If Serena is sad, I am sad. Gossip Girl time!

Now, please, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that, as a poor person, the character that I am supposed to relate to on this show is Dan Humphrey. Dan is a poor person like me, he thinks rich people and all their ways are crazy and immoral and funny and weird. He makes fun of them under his breath and doesn't need all of their trappings to be a soulful artist dude who knows who he is. He lives in a funky loft in Brooklyn and wears clothes from like, Urban Outfitters or something. He is my conduit into the world of Gossip Girl. He is me. I am him. And yet, I HATE HIM SO MUCH!!

Yes, yes I know, he's cute. Also he is a writer who has apparently been published in the New Yorker. He got to intern with Jay McInerney for goodness sake! (and by the way, I did not mention this in my review of episode 1, but, WHAT? I mean I love this show as much as the next person, but there was really no reason that Jay McInerney should have guested. I am sure he had something better to do.) Also he has very good comic timing and a dry wit. However, I hate him still.

Why must you toy with my emotions show?! I knew Dan and Serena were going to break up, I wasn't planning their wedding or anything, but come on! That was barely two episodes. And Serena's hair looked so pretty! And she was so sweet when she said "I forgive you for Georgina". And then Dan had to go and say "I forgive you too, BUT..." But what jerkface?! But...maybe if I didn't judge almost everything about you, you may have felt that you could be more honest with me about NOT killing a dude and NOT having a threesome sex-tape? Yeah, MAYBE. How can he break my poor little Serena's heart? Because she's rich and beautiful and nice and once in a while throws her name around to get shit done?! Seriously, that guy is a judgmental douche. Ladies, do not let a douche try to change you. You throw your name around and wear fabulous clothes and be rich if that is who you are! I can only like Dan when he is being nice to Serena, and not being self-righteous and judgy and sucky. It is so obvious this guy is the spawn of Rufus.

On to better things. Chuck is impotent because of his love for Blair?! Why yes he is. But things seem to be working fine when she's around! Just evilSEXY all over the place tonight! Of course it helped that Marcus actually called Keira Knightley a tart and Blair a delicate flower. (Guys, no woman wants to hear that. Really.) I mean how can any lady control herself with the likes of Chuck snaking around and being all, well sorry to say it again, but, evilsexy! I actually did feel for Marcus though, and for Blair, because it's no fun to want the thing that's bad for you when the thing that's good for you is ripe for the taking. And she knows that Chuck would throw her away as soon as he got her, because, really, dude is effed up. I mean, a Japanese stewardess?

Speaking of older lady loving (they are in high school, people), I really hate Catherine. At least I'm supposed to though, so good on you, show. I don't even know how I feel about the Nate/Catherine/Vanessa icky icky love triangle though. Vanessa is one of those people that I don't really like unless she is in my preferred coupling, no, not with Rufus, though they still had a lot of scenes together in this episode, but Vate, or Nanessa, or whatever you would like to name them. It was pretty sweet when she gave up on her relationship with Nate so that evilnonsexy Catherine wouldn't send Nate's cokehead dad to jail! That's sweet, right?! Also, she forgave him for being a manwhore, and that takes guts. Vanessa, you are on my like list now! Let's stay on there. I don't want to see that damn video camera anymore, and cut it with the Rufus time. Rufus brings everyone down. (He did look hot on his "date" though. I can't lie.)


Oh and shocker of shockers, Jenny impressed Eleanor Waldorf! (Didn't that design totally look like something Blair would wear?! With a headband?!) She is just sooo talented! And honest! Umm, sorry Jenny, still not rooting for you. The best part was when you got fired.


Next week...Serena is mean to Dan! YES YES YES! Maybe if someone takes him down a peg, I can like him again.

XOXO!