her for thinking that she killed someone and not coming forward about it.

Kelly Lynch as Ivy's Mom. How about we write for the adults we already have?

Ivy saying "Nai's got sammies!" Oh god, no.

Jasper isn't so much menacing as he is whiny. "Come onnn! We ALWAYS used to hang at my house!"

The Ugly:

The crazy Mama bear glint in Deb's eye when Dixon's birth Mom showed up.

Ryan Matthews' downward spiral! Though it did give us this awesome line re: Jen from Naomi... "Oh I didn't realize that would bother you. I mean it's obvious that she's a total sociopath."

Things I can't wait for:

Someone to read Annie's confession.

Deb to go all insane on Dixon's birth-mom.

Silver and Teddy equaling love.

Melrose Place- "Oriole" No, I don't know why it is called that.

Melrose Place is back! With another completely inexplicable episode title! Apparently, even though it has been three months since the last episode, it has only been about 8 hours in Melrose world since then. No one besides David seems to know or care that Lauren almost died, and people are even less concerned about the death/attempted murder that happened in their pool just the night before! Riley mentions in passing to Violet that she's "sorry about what she went through last night" (She just killed, in self defense, the woman who murdered her mother. So not a big deal! I mean Riley had a break up last night, so it was big of her to even mention it really.) What are people concerned about? Why romantic relationships, of course!

Now some might say that I have irrational hatred for Riley and a strange, Harper's Island inspired love for Ella, but I cannot even for five seconds understand why Jonah would even consider going back to Riley. At this point, Riley is bordering on delusional crazy-person behavior here if she thinks she can tell her fiancee that she doesn't want to marry him and just wants to continue dating him with the freedom to dump him on his ass whenever the feeling strikes her, and when he says no way to that proposal, she continues to attempt to sleep with him and act like they are together and everything is fine. How is Ella the bad guy here?! She's not, so SHUT UP RILEY and David. Riley you are officially the most terrible person on this show, a show which contains murderers, whores and thieves.

So in conclusion, Jonah better get his act together and give Ella all the love and cherishing she deserves.

On the Lauren and David front, he beat the crap out someone for her, and even though I am usually against violence, I am all for it, because the dude drugged her and left her to die! I love how at one point she actually tries to describe this man as "just a big jerk". Um, he didn't steal your LEGOs or something Lauren, he almost killed you.

David and Lauren are still adorable, and he still doesn't know she's a hooker. I am sure he's not going to take it well.

Violet and Auggie decided to run away together because Melrose Place is causing all of their problems. He totally loves Riley but Violet is so weirdly obsessed with him that she is okay with being with him even though he is not really interested in her. This is what low self-esteem gets you ladies. So these two are off the show. Later!

Amanda is dating a bearded Billy Campbell, who is a computer billionaire or something. He is not good at reading the ladies though, because he totally made it seem like he was going to propose to her, and instead her gave her a Bentley. Note to all the men out there in TV land, even if you are giving your lady a freakin' Bentley, and even if your lady is an older, powerful, already-been-married woman who one would think would not really be obsessed with getting engaged, she will be pissed if you make it seem like you are giving her a diamond and then you don't. Because for TV ladies, being married is pinnacle of life. Duh, bearded Billy Campbell, duh.

Also, bearded Billy Campbell and Ella had a weird moment where maybe it seemed like he was hitting on her or something, and Amanda saw, and was pretty much unnecessarily awful to Ella, because obviously it was her fault that Amanda's boyfriend hit on her. Chicks, man. So Amanda will probs be plotting against her and stuff now.

Next week: Love triangle! Michael! Kimber from Nip/Tuck!
What I want to know is, will the whole "Micheal's kid is really David's kid" reveal ever be revisited? Or are we just forgetting about that?

90210 Returns! Finally!

After the longest winter break in history, 90210 is finally back! Did this episode live up to the stellar "Winter Wonderland" half season finale thing in December?! No, not really at all. Parts of it were kind of annoying, parts of it were enraging, and parts of it were just kinda boring. Some things were still awesome though, I admit. Such as:

-Naomi and Ivy's totally awkward interaction, complete with the line "I found if you spoke loudly and slowly enough you could get through to them that you did not want their island junk."

-Liam was there, being hot and stuff.

-Naomi remembering that her entire relationship with Liam pre-him doing her sister pretty much consisted of sex and smirking, causing her to then show up at his boat- building place naked.

