Gossip Girl and 90210 are back! On this Blog! This week!

I swear it! Back and better than ever. Also, just heard a rumor that our good friend, Ethan, is about to be semi-retired, and off the show, possibly to come back as a recurring character. Rebecca Rand Kirshner, formerly of Gilmore Girls is taking over show-running duties, so we'll see how that changes the show. I've heard tonight's is going to be TRASHTASTIC! I can't wait.

Our Shows are Coming Back!

Okay people, I'm back and I promise never to leave you again, unless something REALLY important comes up. So from now on I will be covering the old faves:

Heroes
Gossip Girl
90210

A new show:
Chuck (! HURRAY!)

and I will try to keep up on Fringe, but I make no promises.

Also I'm thinking about watching of Lost from the beginning and covering that experience, but that will be a good project for the future, maybe starting in the summer or something. If anyone has any requests, comment away and let me know.

So since Saturday we had a picture of Chuck Bass, and I will leave you a pic of another awesome Chuck, Chuck Bartowski. He's adorbs. He's also with the awesome Casey and Sarah.


Do yourself a favor and watch Chuck tonight! Here's a quick primer just in case you've never seen it. In a moment of extreme danger Chuck's former best friend (Bryce Larkin), a CIA agent, sent him a message that contained The Intersect, which is basically all of the CIA's info and secrets. Because of the awesomeness of Chuck's brain, just seeing the message makes his brain become the Intersect. So, now, he is being guarded the by the awesome Sarah and Casey. He helps them solve many spy-type cases. He and Sarah are totally in love with each other, but the whole spy thing keeps getting in the way. He doesn't even know her real name! (He thinks he does though) Umm, what else. He works at the Buy More (like Best Buy) as a part of the Nerd Herd (like the Geek Squad), and many hijinks go on there. He has a nerdy BFFF, a pretty sister and a hot brother in law to be. (He is so good at everything Chuck calls him Captain Awesome.) That's all you need to know, so watch it tonight, and if you happen to go to the grocery store, pick up some 3D glasses for tonight's 3D episode. Just do it people, I am doing you a favor here!

Everything Was a Repeat this Week!

So here's a little something to tide us over:

(I think he's talking about me...)

Back to Gossip Girl!

It's good to know that even though I've missed like 6 episodes and an entire relationship of Serena's (with some rat-faced dude), I can still watch Gossip Girl and know absolutely everything that is going on. It's a comfort. Chuck still rules, Blair is still a close second, Serena is still my pretty pretty princess, Dan and Rufus are still insufferable douches who I want to stay with their amazing girlfriends anyway and Jenny still sucks and has a terrible haircut. Oh, and Nate and Vanessa are still pretty boring, yet a little bit cute.

Things that were undeniably awesome:

Chuck calling Rufus Lily's "mistress".

Chuck saving Lily from getting raped by evil Uncle Jack.

Chuck getting adopted by Lily and moving home! (Eric will be so happy!)

Chuck, obviously.

Blair going completely batshit insane and declaring war on Ms Karr.

Blair's puppy. (And how she took the 'Dan' out of it's name immediately. As she should.)

Serena's hair, dress, and make-up for the opera. I really wish I could find a picture. (Though if she were a real teenager the amount of boob she was showing would be a little creepy. I kept staring at them during that scene with her and Dan on the couch thingy! I guess Lily can't get her face out of Rufus's mouth long enough to pay attention to her own child.)

The fact that Jenny was onscreen for, 30 seconds, tops.

Eric explaining the children's opera to Rufus like Rufus was the dumbest man he has ever known (which he may very well be).

Things that were not so great:

OH MY GOD Dan and Serena! Just stop with this shit. So your parents are dating. It's weird, but it is not the end of the damn world. You were dating first, no one else even cares. Get over it.

Also Dan, being a judgey mcjudgerson, as usual, throwing a little hissy fit, as usual, because Serena doesn't want to go to college with you and it took her more than five minutes to decide that. Ugh, you really need to suck it. No wonder poor Serena is so skittish around you!

Ms. Karr, new teacher from Iowa. (and she did Teach for America, and she doesn't get the crazy ways of these richies, ok, we get it show!) Yes, she looks 12, yes she confided in her high school students that the city was scary, yes she seems to be being set up to steal Dan from Serena (I am already revving up my Dan hate.), but the thing that I like least about her is her snitching. As we all know, snitches are the first to die. And she looked into the face of a sincere Blair Waldorf apology and spit in it! She deserves whatever she gets. I can't wait to see Blair go "black ops."

Um, Vanessa and Nate's entire storyline. It was almost as boring as Annie and Ethan's on 90210, and that is bad.

