Melrose Place- "Oriole" No, I don't know why it is called that.

Melrose Place is back! With another completely inexplicable episode title! Apparently, even though it has been three months since the last episode, it has only been about 8 hours in Melrose world since then. No one besides David seems to know or care that Lauren almost died, and people are even less concerned about the death/attempted murder that happened in their pool just the night before! Riley mentions in passing to Violet that she's "sorry about what she went through last night" (She just killed, in self defense, the woman who murdered her mother. So not a big deal! I mean Riley had a break up last night, so it was big of her to even mention it really.) What are people concerned about? Why romantic relationships, of course!

Now some might say that I have irrational hatred for Riley and a strange, Harper's Island inspired love for Ella, but I cannot even for five seconds understand why Jonah would even consider going back to Riley. At this point, Riley is bordering on delusional crazy-person behavior here if she thinks she can tell her fiancee that she doesn't want to marry him and just wants to continue dating him with the freedom to dump him on his ass whenever the feeling strikes her, and when he says no way to that proposal, she continues to attempt to sleep with him and act like they are together and everything is fine. How is Ella the bad guy here?! She's not, so SHUT UP RILEY and David. Riley you are officially the most terrible person on this show, a show which contains murderers, whores and thieves.

So in conclusion, Jonah better get his act together and give Ella all the love and cherishing she deserves.

On the Lauren and David front, he beat the crap out someone for her, and even though I am usually against violence, I am all for it, because the dude drugged her and left her to die! I love how at one point she actually tries to describe this man as "just a big jerk". Um, he didn't steal your LEGOs or something Lauren, he almost killed you.

David and Lauren are still adorable, and he still doesn't know she's a hooker. I am sure he's not going to take it well.

Violet and Auggie decided to run away together because Melrose Place is causing all of their problems. He totally loves Riley but Violet is so weirdly obsessed with him that she is okay with being with him even though he is not really interested in her. This is what low self-esteem gets you ladies. So these two are off the show. Later!

Amanda is dating a bearded Billy Campbell, who is a computer billionaire or something. He is not good at reading the ladies though, because he totally made it seem like he was going to propose to her, and instead her gave her a Bentley. Note to all the men out there in TV land, even if you are giving your lady a freakin' Bentley, and even if your lady is an older, powerful, already-been-married woman who one would think would not really be obsessed with getting engaged, she will be pissed if you make it seem like you are giving her a diamond and then you don't. Because for TV ladies, being married is pinnacle of life. Duh, bearded Billy Campbell, duh.

Also, bearded Billy Campbell and Ella had a weird moment where maybe it seemed like he was hitting on her or something, and Amanda saw, and was pretty much unnecessarily awful to Ella, because obviously it was her fault that Amanda's boyfriend hit on her. Chicks, man. So Amanda will probs be plotting against her and stuff now.

Next week: Love triangle! Michael! Kimber from Nip/Tuck!
What I want to know is, will the whole "Micheal's kid is really David's kid" reveal ever be revisited? Or are we just forgetting about that?