-Lucky # 3 from General Hospital played Deb and Kelly's hot yoga teacher! This is the only thing even remotely good about the parent's story line tonight.

-Oh no wait, the part where Deb made fun of Annie's, "snarky derisive laugh" was pretty great too. Wow, Annie is so awful, even her own parents know it.

-Ivy and Liam are still BFF! They WILL be together, I can feel it!

-Adrianna and Rumer Willis? Kinda cute together!

-Like Naomi, I want to "forget about Jen and everything she's ever done forever." Sounds about right.

Onto annoying:

-Why is Rob Estes suddenly mugging like one of the Three Stooges in every scene he's in? Tone it down man! It's like he's been taking "weird face-making" classes from Shanae Grimes!

-I think they made Jennie Garth wear a really unflattering dress in that stupid party scene just so she wouldn't seem like a threat to Deb and Harry's marriage or Deb and the yoga dude's flirtation.

-Navid and Dixon's terrible terrible hijinks. Life tip: when you are in the midst of a secret plan to destroy someone, walking by him and smiling triumphantly before anything has even happened is a really good way to tip him off.

-Does Adrianna have to be totally awkward with her friends to become friends with Gia? Couldn't they have just met and hit it off when she was not all vulnerable and weird?

-Does Gia have to wear that weird fedora thing? We get that she's a lesbian people, don't worry about it.

-Where was Ryan Matthews? I want to know how his drinking problem has been progressing!

ENRAGING:

-Dixon. Silver. All of it. Did Dixon not get my memo that he needs to step aside and let my new favorite couple Teddy and Silver fall in love and be together forever and ever? I cannot wait for all of his machinations to be laid bare and for Teddy to beat him up, sans weird outdoor boxing helmets and gloves. (What was that about?)

-The fact that Navid bought cocaine with which to set up Jasper. Out of character much? And I can't even feel that bad about him getting in trouble for it, because he did indeed buy drugs and bring them to school, so it's not exactly unjust.

-I can't believe Deb and Harry got Annie such a cheap phone! That thing practically shattered into a million pieces when she used her stick arm to throw it barely halfway across the room!

Kinda boring-

I don't know how they do it, but somehow even a relationship based on murder and blackmail can't really make me care about Annie and Jasper. I mean come on Annie, at this point even jail would be preferable to dating Jasper, so just turn your bum -killing- booby-flasher self in.

So, while I'm happy to have 90210 back, the next episode needs to STEP IT UP.

Next week:
Love triangles, hiking and some Ryan Matthews!

Chuck Season 3, Episode 5 "Chuck Versus First Class"

Well, since I am sure you all ready read my "Chuck Season 3 Primer" and saw me get all wordy about this show, I am going to assume you've watched this awesome episode and you just want me to list all the great things that happened in it with hilarious commentary and then list some stuff I would have like to see changed with even MORE hilarious comments. So that's what I'ma gonna do.

Things that were as awesome as Captain Awesome include:

-Casey being worried about Chuck! Come on that shit was adorable. This was a great Casey episode all around I think.

-Shaw questioning Sarah about where she was on those lost days after her meeting in Prague with Chuck. Shows us that her plan never would have worked, so maybe she can work on forgiving Chuck for not going with her!

-Casey, again! Loves: rules. Hates: insurgents.

-Chuck being totally grossed out to have to touch a dead guy. Super spy or not, he's still our Chuck.

-His line to the Ring operative (um, Stone Cold Steve Austin.) "I sincerely hope that's, not your father."

-Being on the fence about Shaw...I mean is he right about Sarah and Casey babying Chuck and not allowing him to be a real spy? We KNOW he's not right about spy love though...I want those spies to be together and in love dammit!!! (Don't fall in love at the CIA. It is like the Jersey Shore that way.)

-Um, Lieutenant Assistant Manager Casey. There are no words. (My Bodyguard!!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081207/)

-"Unfortunately I did not get to use my nunchucks." That is always a bummer.

-Adam Baldwin said "Bored now." like Vampire Willow! More Whedon alums on this show now! Please! I mean, what is Sean Maher doing these days anyway? He could totally come back and play a "back from the dead" Bryce, because he and Matthew Bomer look exactly alike anyway.

-Chuck telling Hannah about The Buy More and her asking "Is this real? Is it an insane asylum?" These are the very same questions people ask me when I tell them about working at the library.