The fact that clearly, as usual, my pretty pretty princess is going to get her heart broken by Downer Dan, again. Ignoring her call! That's cold Dan. Especially when you just had a conversation that ended with "we'll be ok". I just know he is going to start bonding with that stupid teacher and they'll be talking about how weird rich people are and then Serena will show up in a limo or something and Dan will feel all disgusted and repulsed on the inside, even though he lives in a fancy loft in Brooklyn and is going to YALE, so he's not exactly the image of the proletariat himself. Suck it DAN!

Next week: Chuck's dad is going to die! Oh wait, that already happened, it's a repeat. So soon?!

The REAL Serena? Once again, it's time for Gossip Girl!

I'm ready, so let's just dive in:

THE GOOD:

1. I can't lie, I think I was way more surprised than Dan at how fast my sweet, earthy Serena went back to evil bitch queen!  Dan the douche did always think the worst of her though.  HA!  She will take you down jerkface!  She already did.  And it wasn't even hard. (I think America Ferrera was right!  Gossip Girl is making me mean! No, that's not it. I just really hate Dan.)  I hope she doesn't get too evil though.  Her hair will still be pretty no matter what. 

2. Marcus and the Duchess!  That woman has a hunger for young men that can not be satisfied. I cannot believe that Marcus started to cry when they were found out!  It made me think she was abusing him or something.  She is kind of scary.  He obviously has a thing for scary women.  

3. LILY!  It's true, I have a severe weakness for van der Woodsens.  I love them and all of their making-Humphreys-less-odious ways.  There is one to make you hate each Humphrey a little less.  Lily made me forget my Rufus hatred for about a minute by coming home from her honeymoon and basically attempting to date him without his knowledge.  He likes Repo Man! (That's some really odd shorthand for cool by the way.) Then the idiot shot her down when she said she needed a friend!  Because that's what you do when really love someone.  

4. I actually really love how half of the plot lines of this show could not happen without the aid of cell-phone photography.  As an avid cell-phone photographer myself (ask me about the epic "Krista in the Car" series sometime) , I understand the value of this technology.  I haven't caught any illicit affairs with my phone yet, but I am always at the ready.

5. Blair getting her revenge!  She didn't lie down and cry when she found out about Marcus and his gross mommy-schtupping ways!  She secured poor manwhore Nate's freedom from his bondage and got evil Catherine and simpering Marcus out of town! Oh I can only say "HA!" about that.  Except that all of it was undone, which leads me to...

THE BAD.

1. Vanessa.  How did it feel to be on my like list?  Did it make you feel warm and fuzzy?  Was it good?  Apparently not that good, because you didn't even try to remain on it!  If there is one thing you can trust Blair Waldorf to do, it is to take down those who have wronged her.  I loved how it was the classic TV "look at a situation for 10 seconds, decide what's going and then turn away just as it becomes clear that you were completely wrong about it" thing.   Maybe it could have been written a little better, or maybe this show truly wants me to think that Vanessa is a total moron.  I thought home-schooled kids were supposed to be smart!

2. Jenny.  Jenny has never been on my like list.  She was evil and now she's just insipid. I have no desire to see those weird flunkies who cannot act bully her all year.  They both act way too much with their necks.  It's very strange.  

3. Rufus, you suck!  (I had to mention it again.)  

4.  Why does CW.com hate Serena?  I can never find a decent picture of her on there.

5.  Dan.  Am I supposed to feel bad for him?  Well, if I am then this show should really have him stop yelling at Serena.  That makes me angry.

6.  Okay, I know they are all rich kids and everything, but are there really bars in NYC where high school kids can go and order Belvedere Martinis?  I am sheltered, so maybe they do exist.  The police should really crack down on those.  

THE AWESOME!

CHUCK is pulling the strings!  He was behind the entire crazy Dan/Serena battle for dating supremacy in some convoluted, evilsexy plan to have Serena usurp Blair, causing her to lose all self-esteem and come running to him!  Or something like that.  He probably made Catherine and Marcus do it and arranged for Vanessa to find them too!  He's probably done something to trick me into writing this paragraph about how awesome he is so that Blair will see it and realize that she is meant to be with him and his evilsexiness no matter how many airports and helipads he plans to abandon her on!  That's right, Chuck Bass has stepped from the land of fiction into reality to get me to write this.  That is how awesome of a puppet master he is.  Whatever you are doing right now, it is probably because of him.  

Next week:

Things are going bad between B and S!  I don't like it.  Not one bit.

XOXO!

If Serena is sad, I am sad. Gossip Girl time!

