Melrose Place- "Cahuenga". Yup, that's what it's named. "Cahuenga". Really.

I can't even talk about these terrible episode titles anymore, so I'm just going to try to move on here.

Picture this. You are an attractive twenty-something living in LA. You move into an apartment building. For some reason, the owner of this apartment building, an attractive forty-something, seems verrry interested in all of the residents of the complex. Then, she's horribly murdered. Suddenly, all these other people who used to live there come out of the woodwork, and a good portion of these people actually profess the desire to make your life hellish. What's your plan here? Mojitos by the pool? Or, I don't know, maybe you should MOVE?

I think the contrast of the old Melrose Placers to the new ones is quite funny actually. I mean all of the old people seem pretty much insane at this point. They are girlfriend murdering, young people sexing, life destroying maniacs! They make art thieves, hookers, and teachers turned models seem like the sanest most normal people in the world. Even Auggie, who has actually killed someone, seems measurably more sane than say, Jane when she showed up and just started blackmailing people willy-nilly.

I don't know if I want the young people to become more crazy (and therefore less boring) or the old people to become less crazy (and therefore more logical). Maybe a little of both?

So what even happened last night? Well:

Amanda Woodward returned! She's here, she's blonde, and she's bitchy!! And Riley pissed her off by not using a fake bio (which was a ridiculous plan because someone could just google her and find out the truth...but okay.),so she RUINED HER. Watch out Melrose Place kids, this lady has no problem taking away your teaching job. Riley and Jonah celebrate before Amanda Woodward RUINS them.

She also fired Caleb (cute gay boss of Ella), has some kind of weird interest in Ella so she sent some hot lesbian chick to try and seduce her away as a test, and tried to force Ella to do the Riley ruining, which Ella would not, because she is not twisted and evil from too much Botox. YET.

We did finally get some girl on girl action from the "supposedly bisexual but usually just pining for Jonah" Ella, so score another one for Amanda Woodward!

Amanda is looking for something that Dead Sydney has hidden from her, so maybe that accounts for her interest in Ella, as Ella and Sydney were once friends, before they were bitter, bitter enemies.

I have to agree with Amanda on one thing, the amount of PR these people were doing for this dude's denim line did seem to be a bit much.

So Amanda's return was pretty good I would say, and next week she's gonna RUIN everybody's life, just for kicks.

I guess other, non-Amanda things happened too, including:

David decided he was totally into Lauren (the hooker) so he created Fall in her apartment and got her chili from her hometown. I don't really know where his sudden intense romantic interest in her came from, but they did have some intense making out before she decided that she "just couldn't". (She hates being reminded of work at home!) I kind of like these two together I have to say!

Everyone turned on Auggie in a matter of minutes after he was arrested in Mexico for Sydney's murder (hey, he did flee to Mexico), besides David, who thinks it was Michael and seems to have found evidence of that, and Violet, who is crazy and always sleeps with Auggie whenever he is upset about anything. She's probably the real killer, right?!

Because of that whole RUINING thing, Jonah has to get a job now that Riley is unemployed. I do love that they actually had an argument about which one of them should get a job. I've got a bright idea guys, why don't you both get jobs, like normal people!

The show comes back Dec 1, and Amanda introduces herself to the rest of the gang and promptly RUINS them all. Or at least starts making plans to do so.