Questions, Comments, Things that bugged me:

-Don't just instantly bond with every hot girl who happens to be in IT, from Burbank and looking for a job Chuck! You're in love with SARAH, remember?!!

-And he just looked SO happy to see her when she came into The Buy More. GAH!

-Why is The Ring still using CD-ROMS to store information? And after having such weird/cool phones in the last episode!

-Is Bryce for real dead? That makes me sad.

-Chuck missed Paris. That was sad. Is this setting us up for more job related angst? Because I kind of like Chuck being excited about his job for once!

-Team review. Stop reviewing the damn team CIA/NSA/whoever. They are not breaking up.

-I didn't even notice that the flight attendant/Ring operative was Josie Davis, the gawky daughter on Charles in Charge! Shame on me.

-Chuck, don't drink so much on your first mission. That is dumb.

-Um, he didn't get to use his nunchucks!

All in all I think creator Chris Fedak did a great job showing us how Chuck can gain new spy skills while still being the same old relatable Chuck. A hardened spy would never be so excited about seeing Paris, or getting a first class ticket! He is still the same sweet Chuck we have learned to love, but sometimes, he can kick some ass.

Next week: Hannah's at The Buy More. Ugh. I hope she doesn't turn out to be a spy or something.

Chuck Season 3! A Primer!

Well you may have noticed (nor not!) the dearth of Heroes posts around here lately. I can give you a myriad of reasons for my neglectfulness (busyness, I was sick, it was my birthday, every time I try to get someone to watch Heroes with me they are like "um, yeah sure, I guess we can do that, if we have time or whatever.") but to be honest, I just don't feel the need to make time to watch Heroes the way I used to. What show do I feel the need to watch, even during the busiest of weeks? That's right people! CHUCK!!! So in the interest of making sure that everyone is right there with me on the whole "Watching Chuck on NBC every Monday at 8" thing, I decided that a primer on the show would be in order! If you keep this handy while you are watching Chuck, it will be just like watching it with me, which as anyone who knows me will tell you, is a sacred and life-changing experience! So let's get started! Once you read this you can definitely jump into Season 3, already in progress! Watch it tonight!!


Let's meet our characters!

Chuck Bartowski- The titular character of the show, played by Zachary Levi. (Remember him from Less than Perfect?! Me neither! He's adorable in this though. And OMG that show was on for 4 years?!! Wow, I had no idea.) Former student at Stanford, Chuck was kicked out when his roommate and best friend, Bryce Larkin, accused him of cheating. Chuck used his computer skills to get a job as part of the "Nerd Herd" at the Burbank, CA Buy More, where he toiled away until receiving an email from Bryce, which contained the CIA's supercomputer, the Intersect. Now that he has the Intersect in his brain, Chuck can access any information that CIA has. It's a goofy premise, but it works people, just trust me on this. Important bits of backstory that you might miss diving into this season are:

-Bryce accused Chuck of cheating to try and save Chuck from joining to the CIA. He only sent Chuck the Intersect as a last resort.
-Bryce is currently (presumed) dead.
-Chuck's long missing father created the Intersect, which is why it works so well in his son's brain.
-Chuck's college girlfriend, Jill, was part of an evil organization of double agents that Bryce was fighting.
-Chuck's mother died when he was a teenager, and his sister took care of him after that.
-Before the Intersect, Chuck felt like a total failure because he gotten kicked out of Stanford and worked at the Buy More.
-The Buy More is now Chuck's cover job.

Sarah Walker (fake name!)-Sarah is Chuck's CIA handler/sometime fake girlfriend. Oh but she is so much more than that, because she and Chuck are totally in love. I'm not gonna lie, there is A LOT of talk about Chuck and her being in love, but not really being able to make it work because they are spies. Some people (my dad!) think that the show focuses a bit too much on all of that, but I am cool with it because a) they are cute and b) Yvonne Strahovski is so damn good at playing the love story stuff that I can't look away whenever she does. It is her specialty. Well, that, and kicking ass and looking hot. At the beginning of Season 3 it was revealed that she wanted Chuck to leave the CIA and run away with her, but he couldn't bear the thought of leaving his family forever and not taking his chance to do something great with his life and work for the CIA. She was pretty pissed. I mean look at her. I would think most any man would run away with her! Chuck is seriously that sweet and good-hearted though, so it kinda makes her love him more.
- Not much of her backstory is known, other than that she had a con-artist father who taught her many skills that helped her become a spy.
-She used to work with and be in love with Bryce Larkin, so she has a history of falling in love on the job!
-Her cover job is working at a yogurt shop near The Buy More. Beneath this yogurt shop is "The Castle", a sweet CIA lair.
Colonel John Casey- played by Adam Baldwin, the king of "gruff with a heart of gold" characters, Colonel John Casey is Chuck's NSA handler. Things Casey loves: guns, Ronald Reagan, patriots. Things Casey hates: feelings, communism, traitors. Even though sometimes Sarah and Casey drive him insane, he is loyal and deep down inside he knows he luurves them! (He does!) This is a dude you want to have on your side if you ever get pinned down by gunfire anywhere.