Now, please, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that, as a poor person, the character that I am supposed to relate to on this show is Dan Humphrey. Dan is a poor person like me, he thinks rich people and all their ways are crazy and immoral and funny and weird. He makes fun of them under his breath and doesn't need all of their trappings to be a soulful artist dude who knows who he is. He lives in a funky loft in Brooklyn and wears clothes from like, Urban Outfitters or something. He is my conduit into the world of Gossip Girl. He is me. I am him. And yet, I HATE HIM SO MUCH!!

Yes, yes I know, he's cute. Also he is a writer who has apparently been published in the New Yorker. He got to intern with Jay McInerney for goodness sake! (and by the way, I did not mention this in my review of episode 1, but, WHAT? I mean I love this show as much as the next person, but there was really no reason that Jay McInerney should have guested. I am sure he had something better to do.) Also he has very good comic timing and a dry wit. However, I hate him still.

Why must you toy with my emotions show?! I knew Dan and Serena were going to break up, I wasn't planning their wedding or anything, but come on! That was barely two episodes. And Serena's hair looked so pretty! And she was so sweet when she said "I forgive you for Georgina". And then Dan had to go and say "I forgive you too, BUT..." But what jerkface?! But...maybe if I didn't judge almost everything about you, you may have felt that you could be more honest with me about NOT killing a dude and NOT having a threesome sex-tape? Yeah, MAYBE. How can he break my poor little Serena's heart? Because she's rich and beautiful and nice and once in a while throws her name around to get shit done?! Seriously, that guy is a judgmental douche. Ladies, do not let a douche try to change you. You throw your name around and wear fabulous clothes and be rich if that is who you are! I can only like Dan when he is being nice to Serena, and not being self-righteous and judgy and sucky. It is so obvious this guy is the spawn of Rufus.

On to better things. Chuck is impotent because of his love for Blair?! Why yes he is. But things seem to be working fine when she's around! Just evilSEXY all over the place tonight! Of course it helped that Marcus actually called Keira Knightley a tart and Blair a delicate flower. (Guys, no woman wants to hear that. Really.) I mean how can any lady control herself with the likes of Chuck snaking around and being all, well sorry to say it again, but, evilsexy! I actually did feel for Marcus though, and for Blair, because it's no fun to want the thing that's bad for you when the thing that's good for you is ripe for the taking. And she knows that Chuck would throw her away as soon as he got her, because, really, dude is effed up. I mean, a Japanese stewardess?

Speaking of older lady loving (they are in high school, people), I really hate Catherine. At least I'm supposed to though, so good on you, show. I don't even know how I feel about the Nate/Catherine/Vanessa icky icky love triangle though. Vanessa is one of those people that I don't really like unless she is in my preferred coupling, no, not with Rufus, though they still had a lot of scenes together in this episode, but Vate, or Nanessa, or whatever you would like to name them. It was pretty sweet when she gave up on her relationship with Nate so that evilnonsexy Catherine wouldn't send Nate's cokehead dad to jail! That's sweet, right?! Also, she forgave him for being a manwhore, and that takes guts. Vanessa, you are on my like list now! Let's stay on there. I don't want to see that damn video camera anymore, and cut it with the Rufus time. Rufus brings everyone down. (He did look hot on his "date" though. I can't lie.)


Oh and shocker of shockers, Jenny impressed Eleanor Waldorf! (Didn't that design totally look like something Blair would wear?! With a headband?!) She is just sooo talented! And honest! Umm, sorry Jenny, still not rooting for you. The best part was when you got fired.


Next week...Serena is mean to Dan! YES YES YES! Maybe if someone takes him down a peg, I can like him again.

XOXO!

"Oh my effing God!" Gossip Girl, Episode 2

"Oh my effing God!" was Blair's awesome reaction discovering that Nate and Catherine (who is also Marcus', the LORD's, stepmother, the DUCHESS) are sleeping together. Then she quickly recovers herself, and uses it to her advantage, because she rules.

There were more than a few awesome lines in this episode, including Nate's "If the best case scenario is me becoming Blair's father in law, I think it's time to move on" and Dan's "She actually calls him 'the Lord'?" Everything Chuck said was awesome, in case you were wondering.

There was so much craziness with Blair trying to make sure Marcus stayed with her and Chuck trying to get rid of Marcus that the Gossip Girl herself had her mind blown, so you know that it was good.

Chuck was all over the place being evilsexy as usual, but he was also being nicesexy too, trying to save his BFF Nate from ending up the in poor house.

Three things were angering me in this episode, and they were as follows.

1. Dan. Oh. My. God. You slept with Serena's evil ex-best friend just a few months ago, and if she's willing to look past that just say "thank you" and start making out. You do not need any more "alone time", Downer Dan. Seriously.