Eleanor Bartowski-Woodcomb-Chuck's sister, played by Sarah Lancaster. Chuck and Ellie have a really sweet brother/sister relationship! I hope that the writers start using Ellie a little better than they have so far this season, because she has just had to act sort of silly and/or annoyed. Lancaster does a great job when the character really has to open up and be vulnerable, as she did last season when she asked Chuck to find their dad for her wedding. She has no idea about Chuck's secret CIA life and feels that he is just wasting his potential! She is a doctor and is also married to a doctor, a guy who does everything right, and a guy who Chuck has always wanted to live up to:


Captain Awesome! A.K.A. Devon Woodcomb- Captain Awesome really does live up to his name, as he is good looking, a great friend, husband and doctor, while also being pretty tough. Awesome has some idea of Chuck's secret identity as a CIA operative (no idea about the whole Intersect thing) and now sees Chuck through different eyes. The last few episodes involved Awesome in some of Chuck's missions, and it was pretty great to see him so impressed with Chuck and confident in his skills. (Even when Chuck wasn't so confident in himself!) I really love the role reversal that has come about with Awesome finding out about Chuck being in the CIA.


Agent Shaw- Played by Brandon Routh, we don't know much about this character so far, (except for that, according to my boyfriend he was "genetically engineered to impersonate Tom Cruise.") but he is taking charge of the team as they try to take out "The Ring" a CIA shadow operation trying to work within the CIA to take it down. (So much taking down!) He seems a little harsh on Chuck so far, but he was super lonely after he gave a speech about how friends and families suck and then no one invited him to the nice friend and family dinner they all had at the end of last night's episode. Bummer for you Agent Shaw.



Chuck has a few cohorts at the Buy More that are important to know, and we'll go through them too! I have been a little iffy on The Buy More stuff since day one, and this season things have the same kind of hit or miss quality so far. I see the Buy More as completely necessary to the premise of the show, and sometimes the goofy characters can be really hilarious (Jeffster, anyone?!! YES.) But other times you feel like you just want to get back to the A story and out of the Buy More. I actually think the budget cuts for this season, meaning every cast member will not be in every episode, might actually help that this season, because the Buy More stories are going to be cut down a bit. There was already one ep this season with no Buy More, and I think it worked great. HOWEVER, sometimes The Buy More guys are just sublime, absurdist comedy, so let's meet them!

Morgan Grimes-Chuck's bff since grade school, Morgan is our most down to earth Buy More employee. Chuck has been taking care of him and trying to save him from getting beat up since they were kids. Having just gotten a promotion to Assistant Manager, he turns to Chuck more than ever for advice on life! He used to be in love with Ellie, but since her marriage seems to be just as happy with their platonic friendship. Morgan's dream to become a Benihana chef died quickly, when he realized he just didn't have the knife skills.





Jeff and Lester. Apart they are creepy man-children who will never get girlfriends and who think Chuck is some kind of god. Together, they are Jeffster, whose covers of Styx will make your soul soar. Just don't join their Fight Club. You will regret it.












Big Mike-Tough yet fair manager of The Buy More. Doesn't seem to notice or care that Chuck constantly has to leave work to preform spy missions. Is banging Morgan's mom, which is simultaneously good and bad for Morgan. He's getting a good job but bad images out of it. Big Mike can be very graphic.




So now, when someone asks you if you watch Chuck, you can't be all "Well, I've never seen it, I'm not sure I can just jump right in blah blah blah..." You CAN! Stop talking crazy man, and saying blah blah at the end of a sentence! That's weird! Just watch it! Jump right it in! You won't regret it! Mondays! 8pm. Right before....Heroes. (I'm working on the Heroes thing, I swear.)