2. Nate. Oh poor Nate, everyone cares about him and wants to give him millions of dollars to help him. Hey Nate, maybe if you just keep repeating "I'll handle it" over and over again you'll think of something. No? Didn't work? I guess you'll just have to become a manwhore for Duchess then.

3. Rufus. Are he and Vanessa going to have an affair or something? Why are they in every scene together? Also, how could he contemplate for even a second going on another tour and abandoning his children in the exact same way that their horrible mother did? Good thing his kids aren't math whizzes or something, because I'll bet seeing Dan's calculator and Jenny's multiplication tables instead of all their "creative" crap wouldn't have reminded him that he actually liked them at all. "Oh I guess I can stand to be around my kids, since they do all this creative stuff like me! As long as they continue to be like me, I will continue to love them." You really suck Rufus.

Next week. SO MUCH evilsexy from Chuck! The Gods must be pleased with us.

XOXO!

um, SQUEE! Gossip Girl is back!

Now, you can't really delve into Gossip Girl the way you can some other, more thematically meaty shows (most of the time), so I won't be covering it in the same way I would Mad Men or Doctor Who, but that does not mean that it is not awesome. Because it is. So if you are not watching it, you totally should be. There are beautiful people, ridiculous clothes, hilarious witticisms, and most importantly, there is Chuck Bass. If you are just tuning in Chuck Bass = evil, sexy, evilsexy, funny, erudite, a snappy dresser and probably smarter than you. Definitely smarter than anyone else on this show. Here is a list of the things to love about last night's episode, "Summer, Kind of Wonderful"

1. Episode name. What?! Really? Yes. Definitely.
2. CHUCK BASS! Are you getting it yet?
3. Blair's new (sort of fake) boyfriend is a fake Ivy Leaguer, but a real LORD from England.
4. Dan and Serena got back together. Now, I know this cannot last, because I am not an idiot, but it was sweet and I liked it anyway. Their breakup last season was kind of insane, and I was hoping it wouldn't stick, so I am happy now. I can understand why some people might see Dan as a judgemental jerk and Serena as a sad-sack with no self-esteem, but I just find them adorable together, so common sense be damned! Besides, I like that Serena is genuinely nice, and Blake Lively's hair is so pretty. Also, they date in real life, and I love that.
5. The clothes. Some times I really wish I was rich.
6. I am going to believe that they weren't at just any Hamptons White/Vitamin Water Party, but that they were at P. Diddy's White Party, which is awesome.
7. Chuck and Blair! Now not even I, the biggest Pollyanna about these things ever, can wish for these two to fall in love and have some sort of functional relationship. That would be crazy, but in a boring way. We have Dan and Serena for that. I love them as enemies who are completely in love with each other, and as people who totally hate the person they are completely in love with. They are almost too evilsexy to be too close without combusting. They rule.
8. Eric. He is getting cuter by the minute! Also, I have to give him props for deciding that Jenny wasn't a total piece of trash. I'm just not there yet man.
9. Grandma + Dan= Love! Seriously, they had some chemistry.
10. Blair and Serena. BFF's! They are great together.

Let's be honest here, no show is perfect. There were a few things I did not like last night, and I'm about to tell you about it in list form.
1. Jenny. So after a year of being (pretty much) a heinous bitch 24/7, I am supposed to cheer her on (Yay Jenny, teach that awful fashion lady a lesson! How could she not want to wear your home-sewn dress to an exclusive party in the Hamptons?! Who wouldn't want to do that!?) as she makes her way in the world of fashion? Also, just because she told Eric she was using him for his connections, it doesn't really make it any better. Good thing for her he's been recently outed in front of everyone they know and now no one likes him! The desperate band together! (I'm not even going to put a picture of her on here, and not just because the CW photo sight is a pain in the ass.)
2.This is related...Tinsley Mortimer. I mean I get it, she's like a real life version of these people blah blah, but um, no. I don't want to see her. Have a less annoying person help Jenny teach her lessons to awful fashion ladies.
3. Nate and Old Lady. I know, she's not old! Madchen Amick (Great name, by the way.) is not yet 40, but it is still gross for her to be sleeping with a kid in high school. (This does go against my previous Grandma + Dan position, but they are just cute together. I don't want them to do it or anything!) I really liked Nate with Vanessa, I would be open to Nate and Serena, even with awful Jenny I kind of liked him, but I am just not interested in this torrid affair. I kind of love Nate, but he and Celia did not move me last night. I am with Serena on this one.
4. Rufus. No Lily should always = No Rufus. I do not need to see him have boring conversations with his children over the phone whilst on tour opening for the Breeders. Teens of America, do you even know who the Breeders are? Still love Rufus and Lily together though.

So. Don't hate me, but I have to do it...

XOXO. You know you love me.